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just a confused teen
Hi so i am a 17 year old female and i am dating a male the same age. We have been dating for about 7 months now and we were both kind of scared to make the first move so the first time we kissed was prom night before we went out to eat. So it was graduation day and at our school juniors show up to support the seniors (the place they hold the ceremony is right by the school so everyone shows up to school and seniors ride over first and then juniors and then we come back blah blah blah)and there is a little ritual going on, anyways that day came and me and my boyfriend were both there and were in the same class and i was just sitting on the table and he was sitting in the chair across from me and at first that was all it was i was just sitting across from him then he kind of leaned in and grabbed my ass and pulled me in towards him so we were sitting closer and had kind of burrowed his head in my chest - i had on a low v-neck romper and a big fluffy jacket because i was cold - so he had his head on my chest and put his hand behind the jacket like out of peoples view and was rubbing my back and my ass , mind you we had just had our first kiss like a week ago, so anyways the teachers had left to take care of stuff and half of the class migrated out so it was just us and then some of my friends and some of his friends. So we were cuddling as we were before and i leaned in and kissed him and we kissed like a couple of times and i was happy because after 7 months i was ready and wanted to get things moving along like i am still a teenager. So we were cuddling and at some points kissing, but after i kissed him one of those times he started kissing my chest area, the area in between my breasts. now remember i had on a big fluffy jacket so he was somewhat hidden and i was getting turned on but we were still at school so i kinda backed up and we went back to playing a card game but i could clearly see he was turned on and so was i so we went to the classroom next door which was open and no one was in there and we started kissing and what not (which we adapted to pretty quickly surprisingly) so we were kissing and he was grabbing my butt and i had my hand on his head and of course the sexual tension was building but we were still at school so we both kind of broke off and it was time to leave for the graduation. by the time everything was over it was like 9:15 and we had gotten invited to a graduation party which i decided not to go to because there was going to be heavy drinking and i don't drink so me and my boyfriend decided to go to his house and watch a movie. so we got there and started off watching a movie but half way through it turned to me on top of him, he was kind of dry humping me, we were kissing and things were getting very heated, but then his older sister came home so we stopped and went upstairs and things started again but no clothes came off he was thrusting but it was never any penetration and he came just in his pants.. i don't really know what i am asking or how to ask it i don't know like what next, i want to wait to have penetrating sex until marriage but our relationship is getting pretty serious i have known him since 8th grade and we have had little crushes on eachother but this time it turned ready, i am open to oral sex. i dont know what i am really asking i guess what are some things we can do to relieve sexual tension between us, why do you think it was such a quick switch between us first kissing to like all of this, anything like that. he is supposed to come with my friends boyfriend over to my friends house who i am staying with this week and they're also in a similar place but they've been dating for like a year and aren't having sex but have done stuff, so there will be a lot of sexual tension, do you think it would be a good idea to even have them over if they do come over should we all stay together...ughhh i am so sorry this is messy and i don't completely know what i'm asking i am just confused and ready.
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If you're planning to do anything use protection. You don't want to be dealing with kids, as a kid, trying to figure out who is going to babysit for you while you try to go to college. Childcare can get expensive. Remember, you'll be a young mother and a young grandmother. Boys don't really care about this stuff, because they don't know what childbirth feels like.
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Hi. I think one of the reasons things switched so quickly between a kiss and things getting to the point they are now could be for a few reasons. Firstly I think with how old you both are your hormones will be going crazy. Now although the same is true for you as well and you have been wondering when things will move on he was likely also wondering the same thing but did not want to seem like he is being pushy or forcing something to happened when perhaps you wasn't ready so just waited until he got some kind of sign. That first kiss was likely that sign he was looking for which is why things have suddenly just jumped so dramatically forward. When you are in the heat of the moment things can get a little out of control and although this is nothing new it can also be a dangerous thing because the last thing you would want happening is something you later (when the rush of the moment and the adrenaline) wears off.
You already have set and know your own boundaries on what you want to do and don't want to do (until much later) and the best thing you can do at this point it speak to your boyfriend about this and discuss it with him so he is aware of your boundaries and that he is able to respect and be happy with them. You can't realistically avoid being alone with your boyfriend for long, at least not without him noticing that something is wrong which will likely cause unnecessary problems. The best thing to do is talk to him and explain what it is you are okay with and not okay with. Your friends have been together a year and are managing not having sex (and you said you are okay with oral just not full on sex) so it's not like it can't be done. But it has to be something that you both will be okay with because otherwise it will be an issue that will just cause problems especially if he really doesn't agree with it and constantly pushes the issue (especially in the heat of the moment) and you give in then later on regret that choice. Not saying it will happen but best to see things from all angles and I think it will just make things easier if you and your boyfriend both know where you stand with things.
