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Heterosexual viewing gay porn
in a heterosexual relationship. Just discovered my husband of 30 years is viewing gay porn for hours every morning on his laptop. Should I be worried? Should I confront him about this?
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Dear "in a heterosexual relationship." Your husband viewing gay porn for hours every morning is a significant indicator that your husband has gay tendencies and/or gay preferences. If you decide to discuss his behaviors, you should first be mentally and emotionally prepared to handle your discovery.
Becoming open to his fantasies can go two ways.
1. The two of you become more open and experimental with sexual activities.
2. Or you become more distant and discouraged, which may lead to emotion/sexual distancing or eventual divorce.
Ideally, it is usually best to be open. But, are you prepare to take the step? If not, wait and give yourself time to grow.
Then, when you are ready. Slowly, kindly laying the ground work, and lovingly reveal your discovery to your husband. Good luck with your marriage.
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f you are afraid of the answers, which you will understand possible ones as I go on, then you may not want to ask him. Although I can't promise that keeping the crumbs and dust swept under the rug will mean it never sees the light of day. One day, he may become brave enough to tell you and you may or may not be ready
for the answer. His answers could blow your mind.
If you choose to talk to him, remember this is not a confrontation which to me means accusing a person of doing wrong or needing to be corrected and set straight.
There are several scenerios that may come into play. He could be bi sexual but never acted on it. This would mean he is sexually excited by both men and women. Simply watching porn then is the safest way to take care of that part of himself. It may not be the most fulfilling for him. I will make a suggestion at the end regarding something I feel is even better than watching porn.
A person could be truly gay but due to family or social cues, decided to hide that part of themselves and force themselves to live the straight hetero sexual life.
These days, there is more knowledge shared of what it is to be transgender. This means the gender you are born with is not the gender you identify with. It is mostly people in their thirties and younger who feel there is some basic understanding and knowledge on this, but those of us older, never ever heard of such a thing at the time we were getting married and so a person who is male in body parts but has always felt like a female with female likes and desires learned long ago to hide it. I have met a couple people in my life who were transgender and gay and one gay and polyamourous and those are very complicated situations.
Also, a person's mind is their greatest sexual organ, and what we see and hear and as a result think about can give us the sexual delight we seek. What that thing is that heightens and in part or fully fulfills the sexual part of each of us can vary to some really normal to strange stuff like being tied to a bed as more normal to the pain thing with hot wax poured on you to peeing on your partner and then viewing something you believe is a forbidden practice such as being gay, can easily heighten the sex experience for others.
Let me tell you of something I experienced with my 2nd husband, my soulmate. There were a couple mornings I found my hubby in front of his pc viewing naked pics of women while masturbating. I was not angry, just curious and walked up behind him, greeting him and asking what he was doing. I was not accusing or confronting or a person will clam up if you do so and you'll never find out the truth. He told me that some mornings he wakes with the need for sex but sees I am sound asleep and doesnt wish to wake me. He is being considerate of me. I told him he could wake me and he has but he still will not do so if I got little sleep or am not feeling my best. He told me he was looking for photos of women whose bodies looked just like mine and when I asked to see the photos, he scrollled through and showed me and I had to agree they looked very similar to me. He stated he wished it was easier and he simply had photo of me to use when he didn't want to wake me. Ao I said why not take nude pics of me for this purpose. He was surprised, Really? he asked. So we did some photos. Some I didn't find flattering to me but he loved them and that's what counts. He loves me even more for being willing to offer that and I love him even more for thinking first of my sleep when he is desiring sex with me.
So who knows...you might be able to have an experience where you draw even closer to each other through sharing with each other. My tips, try to be open minded about it. Remember the scenerios that make a person horny are not necessarily something they would want to carry out in real life. Allow him to share and let him know he can tell you anything, just that you were afraid to ask before now but realize this doesnt change him, just may change some things and bring it into the open so it doesn't have to remain hidden and so you both can talk it out. If by some change, he is interested in trying it, often its the curiosity and not a true fact of being bi or gay that drives it. I was once attending a pool party with hubby as our friends plus 1 to this party so I really didn't know the people there. I was sunning by the pool, opened my eyes and saw all the w omen were missing so I asked where they were? ONe husband said his wife was bi and her partner was there. They had decided to have some time in one of the rooms and when all the other women heard about it, they wanted to go watch and the majority of them were bi curious. To this day, I haven't heard from my friend of any of them becoming bi, you either are or aren't and it isnt something you decide to share.
Now as for what I mentioned as a better alternative to watching porn is a venue through which one can experience all the things they want to but never have for special reasons. I am talking of a program on the computer called Second Life. It is a venue that is run with pretty much all the things one could experience in real life.
YOu have to spend a minimal amount of money to play and once in, people earn game money to carry on. You get an avatar and name it, dress it, go to dances, clubs, sing or perform on stage, go swimming, surfing, riding motorcycles, anything you can do in real life. I used to play and my hubby does minimally now. Just for the challenge, besides his male avatar, he created a female one to see how good he might be able to do as a female and through that discovered plenty of seniors who never followed their true path, were bi, gay or transgender but hid it. NOw they can experience what it is like being the other sex or having sex with those they couldn't before. It seems to fulfill that part of a person that has always wondered or mourned for what they just couldn't b ring themselves to do. I can't swim so I trying the swimming and surfing and other water sports where I would have drowned in real life long ago. If in the talks, your husband is really curious to experience but isn't gay or bi, then I would mention Second Life and support his getting into it. I even tried being a male, and I could create a really handsome one with great name and such but when it came to typing in my conversation with women, I just couldn't think of what to say to women. Though my husband is good at it, he most definitely is not gay. I hope this helps you. But I will say, there is a reason for his viewing this porn, and if he says there isn't, he is afraid of your response and that may be in part to how you have responded in other situations over the years, if you get over emotional, instead of remaining calm, and such stuff. Hope this helps you.
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Remember there's a reason for everything. Maybe he's secretly bisexual. I think you should have a conversation with him about it so that you get an understanding of his mindset.
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