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Confidence: How do I get some?
How do I develop self confidence? Or how do I stop being so conscious about what others might think?
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I agree with much of what Dragonflymagic wrote. For I too had the same problem and I was well into my adult years before I figured out the solution.
My solution was to realize that I need not worry what others thought. That the only person I needed to be better than was myself. Once I realized that I came up with a motto to live by. It is; "The only person I need to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today."
What this meant to me was I needed to grow as an individual each and every day. Even though I am now retired I still look to grow each and every day and I do that by looking to learn something new. When I was working I looked for things that would help me improve my job as a sales representative. It could be something that I could offer my customer, something I could learn about my competition or something new about the people who use my products so I could offer them better products to do their job with.
Those that I worried about as to what they thought about me quickly became envious of me as my sales increased and I out performed them. That wasn't my goal that was a byproduct of my increased self-confidence.
You have not given your age so I will assume you are still in school. Learning something new does and does not equate to school work. It does in so far as if you are allowing poor self-confidence to cause poor grades then working to be a better student each day then you were yesterday will in the end make others see you in a better light.
There are other things you can do to improve self-confidence through learning. Join activities that will help you improve your self-confidence. The two I like the best are the Police and Fire Department Junior Cadet Programs. You not only gain self-confidence but you are helping your community as well and you’re learning something new every day you are working in the program. There are other community based programs that you can join where by joining and working you will learn something new and because of the type of program you will build self-confidence as well.
What you have to do is decide to take that first step and find a program you would enjoy and join.
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I was once in your shoes and have overcome this all.
In order for you to do so, you'd need to be willing to face and do the very thing you are afraid of, essentially facing your fears. No, there isn't another way, but you can regulate how fast or how slowly and how often you do this until you are cured.
Thats what I liked about the program I followed to get over my extreme social anxiety as well as the two things you mentioned. Once I was no longer so shy, I still had to battle self confidence and once i did that, I found it easier to become no longer worried what others might think.
Okay, so whats the big secret to gaining self confidence...can't remember where I read this but I took a version of what I read and applied it to myself and it worked with shocking results. When it comes to self confidence, we are always comparing our selves to others, there will always be someone smarter, with talents we don't have, prettier in our eyes, and so we feel defeated to even start...at least I know my mind works this way and from studies and reports I am sure most others do as well.
So heres the principle: find an actor, actress or other famous person who seems to ooze self confidence on the screen and find one little thing about you that you can beleive in your mind you have in common, whether its the same hair color, mouth and eye shape, body size, etc. and you will use that item by borrowing it to gain self confidence. What I did is decide that my eyes were very expressive and pretty and I choose an actress who also had expressive eyes though in truth we werent' identical, hers were different in shape and color than mine. Next, everytime I left the house, or before entering a room or other building or sometimes during the time I was in a room, like when I had to walk anywhere, I would imagine that people would react on seeing me as if they were seeing that actress, and noticing the very thing I felt the best about me as. The results were amazing. There were many times I forgot to do this focusing with my mind, my thoughts imagining this and I still got the amazing results. Whether i was wearing makeup or not, men and women who were strangers to me felt compelled to walk up and tell me what beautiful eyes I had. Once you get compliment often enough on the same thing, you begin to develop your own confidence.
I know some of us will look in a mirror and see ourselves as ugly, wall flowers, etc. so if this is the case for you and you can't find one thing about yourself to focus positively on, then I suggest the next thing to do first. Take time to scroll the internet for photos of celebrities you think are really beautiful and then look for photo of them in real life, without the makeup tricks and hair tricks done to be in the public eye. One half of them, I can't identify at all cus they look so different, ordinary or have tons of freckles, age splotches, wrinkles, mishapen facial features. Its amazing the optical illusion of what makeup can do. And yet, once done up, these famous people are looked up to and idolized and many wish they looked at pretty as these people. Now if a celebrity can have the self confidence but actually look more like you on an ordinary day, then you will know that makeup or not, you can easily be seen as just as interesting or pretty or handsome as the next famous person. There are very few true born beauties in show business, more often, a person is chosen for their stage presence, personality, and how photogenic they are. Some people don't capture as well on photo and film whether wearing makeup or not. So try your own version of this until you have developed your own self confidence and if a female, try to get this as I did without makeup at times. The trick is not to have confidence in the makeup or what you wear but in yourself. Self confidence is picked up by people who see you, not as a tangible thing, because like air, it can't be seen, but the energy vibes of it can be felt. and people like to hang around those that make them feel good too so if you feel confidence and fun then people want to be around you.
Even so, once I gained self confidence, I had to get past one little thing, I didn't feel self conscious if I were in a big group of people, like lets say, a member in a choir. But if it came down to singing alone in front of a crowd, it was another thing, something I forced myself to do, something where all eyes would be on me. Or theres the times when I dressed up in colors and styles that didn't fit how everyone else was dressed, something that would stand out and perhaps not all would like, and thats ok cus we are entitled to our own tastes and likes and everything. Just becuase someone else doesnt like something about you doesnt mean that all people will. I remind myself of that pretty much still every day or at least weekly. Watch your thoughts dear because we all get negative thougths, and some about ourselves too. The problem is when you dwell too long on those distorted thoughts that your actions will follow through. I am sure you know what I mean by that, the person with little or no self confidence is pretty easy to pick out in a room as they don't look others in the eyes, likely cus of what they are afraid they are going to find there for one thing. Our bebehavior is controlled by how our thoughts go. So if after tring on your own and you find you still haven't got the confidence you seek, it may be a bit more complicated but the treatment the same, called cognitive behavioral therapy and one can find a psychologist wwho uses this therapy to help people get over something that is holding them back in life. Its not medicated, or long term either. It just going thru it and any exercises given at the rate you are comfortable and willing to do.
Good luck dear.
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