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How to relax about family
My sister just got diagnosed with an eating disorder and I'm scared. I know it's not my fault but I still feel like it is. How can I make these feelings go away?
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Only one thing occurred to me for a situation in which someone could truly feel guilty, and that would be if they saw and they knew what was going on but promised not to tell when asked to not tell. If this is you, then read on:
If this is the case, you were put in a terrible situation by sis. You support her to show you love her and keep quiet but at the same time you may realize that something may be wrong and you want to tell the parents because you do love and care about her that much and don't want to see anything bad happen to her. Now learning she indeed has a disorder can make you feel guilty for not saying anything.
If this is your case dear, it would be normal to feel badly about not speaking up but your sister already had this condition, you didn't talk her into trying an eating disorder, it was already there, so the fact she has the disorder can not be your fault. The amount of time before she was diagnosed was delayed by you keeping silent, that's all. You merely enabled her to stay stuck longer by not saying something sooner. What matters is that she is under Dr.s care. Find out from the parents and the Dr. what you can do to support her. If she at any point doesn't want to do what shes supposed to do and tries sneaking or getting away with something during her treatment for this disorder, you now know you need to be part of a core of people helping her make the trek to recovery without any sidetracking or stopping. Find out ahead what you are expected to do in case you see anything and follow through on that. That is how you can make things right again.
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Listen above all else listen. Don't offer opinion to her or judgment let her know she can come to you and unload even if she must. If you can be that to her and help advocate for her than that's the best thing anyone can do. The doctors and your parents can do the harder part of helping her tackle it head on. She needs to know to be 100 percent honest and that it's confidential to share or discuss anything at all with people treating her. There are no repercussions.
It's okay to be scared and actually bloody normal for everyone and to admit that. I wouldn't hide these feelings but confront them and talk about it. I think you would benefit from a therapist of your own to talk about stuff going on in confidence and get coping strategies.
You shouldn't feel guilty as this is NOT something you had anything to do with creating or influencing. It is not your fault. One thing to look into at the hospital or through her doctor are support groups or special programs led by professionals for teens dealing with or supporting others with eating disorders. That alliance of people can really help.
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To make these feelings go away you have to make yourself understand that you did not cause your sister to have an eating disorder. Did you do anything that might cause her to have this disorder such as shaming her for her weight? Telling her she was fat even though she wasn't?
Those are the reasons most people with eating disorders have them. They feel they are fat when they aren't. The psychologists and psychologist call it body dysmorphia. These people find physical faults where non exist.
IF you haven't done anything to cause your sister to feel bad about her body then you have no reason feel it is your fault. As for being scared yes eating disorders are serious and can be very, very dangerous. The best thing you can do now for your sister is be supportive. Tell her how good she looks. If she is bulimic watch her like a hawk and stop her from purging. If she is anorexic get her eating ask your friends to help.
Check with mom and dad but I would say even getting her to eat things like junk food is good. so try getting her to go with you and your friends for hamburgers and pizza. There are a lot of calories in a cheeseburger over 1,000 in most.
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