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I have a date tomorrow night !
I am a 29 year old female and I have a date with a guy that i knew in high school that I have not seen in 10 years. We are going bowling and out to eat . I have no idea what to wear. I am so nervous. I still leave at home with my mom and my mom wants to meet him plus she wants me back home by midnight. How do i tell this guy that i have not seen in 10 years that i have a curfew?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Tell him: "I know this may seem kinda weird, but I kinda have a curfew. I hope you don't mind? Hehe."
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What advice said, I couldn't have said better. Even if you see this too late for this date, there may be another chance or another guy. You are an adult. But the reason you do not go against Mom is that you are afraid of repercussions. Most reasons are that Mom has a way with words of making you feel guilty for not doing as she asks. Or she may threaten to kick you out of the house or stop talking to you. There are people your age, not even living at home any more whose parents still try to meddle in their lives, calling them all the time to check up on them and demand to meet their dates, tell them where to apply for work and say if you don't, I'll never speak to you again for the rest of your life.
If you choose to not stand up to her, thats your choice, but with it, you must understand that there is no late set 'off' switch for her controlling behavior. She will do this til the day SHE dies. How long do you think she can live? She's at least 20 years or so older or more. So a 49 yr old may live another 40 years. Or if theres health problems maybe only 25 or 30 years. This would mean your never dating, never marrying and having kids and living with your mom for the next 25 to 30 years or more doing her bidding. I am not exaggerating. I met a woman at McDonalds who stopped by my table to comment how cute a couple my husband and I were and we are in late 50s. She proceeded to tell a bit about herself and mentioned a grown son in his early fifties still living at home. Some kids never do break away from the parents and live their own life.
I am a parent. My kids are all adults since they are all over 18 and at 26, 29 and 32, they are adults. I do not like every decision they make or their way of doing things, but my role as a parent stopped at 18 and changed to being only a support role, a sounding board. That doesnt not mean I have free right to give them my opinions when they haven't asked for them. I can say "Would you like to hear my take on that or my opinion " and if they say NO, which is more often the answer, I must clamp my mouth shut and make the choice to not meddle and just support what ever they choose to do. Your mom has not learned how to make that transition. DOing her bidding and following her curfew only sends the message to her that it is okay with you. Having put up with this stuff for 11 years more than you should have has given away the control of your life. Maybe you want that, someone else to be the decision maker of your life and you just following it. But don't expect any 2nd dates from a guy you tell that you have a curfew. They will see this as something being very wrong with you and your Mom. No guy is going to want to marry you but he would essentially have to be willing to marry your MOm because she would start to fight to run his life as well and if he didn't allow her to, she would do whatever she could to break you two up so that she could once again have just you to control. This is so very wrong hon. I have gone way beyond what adviceman said and given you some very real scenerio's to think about. At 29, if you want to date or have a sex life, you are entitled to it. Mom can't tell you what to do. I would not take anyone home to meet Mom until I have first drawn the line and said I will not do your bidding any more. However, realize that she holds the trump card, because its her house. She can tell you, do as I say or I will kick you out. Sometimes its an empty threat but I've heard of young people who actually did get kicked out because they were battling with parents to gain control of their own life. So you may want to do anything you can to become independant of her, having your own place, her not paying any of your bills. If you need suggestions on how to handle getting out on your own, there are plenty of options, roommates, or by yourself that can be more affordable. Just write in again and ask us all about that specifically. Right now, until you do that and get that living situation under control, you are going to be stuck because of the possibility of what Mom could do. She is an adult and might be helped with counseling to understand what she is doing is wrong but that is even a bigger problem, a child mentioning it to a parent can start a massive fight and adults cant be forced to go see a Dr. And by now, most adults are so set in their ways, they don't think they are in the wrong in the first place and there will be no convincing them. So as I see it, you have to be brave and set your foot down but it would be best to do so, once you are out of her house so she hold no consequences over you for going against her wishes.
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I believe in the edict that says "You live under my roof you live by my rules." That extends to somethings related too how things under the roof is done. Example: No overnight guest of the opposite sex; which does not mean you can;'t have a sex life. It just mean not under her roof. Use of her car would be to know where your going with it. Giving a 29 year old women a curfew does not fall under the edict.
You need to sit and have a talk with mom that you are a grown women that she can't dictate what, how or when you do things. If you live with her as her care taker you can agree on time to call her and let her know when you will be home and if you will be home that evening. As I said above you are an adult entitled to all the privileges of an adult which includes a sex life.
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