|
Should I move out?
I am a 17 year old girl and a junior in high school. I live with my 2 sisters, 1 brother, and mom and dad. I have been through a lot in my life. I was sexually abused when I was 4 until I was 11. I have been to 3 impatient care facilities and therapy for the past 5 years. My parents used to let me do a lot of things and trust me a lot. But as I have gotten older they have less and less. I do not lie to them, whenever they ask me what I've been doing I tell them, even if it is getting drunk in the woods. I let them have my phone location, literally anything they wanted in hope of being trusted, even though I have never really done anything to lose their trust. Although I do smoke a lot of pot, but I use it for ptsd because the pills don't help. I do well in school and I have a part time job. I have always wanted to be independent but never been allowed to basically because of my parents controlling my every move. I am going to be 18 in February and my question is should I get an apartment (probably rent a room)? I cannot stand being here and they don't let me out or go for sleepovers. I live in a 2 bedroom house with 6 people. I can't be here and I can't wait 2 more years for college. I am really not sure what to do or how I am even going to afford it. But I really don't want to ruin a relationship with my family. I just need to be independent and live my own life instead of my parents controlling my life. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think I should do.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Yours is a complex problem one that needs more help then we can offer in this type of communication. My knee jerk reaction to your moving out based only on what you have written. Is that doing so without knowing how to pay for everything that goes into living on your own will only put more stress on you. Right now I do not believe you need or can handle any additional stress.
You don't mention who your abuser was or what the outcome of the abuse was. Is this person a family member? Does this person still live with you? You mention inpatient care and therapy for the past 5 years; was this all for the sexual abuse?
It appears from what you have written that you parents are being overly protective. If it is because of the sexual abuse I'm not sure I understand their reasoning. Sexual abuse of a 4 year old can in no way be blamed on the 4 year old. You did nothing wrong. By the time you were old enough to understand you could not stop the abuse. Which leads me to wonder if your parents put any blame on you and is the reason for the over protection.
Are you still in therapy? If not I feel you should be. You need to discuss these problems with a good therapist. Meaning if your uncomfortable talking with this therapist than ask for a different one, this is your right.
The questions I asked you are ones that need to be asked, answered and discussed with your therapist. You need to discuss with your therapist this issue of overprotection and trust between you and your parents. You can give your therapist limit permission to discuss that issue with your parents so that he or she can help you resolve it and move forward.
If you have not had any real closure on the sexual abuse you need to gets some with the help of your therapist. That and the issue of trust along with any other issues you may have need to be resolved before you can fully move on.
]
I personally think that you should wait til college to move out. I understand that you think you can't wait any longer and you want to be on your own, independant, but you will be that for the rest of your life. You are still very young and you have your whole life in front of you. Why hurry? Try to enjoy being looked after, someone cooking for you, asking how your day was, paying the bills..etc. You don't want to live in the big world alone yet trust me. No one is fully ready for it. But you will do it in no time. Time moves fast and you will live the independent life you want. But you will never get your parents back and your childhood memories in your home. That will be gone. So enjoy it while you still can.
]
More Questions: |