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unsupportive friends
Gosh, being bi is so confusing and it tears me apart thinking about it, my friends, a lot of them are homophobic. It sucks to know that even if I ever gather up the courage to come out, I’ll be alone. I don’t want to be involved w/homophobic people because I’m literally bi and also, i have a moral compass. But I’m too scared to be alone without them. Especially hazel, she’s the closest to me but because of “her religion” (in her words) she’s one of those “I dOn’T aGrEe wItH thE lIfeStylE” but it’s so complicated. Is it just religion? Is that even a justifiable reason? But it fricking sucks knowing my closest friends of 4 yrs would leave me just because I like girls (and boys).... I guess in the end, my question is as simple as, what should I do?
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If you're bi, you know your friends won't like it, you don't need to tell them. You still like girls so thats fine for them to know and you aren't lying to them. If you like guys then keep that private. No need for them to know you also enjoy having sex with men, it doesn't add anything to your friendship. Just enjoy it in the privacy of your bedroom like everyone else.
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If they don't support you they aren't real friends. If they don't stand by you they don't deserve you. I would start to explain being bi and sexuality. Maybe say one of your friends came out and talk about how happy you are for them and how you are supporting them since you should love who you love! Remember being gay (or loving people of the same gender) are more natural! It's actually more normal to get along with the same people. If she let's get religion come over her friendship she doesn't deserve you <3
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Be who you are and know who are deep down and don't be miserable for a second. If others can't accept you tough shit. They are the one's with the problem not you and they'll have to learn on their own damn time. If you don't do that you will be miserable and dragged down by idiots.
This is a test really where you have to look inward and discover yourself and what you don't want or need. Then you must cast out people who aren't really friends and are judgmental and seek the support of those where it doesn't matter. There are tons of support groups for LGBTQ youth out there where you can make friends and get support if you reach out.
There are a lot of people out there that call themselves Christians and are fanatical about it but have no idea about God or following Jesus's teaching and principles. He never cast annyone out but rather healed them instead.
Hazel and her family haven't figured this out. Quite frankly she's someone who doesn't think for herself and is following what other adults in her life believe of have taught her to.
Neither she not anyone else has to "agree with your lifestyle" or being gay or bisexual at all. It's about you and not them. If she's a true friend it doesn't matter. All that matters is a label that she didn't know about until you told her. If she changes towards you trust me you don't need her around. It's not a justifiable thing.
The thing about this is that you and you alone have the decision and choice over who you tell about your sexual orientation because it's nobody else's business. School may not be the best place to be out as unfortunately it puts a target on your back for every bigot and homophobic person there.
You really don't have to come out to anyone unless you really feel it necessary to do so. You can be friends with these people and their not knowing but if you think they'll only ditch you later don't. Life is too short to spend a second of it being miserable.
You really have to do some house cleaning her and discover who you are, where you are going, what you need and whether certain people should be in your circle. That's hard to do.
There is no reason you can't find friends or have them if these people don't work out. There's always clubs, student council, theater or other places you can turn.
As I mentioned there are groups for LGBTQ youth that you should research for support and can be found on the Internet.
While you don't need therapy it wouldn't hurt to find a teacher or school counselor or child/youth worker at school to talk about what is going on and get support there too.
Once you establish that support network there will be nothing in your way and confidence will develop. You just need to take that first step forward. You are going to find lasting friends. Don't fret.
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I knew a few woman who through my neighbor, a female who was bi, and they were bi. I am not but accepting of all people. I can say that there is hope. Now none of the women I met were teen or college age, but any age older, most were married and had a kid or two. I did ask and some said the husband was very understanding, would take the wife to a club for gay people where it is easier to find a partner than out in regular life. Or the women had ads on the internet in dating sites for gay, or transgender, bi, and so on. The internet is a good place for specific dating sites such as the one for senior citizens to date or for Christians only. I have seen sites for those who are LGBTQ. I learned from these women that most had interest in only one man, their husband and were not attracted to any other men but women were the exception and they would be attracted to many women over time. You are not going to find those who understand in your current group and it is not your job to convince them otherwise just because they are your friends. Unless you are in your thirties or older and know for sure that you will always be bi, it may be better for you to experiment with bi friends. There are bi people in some swing clubs, in gay bars or other such venues, on the inter net and thats all I can think of other than some groups of pagans and I have heard stories, can't say its true, of bi women accepted in the SCA, Society for Creative Anachronism but not sure I believe that. Some of the bi women talked about having house parties to invite women who were 'bi curious'. I asked about that and found that women who are pretty sure they are bi, and even others who are pretty sure they aren't, all still wanted to know what it was like for bi women and I was told that the non bi simply watched women having sex with each other, and very few actually participated. You might want to see if you can find these kinds of females and strike up a friendship, have your sexual experiences with them and decide if you are still sure about being bi.
The argument of religion is taken from some verses in the Bible. What I do know scientifically is that it can be proven that being gay or bi isn't a choice as is argued, but people are born that way. Farmers raising livestock have known for as long as there have been farmers that even among animals you will find a natural desire to go after the same sex. So while not the majority, having different sexual desires is not unheard of or weird, just less common. I used to attend a church totally against any one who identifies as LGTBQ, but now go elsewhere, where homosexuality is accepted and those people welcome. Once I learned that fact that animals also can be gay, I realised all the arguments can't hold wster any better than a bucket full of holes. Many in the church simply blindly believe what they are told, which is dangerous, as thats how untruths are passed on to the people, and they will believe just because they assume its from the Bible or that the Pastor/Priest can never be mistaken and only always relay the truth. I do not try to change anyones belief on LGTBQ. Thats Gods job with each individual. Just know that there are others like you out there. Eventually, you could have a group of like minded friends, but also keep your straight friends group, and hang with them, just not for sex or even debating the subject.
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