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How can I get a boyfriend? I really need help with this...because I've only had two little relationships in my life and I just want somebody with me.
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Hello choosy questioner,
I'm not sure how you chose me for this question... my experience level's around yours. If you want to give me a shout (e-mail, another question, whatever) and explain... I'd be curious to find out...
I've been answering this type of question first by reminding people to visit spacefem.com and do the boyfriend quiz... it may take the pressure off a tad.
Still, from my vast wealth of dealings with the fairer sex and from my being a boy, I can make some suggestions.
i) For some reason, relationships tend to happen when you're busy doing other things. When you're deliberately hunting, everyone already has a S.O., is busy, brushes you off, moves away, etc.
ii) Once there's a particular boy with potential... boys tend to have a mixture of obliviousness and shyness that can make them frustrating to deal with. Clarity and a little initiative in your dealings with boys will make it less likely that you'll both be wondering what's going on.
iii) There are too many factors in a relationship to have hard-and-fast rules, or for anyone to be too stubborn about a particular course of action. It's hard to be sure, but it seems to me when an aspect of a relationship becomes a "project", you may kiss the relationship goodbye. It's its own little universe, simplify at your own risk.
That may have drifted a bit from your question... how to get a boyfriend? Well, being busy as in (i) is a start, as is being clear about how you feel -- a specific instance of (ii). It'd be dishonest to say that guys don't care about how you look or carry yourself, but the good/complicated news is that their opinions differ, so you don't need to make yourself a clone of some coupled girl or anything. If you're comfortable with how you look, you'll carry yourself better, so start with that. I guess (this may be obvious) talking and interacting with guys is also a good thing, just keep it natural and don't make all your communications into a boyfriend-getting project (see (iii)).
It may sound like I'm telling you to live contentedly and actively and to stay multi-faceted and keep a sense of perspective... and that's exactly what I'm saying. It may happen that you wind up with a bunch of interesting, lasting platonic friends and no boyfriend, but that'll be OK too, right?
Feel free to pick my brain in the future and help me to understand my questioners if you feel like it...
Cheers
Eric
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