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How do I deal with bullying?
I am a 17 year old boy from India. In my school I had a classmate whom I didn't get along so well. Even today after two years of graduating out of school, he still continues to persist me at reunions. The thing is he still bullies me because I don't have the confidence to go up and talk to girls. I mean he has better social life than me. I am trying to overcome that anxiety though. With that point he continuously roasts me in front of everyone. But if I give back or retaliate all he says is this- 'No one is talking to you'. This makes me even more pissed. And plus I can't find any weak spot of his to roast him back. I am fed up. I literally see his face and I am so disgusted. And plus nobody will be ready to support me. How do I deal with him alone? I need your advice.
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A person who bullies gets something out of it, there is a payoff for them or they would not be doing this. So if you eliminate the pay off, you eliminate the bullying.
They like to see the person squirm, feel and look embarrassed or uncomfortable and its a bonus if they can get you to react with anger or tears.
What they do not expect is your joining in on roasting yourself. Humor goes a long way in helping here. I was socially awkward and quiet in school and got teased by those who did not understand why I was so quiet and wouldnt talk to anyone. So I got teased.
I got teased with variations of my name, also for wearing glasses as some of the more common ones. So I will show you the example using the glasses issue.
When teased about my glasses, I looked down, wouldnt look them in the eye and silently made sure to get out of their sight.
Now, If I were to be teased about having "Four eyes" which is including the glasses as eyes, I would respond with humor such as, "Only four eyes? Gee I have way more than that buddy. And before you ask, you know how we call the starts on potatos as eyes, right? Well, I have skin tags all over my body and I refer to them as my many eyes."
That is weird but funny and unexpected and surely will get a selective few to at lsast laugh at what you said. In your case, work at coming up with memorized responses and facial expressions and hand movements. You don't want to come across as an emotionless puppet just saying something he memorized.
Do people laugh when he roasts you? If they do but start laughing at things you say, then you are stealing attention away from him, he has less people reacting to what he says to you. He won't like getting less of the attention and that is enough reason for him to start leaving you alone. Usually a bully is someone who is hurting inside themselves. Just more outgoing a person. So he may feel abandoned, unwanted, ignored as a kid growing up and all he knows is the many ways to become the center of attention by what he says and does. In your case, you have to come up with funny responses to what ever he says that is supposed to make you feel embarrasssed or too much attention.
If you give me some examples of things he has actually said or repeats often, I will see if I can come up with something. Otherwise, use your imagination, and let humor help.
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Hi, I hope I can add some additional advice. You say this "bully" graduated two years ago? Then why can't you just avoid him? You mentioned reunions, and in my experience, they happen maybe once a year. Maybe you mean "get -togethers". IN any event, you are not with this person on a daily basis. So try to build up your confidence by approaching girls when he is not around. Then if you find one that you like, and she likes you back, (for who you are), then it won't matter what he thinks. Because in the end, it does not matter what he thinks. You are letting him get to you. But building up your confidence will make that happen less often. First approach girls with friendship. Or get more comfortable talking to girls that you are not attracted to. Then use the same approach with girls that you want to get to know better, and while you'll feel nervous inside, hopefully it won't show outside. And just avoid this @hole. Don't go to the reunions. Make new friends, more friends and avoid people who do not respect other people. Who needs that in their life. and remember. Your teenage years are a very short time in your life. (although I certainly know it does not seem that way) But it is true. When you are a young adult, working or going to college. you'll probably will not see many of the people you went to high school with. Then I predict, when you attend you 25 class reunion, you will be a successful person with a beautiful wife and very successful, and that bully, will be driving a garbage truck, and on his 3rd marriage. Look at the successful people in your life. They were all young once, many of them were bullied, and what they did not know at the time, but that they know now. It ends. Bullying ends when you move on with your life and leave those losers behind. You have so much more to offer. Nice guys do NOT finish last. They finish well.
Good luck to you!
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Honestly i would be the bigger person and walk away if you stick around he’ll continue to bully you the longer you stick around near him you’re giving him more of a reason to bully you you’re adding more fuel to the fire you shouldn’t have to find a weak spot to roast him back you shouldn’t have to feel fed up you shouldn’t have to be put in that position if you walk away then you aren’t subjecting yourself to him bullying you you deserve better you’ve got to think of yourself you have to realize you’ve graduated out of school you aren’t obligated don’t have to give him any of your attention or time he is no longer your classmate he isn’t worth your time or attention you trying to find a weak spot of his to roast him with since he is the one who is bullying you it’s not like he is treating you nicely it would be a different story if he was then you wouldn’t be put in this situation position i would ultimately walk away and be the bigger person don’t get yourself down to his level he isn’t worth it
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