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Boyfriend communication
Okay so my question starts with two nights ago when my boyfriend did not have service and he went to some waterfall place with his friends did not tell me. Then he went to one of my childhood friends house who was having a small party and didn’t invite me or tell me. I was in the wrong also because I was helping my good friend dan to set a picnic for his friend Ryan and Ryan’s gf and didn’t tell him. My bf thinks I was sneaking around. So therefore we both suck at communication and to him it’s not fair and I suxk more. Even though last night he was at a friends house with this girl that I do not like and she put my bf all over her story and yeah I was upset. So my question is how do I approach the situation do I get mad at him for being with this girl last night and tell him I’m upset or do I just let it be and try and move on? Do I text him or wait till in person? Please help!
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Communication is important for any kind of relationship to work but you both need to trust each other too and it seems trust is an issue. If you both can't trust each other you are both wasting each others time in this relationship because you will both spend more time being suspicious of each other than actually being in a healthy relationship.
Firstly I am a firm believer in everyone having their own life - in a relationship or not. By this I mean I have never had a problem with my girlfriends having their own friends they can go out with or hangout with whilst I do the same. I certainly have never felt the need to notify any person I am with everywhere I go or who I am with all the time. This starts to feel like you belong to them and that in my opinion is not a relationship built on trust.
I'm not going to analyse the events you mentioned because that would be pointless as would picking who was more wrong than the other. Instead, I'm going to ask you, if you just let it be (about him being with this other girl) would you actually be able to let it be or will it just eat away at you at the back of your mind? Because if you can just let it go, like really just let it go, then it seems it really wasn't an issue in the first place. If however it is not something you would be able to let go and will just eat away at you then it is something you need to talk to him about. I think you both should sit down and talk things through especially on trusting each other and more importantly on talking to each other if there is something bothering either of you. Leaving things and just jumping to assumptions is the cause of so many misunderstandings in relationships and it's because of stupid misunderstandings that people tend to make real mistakes that are harder to come back from.
Don't use text to try discuss this. Text messages can be misinterpreted so this is something that should be done in person. Discuss and talk about it. If you guys can't work through this is will just continue to be an issue.
If you need more help with this feel free to message me directly via my column page.
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Communications is an important part of any relationship if which there are many different types of relationships. OF the different types of relationships they all have one thing in common. To be successful there must be good communications.
Right now you are in several different relationship, boyfriend, school and teachers and of course with you family. Each of these relationships thrive and grow on good communications.You and your boyfriend are not communicating.
In the communication with your boy friend you need to understand that maturity wise you are three years older than him. It is a fact girls mature faster than boys. This means that if you are both the same age, yours being 17, he has the maturity level of 14.
What this means is you and he have different things you want from a relationship. For the most part boys his age have only one thing on their minds and if they don't get it they move on. Girls should never compromise their principals and have sex with someone just to be in a relationship.
You need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a frank conversation. You need to know what he believes it means to be in a relationship. You will probably be surprised by his answer. If as I suspect sees a relationship as something of convenience then you explain to him what you want from this relationship.
As my mother would tell you at this point and I would agree. You are still young, there are plenty of men in the sea just waiting to meet you. Bait your hook and go fishing. I understand how important it is to be in a relationship while in high school. I do not think you will change him so the best thing to do for yourself is terminate this relationship.
One other thing to remember is that high school romances' rarely extend beyond high school. After graduation and that first summer you will go your separate ways. one or both will go off to different colleges or you will find jobs possibly one of you will enter the military. You will meet new people and have new relationships, several before you find that person you wish to spend the rest of your life with. So do not despair over one high school relationship.
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So you have communication problems with a boyfriend. At least so you say. Here's what came to mind for me based on all the blaming I here from both of you. Either the two of you have problems just with each other or the both of you in general just have trouble communicating, no matter who the people are.
I thought I could communicate well when I was young and to some extent I could however I did jump to conclusions too often for it to be funny anymore.
And guess what? I later discovered that the prefrontal cortex of our brains are not completely mature at the time our bodies mature. So after puberty, the body looks like an adult body but that part of the brain mentioned is still growing and immature yet until we reach our mid twenties and for some people, its later like hitting 30. So until then, our brain is not functioning at adult capacity even though we have adult bodies and do adult things like date. So my guess is that your problems may be due to your ages and your brain not having caught up yet. However the two of you can choose to read books about communication in a relationship and see if theres anything you can start to improve on now. It takes being proactive about this. Just letting it be or moving on, neither action addresses the issue at hand, a lack of communication skill or maybe it's more about how your minds are percieving things and possibly jumping to conclusions. Running from a challenge or problem will not solve it. Staying however may not change him either but it can change you if you decide that you will always learn in life from what ever challenges you meet up with. If you take actions to improve on who you are as a person, even if he doesnt' want to, eventually, you;ll see you outgrow him and want more in life rather than settling for less with a person who doesnt want to change and apply himself. YOu can't change another person but you can change yourself. So theres a good place for you to start. I am not saying you are a bad person...remember, I was once there in your spot but I chose to confront my challenges and learn and grow from them. Thats all you can do with the life you are given and avoid or cut down on being around people who do not want to or care about being a little bit better of a person than they were the day before. Its tiny baby steps but can be done.
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