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Dad blaming me for dental woes when he didn't take me to the dentist?
I'm 23 and just went to the dentist today for the first time since I was 14. Of course the dentist found about 8 cavities in various stages. I do brush my teeth twice a day and regularly whiten them so he didn't find much plaque and there's only two serious cavities, but I still need to take care of them all. Some of them are the same cavities I had when I was 14 that my dad never got taken care when I was a child and that really makes me feel sick.
I know there are people who never had the money or good fortune to go to the dentist so I'm lucky that he took me at all. However, I'm still feeling very frustrated because he did have the money, he always just wasted it on other stupid things and now I'm paying for it with my health and having to take on a second job to be able to afford this...all while in school.
On top of that he had the nerve to tell me that I need to get braces...well of course now that I'm an adult insurance is less willing to pay for a portion of braces. I feel like it takes a lot of guts to tell me that I need to get braces now. Why didn't he get them for me as a kid so I wouldn't have to be dealing with this as an adult? I think it was rude of him to even say something, because my teeth aren't that crooked at all. Nobody else in my whole life has ever told me I need to get braces and I even have a best friend who's a dental assistant (she's actually the one who stressed to me that I really needed see a dentist for the two big cavities I have).
Anyways, my father is really making it seem like it's my fault and telling me I need to make sure that I keep going to the dentist and need to shop around for prices for invisalign. I have half a mind to tell him to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. He knows how hard I already work just to keep myself in college because that was yet another thing neither of my parents ever saved for. He really has some nerve acting like I'm not doing my best while paying for my own car, insurance, college tuition, rent, groceries, etc.
Is there a polite way I can tell him that this was kind of his fault and that this wasn't due to me not taking care of my teeth, but regular occurrences that happen when a parent doesn't bring their child to a dentist? There were only one or two of these cavities that developed since I was 18 so it's not all my fault.
I already have really bad anxiety about my appearance and always wanting to look pretty because I always feel ugly, now that he said that to me I feel even worse and I'm going to be obsessed with my teeth now. I already spent half an hour tonight brushing my teeth with $20 prescription toothpaste and then spent another hour doing whitening. Now I keep wondering if everybody has always thought I had gross teeth and just never told me. When he said that to me I started crying and wanted to jump out a window.
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Using a dental school is one good way to go and I have one more. When I was tight on money with no insurance, I called any dentist in my area and told them I was low income and asked if they knew of any dentists in the area that did work for low cost. Two didn't know, the 3rd one had a referral and that dentist did all the work and even tried to give me idea's of places to apply for jobs to earn more.
Trying to tell off your Dad won't change your situation. You just had parents who weren't the cream of the crop, basically they sucked cus there is always free dental clinics and stuff for low income parents and as you said, that wasn't even the case.
You are letting this eat you up inside and that is not good. You may want to check out some basic counseling, try at your school. Your statement: I feel even worse and I'm going to be obsessed with my teeth now, is something that alarms me. See, I have learned some things myself and realize now that is called by psychologists as distorted thinking. Your words and actions will follow your thoughts. If you do not believe it and reject what Dad or anyone else says that is not a supportive statement about you, then you will not have any anxieties about your appearance. I had anxieties as a kid and teen so I know what I am talking about. My guess is that it's possible you already had anxieties about your appearance before your Dad said you need braces. And subconsciously you thought you'd use that to have more reason to be upset with him. Again I ask, will it change your situation? The answer is no.
What you do need to be concerned about is getting your worst cavities taken care of immediately. Deep cavities can end up becoming root canal jobs which are more expensive. And absessed teeth can compromise your health by slowing releasing toxins into your system that can affect your overall health and have in extreme cases caused a person to end up in the hospital.
Counseling cant hurt and I seriously suggest that as the bitterness and hurt you feel will also affect your overall physical health and mental health. Find both a low cost dentist and some counseling hon.
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I know you think it will feel better to tell you father off and how it is his fault that he could not afford to take you to a dentist and it is. But take my word for it as I did have the opportunity, knowing full well, that when I did my father would never speak to me again and frankly I was fine with that. I got everything that was bottled up in me since childhood off my chest and down on papers and sent it to him. Unfortunately I am bless or cursed with a photographic memory I forget almost nothing.
Fact is it didn't change anything and telling your father off won't change anything for you either. Yes your parents neglected a very important part of your health and unfortunately dental health insurance rarely pays more than $1,500 a year with high co-pays for anything more than a routine filling.
There are ways you can get you teeth taken care of without causing you to go into debt. Look and see if there is a dental school in your area. Dental schools do the same work as a dentist and the students are supervised by licensed Dentists. Their charges for the work they do are about half of what a licensed dentist charge in a Dental Office and the work is equal to or superior because these student, generally seniors need to perform above and beyond to graduate.
One thing I advise against is taking a credit card called Care Credit. It offers six months no interest financing which looks great. At the end of the six months the interest the charge is 21% on the unpaid balance. IT is great for someone like me who can afford to pay a bill in full so what I do is use this card, divide the charge by six and have my bank make 6 payments rather than take money from saving. If you can't do this then the card is not something you want.
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