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Guy I’ve been seeing
27/f he’s 28/m
Hey guys! I just need some advice on my current situation. I met this guy online about 2 years ago. We talked a lot at this time and I went to his house to hang out we didn’t do anything sexual.. New Year’s Eve of 2018 we were both drunk and I drove to his house after late at night and we had sex. The sex was amazing it was passionate. After that he kind of would ignore me and our relationship turned into only having sex on his terms. I got attached and I got feelings. The things he would say to me while we were in person I believed. That he’s not seeing anybody else, that he’s into me. But then once I get home doesn’t answer my text doesn’t talk to me. He’s had sex with me while he has had a girlfriend also so I almost feel like he always comes back to me and that there will always be hope. The most recent situation was back in June we had sex I ended up wearing one of his t shirts home and I forgot my shirt at his apartment. I joked being like yeah just give me a shirt that you don’t care about because I know you won’t talk to me after this.. he reassured me I worked hard for that shirt blah blah blah. I accidentally left my shirt didn’t talk to him for a few months because he wouldn’t answer my texts Snapchat whatever. I was drunk one night and messaged him saying hey do you still have my shirt? And this mofo said no it’s been 7 months I threw it away like first it’s been 3 months . Wtf!!!!! I don’t wear cheap clothes threw my shirt away???? I texted him flipping out saying how much I have feelings for him and he actually hurt me and treats me like nothing. Like I would have given you money to mail m6 shirt back... He wrote back that he was sorry he was selfish he had no idea I felt this way. “I know your a great girl I didn’t know you felt like that and I’m sorry for hurting you it wasn’t intentional” a few weeks later.. my friend and I went to this bar right across from his apartment I texted him saying that we were at a bar and if he wanted to meet up. He was like I thought you hated me bc I basically ripped him apart when I last texted him. I told him but I wouldn’t mind seeing you. He invited us over his apartment i think he was already drunk I’m not sure.. we drank and smoked and he kept complimenting me in front of my friend and made eye contact. My friend even kept calling him out being like Steph he doesn’t stop talking about you. We ended up going upstairs my friend and I decided that if we kept drinking more we both wouldn’t say no to a 3 sum... we were in his room and he put the song on “yours” by Russell Dickerson and said that he put this song on for me. Kept saying all these things that he’s into me. The three of us were hooking up and then before we could even have sex this kid Falls asleep!!!! I think he was so drunk and stoned he was hard then went soft and fell asleep. He slept with his arm around me all night and then in the morning kissed me.. that was my night. I went home in the morning texted him at like 4:00 being like I had fun with you last night. HE DIDNT ANDWER then I texted him back at 10 pm and I said I hope you did too. HE STILL HASNT AND DIDNT ANSWER. How is that fair????
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Dear Miss Back and Forth,
It seems this guy has that simple little fear of Commitment especially with the fact that he turns to you on his own time. Why would you ever want to make yourself feel 2nd to anyone when you should be first to the one you are meant to be with. If he is the type who doesn't answer than he's not a man. It's more of you dating a scared child. Real men tell you how they feel even if it's not the answer you want to hear. Why continue down a path that leads you to the same dead end? Maybe it's time to take a new road and find your happiness somewhere that doesn't constantly lead to the same place.
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I read your question. What you don't want to do is get consumed by sexual feelings of someone under the influence of alcohol.
You also do not want to make a big fuss over someone who hits it then quits it. It is a lesson learned. Next time, maybe you should not drink and not go home or not spin the night at his place. Sometimes being the sober one, the partner not under the influence of anything can open your eyes. Especially in letting you see your partner or guest in their true light.
Everyone is not who they seem to be under the influenece as are who we think they are sober. Just raise your standards. And set boundaries. And most importantly be careful. And do not share anyone with anybody sexually, its desperate and not appropriate.
Best of Luck,
MisterAdvice101
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I would say fairness is involved here but the maturity of the people involved. Sometimes in life you run into people who may be interested in you for whatever reason but they are no perfect match for you whether for just friendship or more.
So he has a girlfriend but likes you for reasons of his own. This can happen when the crucial foundation for a commited, long term or marriage relationship is only half there or not at all. The foundation i speak of the two must haves. One being each others best friend and treating each other in such ways and the other, being each others sexual equal.
Now atory to explain how it works. When I was divorced and dating, I went out with a guy who at the end of the date said he had to confess that he was married and that he was looking for a sex partner on the side. I asked why he hasn't left the wife and his answer is that he loved her, she was his best friend, just that they no longer had had sex for a long time, since having kids, but otherwise, he wouldn't want to hurt her. I said I wasn't interested but in case other women are, the best thing is to let the w ife know you wold never leave her but you still want a sex relationship on the side and make surae its not done behind her back. He said he could not do that as it would hurt her deepl to even have him poopose that. So its possible for a guy to be lovesome and yet be drawn to another for whatever they are missing in their relationship. Besides, you need to figure out if you are truly looking for a life time partner, married or not, or just for social reasons and sex. Those are different reasons and a guy not intent on finding a life long partner may not make any commitment to any one woman but be a player and see as many as they wish. You decide what you want first and if he doesn't match up to your criteria, then you move on.
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