All I will add is not to change your principles for anyone else. I have seen it happen over and over and whenever people have done so I can't recall any one of them who have ever not ended up regretting it down the line. Good luck and if you need any further help please don't hesitate to get in touch via my column contact details.
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Hi there! It's OK, there doesn't have to be a direct question with a direct answer. Life's rarely that black and white is it mate? Just writing stuff down, expressing your thoughts is good. Kind of like a conversation, right? Lots of thoughts going round your head, so just let them tumble out and see what happens, eh? OK, so you've known him a long time. Long enough to get a good idea about what makes hime tick. And the relationship has grown over the last half a year or so into something more. You can't say he's been rushing or pressuring you. Only after 'one thing' as they say. In fact he sounds like good news, and there must be lots of girls who would like to able to say stuff like this about their boyfriends, and have so many positives. Even little things, like choosing to be together instead of going out drinking and partying with friends, and so on are a good sign. It's absolutely natural that you feel a strong sexual tension here. In fact there would be something wrong if you did not feel physically drawn to each other, and want to express it. You appear not to want to rush into having full sex, and he also appears not be putting pressure on you to do it. That's another very good sign indeed. Kissing, caressing, touching intimately and so on are a great way to reinforce the bond between you. Moving on, stmulating each other up to and including climax should be very enjoyable and a very positive way of affirming the bond. And they don't entail the risks and pressures of full sex of course. That's something you would like to put on-hold for a while, and certainly unprepared sex must have a high risk of resulting in an unwanted pregnancy. That's just not on your agenda! You feel comfortable and happy about making him come? Obviously, you can do this using your hands, and mouth. I'm sure he'll find that very enjoyable. And allowing him to stimulate you in the same way is something perfectly natural and acceptable. You should be getting pleasure yourself and he should enjoy pleasing you. So, emotions can run high and how do you keep this from overflowing into full sex? Which in more reflective and less heated moments you don't want to happen yet. It can be difficult! Really it's about agreeing limits. Try to overcome any shyness about talking to him about such things. It's your relationship. A frank discussion is in order. Outline what and how much you feel happy about the relationship entailing at the moment. If the guy loves you he should respect your wishes and expectations. Even when things get heated. It's impossible to say for sure, I don't know him, but he sounds from your description like a man thinking about the long game with you? Laugh a lot, love a lot and have
fun, but stay true to your values. That is keeping your self-respect and dignity and a long-term relationship has to have these things in full measure. When the time is right to go further still, you will know it. I hope this is of some help to you? The essence of the question seems to be, how do you know when it's time to trust a guy and give so much of your self to him? Has he earned that yet? Does he deserve that much trust? We only answer these questions by spending time together, taking things in a steady, natural order. Building a knowledge of each other. Forming a bond. And that seems to be what you are doing already. The odd shake and wobble, asking questions of yourself, looking for assurance and reassurance and so on? They're all part of the journey. My best wishes to you.
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First love and the new sexual feelings that come with it can be very confusing, but everything you have described is absolutely normal for your age. Kissing and touching can escalate to sexual intercourse very quickly at 17 when hormones are running rampant. I applaud you both for acting responsibly in the heat of the moment and not having unprotected sex. If you wish to wait until after marriage for penetrating sex there are many ways you and your boyfriend can relieve sexual tension. Please keep in mind that there is still a danger of transmitting STD's through oral or anal sex. If you choose to experiment please use protection. The best advice I would give young people in your situation is to find sexual release through intimate touching, aka "hand jobs", or by rubbing against each other fully dressed as you described. You might also consider using fingertip vibrators or other "toys" meant for sexual pleasure. It IS possible to get pregnant if any of his semen gets near your vaginal opening, (for example, he has it on his fingers and then touches your vagina). It isn't common but it has been known to happen. If you are not 100% sure of your decision to wait, please make sure to use some form of reliable birth control as well as condoms. It sounds like you are both very mature for 17, and can be trusted to act responsibly. Best wishes!
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I read the entire thing and it seems like he’s moving faster than you want. Talk to him about it and let him know EXACTLY how you feel. If he doesn’t want the same then do not conform to his expectations. The most important thing is your happiness and comfort. You need to be comfortable with everything. Set boundaries.
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