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Confused about myself
I didn't know what category to put this under. I'm so confused about what I am feeling right now. Everything in my life is pretty good. I have 3 jobs but still a lot of free time on my hands due to the way they are scheduled. I spend a lot of time with a few of my closest friends. I have a boyfriend who adores me. I'm going to the college of my dreams (Art Institute of Philadelphia) starting October of '04. My family finally isn't in complete shambles anymore. I have a car. I'm always laughing. However, when I come home at the end of the day and I'm sitting here by myself, I always end up crying and feeling completely miserable. I have all of these wonderful things around me yet I can't seem to actually feel happy. It's not that I don't want to be... I'm just scared. I'm scared that everything may just fall apart one day, because my life didn't used to be so wonderful. I can't lose all that I've gained, and it terrifies me. Maybe this is why I'm so upset when I'm alone and thinking all the time... but how do I get these pessimistic thoughts to leave?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
Honey I've had the same thoughts, and this might not work for everyone, but what works for me is to think about how much <i>better</i> my life is now than it was a month ago, or a year ago, or anything. I have a lot, too. A successful website, an awesome job, fantastic apartment furniture... am I afraid of losing it? Sure I am. Everyone who has anything is afraid of losing it. A life that's not worth holding onto isn't a life at all.
But the fact remains that although our lives can have ups and downs, most people's are almost always on the up. You gain as you grow. You see new things and visit new places. We sometimes feel like we'd like to stay in the same place. In college I was deathly afraid of graduating and living on my own. But you know what? I wouldn't go back to college if I was paid too... what I have now is so much better.
You're not supposed to be paralyzed with fear, but you are supposed to be afraid. All thinking people are... it's part of what motivates us to keep looking ahead for the good things in life. There's not much I can say to make it better except that I've been there and totally understand, and just from how you've written your thoughts I can tell you're going to have a great life, too. Go forth and conquer, you'll make it.
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