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is this a bad thing or not?


Question Posted Thursday August 11 2016, 9:24 am

my guy friend always picks on me, so I asked why he does this, he says im easy to pick on, smiling.....is that a bad thing?

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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?


solidadvice4teens answered Wednesday August 17 2016, 5:27 pm:
A real friend doesn't treat you like shit for their own amusement or at all period. That's not friendship. The second part of this is that he thinks you are an easy target.

Short of asking him you need to figure out why anyone might pick on you let alone a so-called friend. It could be something inadvertent you did or a perceived slight or even a reaction to something in the past if he bothered you.

That may be it he's searching for a big reaction to what he says and does and may have got it before. That's what bullies thrive on. Don't give it.

It likely isn't your fault. He may just be a jerk and would target anyone he thought was easy or give the reaction he seeks. When they don't get it they move on. Often a bully comes from broken home (not necessarily), wants to be noticed and picks someone with lack of confidence who actually has the qualities or something else they wish they had.

My advice is to drop him as a friend and go about your business as though he didn't exist. When he sees he can't bother you he will likely fade out of your life fast. You could also stand up for yourself and find a way to put him in his place over something he's not comfortable with about himself and point out it doesn't feel good when he does it to others. I doubt he would get it if he thinks tormenting you is a science and rewarding.

Tell a teacher if you feel threatened or if he harasses you non-stop. Otherwise I would drop him, ignore him and move about your business as he's a friend and someone you don't need. Also check out bullying.org for great tips and stories from kids that may help you. It's a great resource.

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Dragonflymagic answered Wednesday August 17 2016, 12:42 pm:
Your choice of words in explaining to us may need clarification. We are all going to interpret 'picking on' in different ways. To one person already, it comes across as a bullying problem. However my first thought was the kind of picking on that means needling someone, pushing their buttons, trying to get under their skin or in short, bug them. If instead this is the kind of picking on you meant and he truly is a friend in all other ways, then I'd have to guess that what he does to attempt to bother you, is simply a way of showing you that he cares about you as a friend. Of course, for ages, very young males haved 'picked on' girls they liked as an immature way of flirting, like putting gum in their hair, the icky stuff you wouldn't call flirting but for lack of knowing what else to do, instead of asking how to flirt, they try to wing it on their own, often sending mixed messages if not the total opposite one that they hate you.
My guess is that he values your friendship and this is his way of showing it.

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Danicus answered Saturday August 13 2016, 1:33 pm:
No, your friend is just a bully.

He picks on you because you're probably smaller than him and you let him get away with it. If you let him continue to bully you, he probably won't stop unless you do something about it. Or stop talking to him.

There's probably info on how to deal with friend bullies. Maybe just talking to them or shaming them or making them feel like a jerk for being a bully would suffice.

Good luck and don't let yourself get bullied, you might become a target for other bullies if they see others picking on you and you just letting them.

Just don't get carried away like attacking him with a deadly weapon or anything.

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