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HE WANTS BREAKFAST BUT HAS A G/F
question if a man is dating someone but not married, is he still open to the public?
REASON I ASK IS BECAUSE OF THE FOLLOWING
HE'S BEEN BEGGIN ME TO COOK HIM A MEAL FOR THE LONGEST....SHOULD I???????
ive know him for over 10 years...he's a good buddy...here's the thing, he has a g/f but he hasn't been the happiest with her. he's flirted with me etc but ive always turned him down..n e way....he's know me for years...and has been beggin me for a home-cooked meal forever and I never fixed him one...so he'll sometimes watch me eat my food...while I laugh at him...well he asked me again yesterday will I bring him some breakfast, I didn't respond......so should I be nice this once....and bring him a plate of food tomorrow so he'll shut up or should I charge him??????
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
If you cave in, he'll feel he's won a step and will only beg more.
What I think is going on is that he is afraid of not having anyone to date. If he is not happy with his girlfriend, he needs to break up with her and be single again before you start doing special things for him that a dating partner/gf would. So far, you haven't mentioned anything other than smiling and laughing at him. Guess what? He could take that as a tease, that you are egging him on. Smiles say you like it, laughter means you like it alot and you may be teasing him. That kind of stuff will draw his attention more, especially if he's not happy with his gf. It is not a good idea to be doing anything special with him, even meeting with him often without the gf there, is not quite right, unless he is a coworker and sees you daily and you have the same lunchtime. That is something you can't avoid and no gf could accuse you of horning in on her bf. I think since you've both known each other for so long, that either in the beginning or somewhere along the line, he became interested in you as more than a friend. But rather than go single again, he may want to find a for sure replacement for the girlfriend before he breaks up with her. If you are seeing someone, tell him so and that his flirting as your friend is not appropriate, nor is his begging you to cook him anything. If you are so sure you are not attracted to him romantically, you have to make it blatant to him as he's not getting the message by you simply turning his advances down. Something like, Listen Mike, I like you as a friend but I have absolutely no romantic feelings for you. I do not feel any of that kind of chemistry with you. If you persist, much as I'd hate to do so, I will have to put a stop to our associating together at all, no friendship, no meeting, no texts or phone calls.
That would get the message across quite clearly to anyone.
However, I want you to think twice before you do so. The best foundation for happy long lasting relationships is when both are best of friends and also a good match in romance and sex. When people do not feel an instant sexual attraction at first meet, the big flame, they assume there never will be and just feel friendship is the only option. However the majority of relationships start as a little burning coal, enough to be a friend, but can grow and grow until there is a blazing fire for each other. Sometimes that happens for only one person, not the other. But if you've never given it a chance, you will never know. Word of advice, if you tell him you are willing to explore if you both could have the chemistry to be more than friends, then he would have to break up with the other girlfriend. If he can't do that, he might have some sort of security issue and that could mean some other idiosyncrasies you may not like.
Next time you see him, even if he's not flirting or begging for breakfast, start interrogating him. Get some answers. If you don't ask, you won't really know what's up.
If a good guy friend were doing this to me, I would be asking him the following:
You have a girlfriend. Hasn't it occurred to you to ask her for such a thing? Committed couples do this kind of thing for each other. So, Why are you asking me for breakfast. (IF he says he hasn't asked her, you ask him why. If he says she refused, then you say, if its all that important to him, then why is he still with her.)
Anyone I've known for that long will know I can ask anything and get right to the point with them and not have their feelings hurt because we are friends. So...
I'd ask him point blank if he has security issues.
(no matter what he answers, I'd continue with this) Well you have mentioned not being happy with her but you have not broken up with her. It sends a message that you are afraid of being alone and single again without anyone to date. It sends me the message that you want to start dating me and feel sure this relationship is solid before you break up with her. Is that what you are after?
Or, I might be in the mood to just say, Look Mike, I would hope we've been honest with each other all these years, and all I want is for you to be honest with me now. So are you interested in me as more than a friend? No, I don't want you to go off subject and say a bunch of other stuff, just answer my question. If he will not give you an answer, then you say, until you are ready to give me an answer, there is no reason to keep talking. Goodbye. And I would leave or tell him to leave whatever the situation.
It is scary for friends who fall in love with a friend to tell them so. They fear losing their friend. You will feel awkward around him if you know his gf was just a space filler, and he's not crazy about her at all but madly in love with you. To continue to hang with him while knowing he pines for you is something that will finally end a relationship as friends with the opposite sex. Ask yourself if you are afraid to find out as well.
If you are and you want to do stuff that encourages him even if you are not interested him in that way, then do whatever you want. But get ready to do more and more favors for him, the kind of things mates do for each other because they love each other. I don't understand the part about should you charge him. Unless you run a restaurant, I cant see where charging him for breakfast becomes a valid issue. I certainly wouldn't give him a free one and lose my job if that were the case.
Lastly, I want to make something really clear. You asked if a person is dating are they still open to the public? The answers are both yes and no depending on the situation. If a person tells someone that they are dating around and meeting up with other people until they find someone they want to get to know better and date for a while, they are saying that they are still open to dating others as they haven't chosen anyone yet to commit to in a relationship. This should not be an excuse to play around and cheat for years. If a person is actively looking, within a couple of months, they should have settled on someone to date for a while until they are more sure if they want to continue on or not. If not, they break up...which your guy is not doing. Maybe he is not sure of what he wants. I did this after a divorce. I was looking for at least a bf or if I got lucky, the guy would become my next husband. I was consistent in telling every guy I met that I was searching for my new bf and so I would meet with and see others until I settled on one guy. Surprisingly, all the guys were okay with this. Guys tend to do this without telling the females they are doing this because generally women get possessive or jealous even before they really have a right to. So men will understand this. Maybe in his mind, he thinks he is doing this. But if he's been dating the same girl past 6 months, I'd say he had enough time to decide if he wanted to continue on and then commit to being hers for long term. Apparently not.
The difference is letting a person know what you are doing to give them a chance to decide from the start if they want to even get involved in any degree with you. Too many don't say. It doesnt occur to them to do so. But it definitely is an option. Two guys I saw for a month or two let me know when someone else came into their life they wanted to be exclusive with and I was okay with that. The last one told me and I had just met my future husband so we both laughed and said we must have been fillers til our new partners showed up in our lives. Your male friend probably never made such an arrangement at the start with his gf. If he had, she'd know you and be okay with him seeing you and she may even be still dating around trying to find someone who seems to be her Mr. Right. I hope you see how something here isn't quite right. Even if he isn't being honest with you, he may not even be honest with himself. He has no clue what he wants because begging for breakfast all the thing is a very poor way of creating the setting where what he wants might become possible. If he were a bit more creative, he'd be coming up with lots of different requests to see if he can catch your interest in a deeper way. I certainly wouldnt be taking a guy like him seriously. I don't want to wait for a guy to be self confident as I am. Either he is honest and spits it out in conversation,, Or I personally wouldn't even be bothered to put up with this and I'd say whatever I had to make him tell the truth or stop seeing him as a friend. But of course, I am not you. Plenty women will date a guy who has a wife or gf and find nothing wrong with it as long as he claims he's not happy with them. I dated a while before meeting my husband and I heard that a lot from guys at a first meet at a coffee house. And that would be the only time I met with them as I didn't want to have to wait and undetermined amount of time for them to change if ever because the man I had married and divorced, I'd waited 30 years to see him change for the better but he only got worse and worse. If your friend is in love with you, you need to know and then make whatever decision you want. But I'd think twice if he has a problem with letting go of a relationship he's not happy with for whatever reason.
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