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18 yr-old still get abused by parents
I'm 18 from a Southeast Asian country where all sort of abuse is common. My parents (real) still abuse me. Earlier my mother slapped my more than 10 times. I have a red mark on my left face. She slammed me on the table then drag me hair. Of course as an 18 who would fight to their rights, I talked back to her. I told her, "is that what you can do? kill me." so see continued so smash my face on the couch. I continued talking back to her like: I'm 18 it's my right not to get physically abused. i even told her that it would be ok if she'd only abuse me verbally because it would never hurt me. I started yelling at her when my back hurt a lot. I have a problem with my vertebral disk so it's dangerous if my spine will be hit.
I cried a lot and she never stopped. It was really embarrassing because we have a guest, my 29-yr old cousin at the next door. After from a loud noise, my father came out with my arnis stick. he smacked me at my back, hips and arms. It hurts a lot really. He even tried to smack me in my head, but I've covered up so my forearm got hit. He ranted about how lazy I am, how dumb I am, how stupid and disabled. It killed me so much because it's 11 pm and everyone was sleeping. Our loud noise was heard by the neighbourhood who are just 2 metres away. I told him to stop because i can no longer breathe due because I was crying too hard that I couldn't catch my breath. He never stopped to smack me with his hands. I yelled that they have no rights to physically abuse me. They laughed sarcastically and said you're our child in my house with my rules. I even told them that I'll report them to women's desk and or tell my dad who's on a business trip (my 2nd father who's like my real dad and raised me until I was 13), but they just laughed and said go ahead that it killed me more. I told them that no one will hurt me no one will physically abuse me except myself but they kept on ranting on how lazy I am how different i am from my 5 siblings (i'm the 3rd child). My mother even told me that she regret making me alive. They even told me that I'm boastful about my achievements because of course that's just how I make myself better when they tell me how weak i am academically. I punched the wall and my pierced hand on it and it bled, but I can still type but can't write. I'm so desperate. I can't moveout I'm still in college and so poor. What will I do please help me. i tried talking about this to my friend but she didn't even empathized, she just laughed. I'm so tired but I won't sleep til I dry out my tears. I have a class tomorrow. My marks are visible especially on my face. plus I don't know what to do with my life. I don't know how to deal with the embarrassment of this to my neighbours, the marks on my skin, and the pain all over my body. I want to die since I'm feeling useless but I need to be alive for my dad(2nd dad) who cared for me and would be glad to see me as a doctor. I wanna die but i can't. They abuse me every couple of weeks. I don't know what to do. I'm 18. useless and weak. I can't stop from crying. I'm mentally destroyed from all of this plus I got dropped in my PE class this morning so that made me so destroyed.
I'm planning to stay up late and won't go home and perhaps get drunk. I wanna die. Please help me. what should I do. And also, I won't do any sort of reportings to authority that would humiliate them at any cost because my parents are professionals and I'm afraid to destroy their reputation. but I want to end this. I'm so sick of this physical abuse. i had no one to talk to. Please.
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My heart is breaking for you ! I am so sorry.
I think you really need to think about what you want and even more so what you need.
You need this to stop ASAP and you need to find a way to make it stop. Unfortunately the only what to make it stop is if you leave your house :(
If you say this is normal from where you are from your parents are not going to learn to stop doing this anytime soon if not never. You can't expect them to change. They are use to beating up on you mentally and physically so this is just the pattern they are stuck in.
School is important but your survival and health comes first!!!
Set a stopping point for yourself so you have something to look forward to.
Maybe you will complete this semester if you can stand it and try to be out of their sight as much as possible.
If don't feel you can do this , you still need to make a plan to leave with in a week or 2 whatever you feel you can work with.
Start looking into place you can stay. Maybe a friend that is further away. If you don't have anyone you will need to stay in a shelter :(
I would not recommend staying in a shelter that is near your house try to go a few towns over.
Maybe you can check it out before going just to get an idea of how things will be.
This is the only option if you don't have any money. Sometimes shelters will help you find a place, ask these questions before going.
You will need to get a job and start supporting yourself.
I wish that it would immediately get easier when you leave your parents home but you will probably face some more obstacles before you get more comfortable.
There are jobs you can look for in companies that offer tuition reimbursement so you can eventually finish school.
You can check out agencies where their are foster children in your state to see if they will help an 18 yr old and make sure you tell them your situation . They may be able to direct you to someone else who can help you.
It will be ok.
In all honesty I don't love these solutions , but it's the best advice I can give you if you want this to end.
1- Reporting your parents puts them in jail and since you are 18 I'm not sure if the courts will help you and this is not what you want to do anyway.
2- staying to finish college means further abuse and from the sounds of it who knows if your body will survive it.
College will always be there you will not :(
Make sure you are mentally prepared with whatever you decide. That will help you get through these tough times.
And please know you are so worth it!!!
I know it hurts especially since they are your parents but they are wrong not you.
Take care and I will pray for you.
and I am so sorry again you are going through this.
it will only get better from here just believe and let that belief carry you through!! You will overcome this!!!
sending you lots of love and hugs!! xx
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I agree with the other poster, you need to get away and soon. theres nothing you can do about the marks you already have on you im afraid, but go to school and try to stay strong. If people ask you what happened then maybe just tell them the truth. Say that your parents are very abusive and you got hurt. If they laugh, just tell them you dont see how thats funny and that your seriously hurt here and you dont need them making jokes about something thats really very serious.
Try to find someone else even if its extended family to live with...sometimes you have to put your personal safety over your education even if its just for a little while...
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I dont know what agencies are available in your country but there must be laws there too as in the US where it is a felony to hit anyone, even your own child, and it being their home and their child shouldn't make it an excuse to get away with it. My guess is there is something very wrong with your parents, either mentally unstable, or anger issues, all of which would require they see Psychologists for help but that wont come to the knowledge of those who could help them unless you report them. In your culture, pride, and family name is very important. They know you wouldn't want to humiliate them but there would be no need for that to happen if they treated you well. It is not you humiliateing them by reporting them and getting the medical and mental help you need. They put themselves in this position by the choices they make. I was married to a man who was verbally abusive to me for 30 yrs, yes even in the US. I chose to stay for my own reason which were different than yours. I was a church goer and church teaches to not divorce and trust God to heal your marriage. God gave each of us a free will. I forgot about that. And that free will is what caused my problem and same for you.
God said to me, if I take away your husbands free will and force him like a robot to treat you nicely then he no longer has a free will. I will not take away a free will even if someone uses theirs to make bad decisions, to hurt others, kill, steal, destroy. If he were to allow free will only in those who were doing the right thing, then even good people who've done some things wrong in life would be robots. God doesnt work that way. He told me I have a free will to choose to allow myself to stay where I am mistreated or to leave. So I left my ex husband. After 2 years he realized I wasn't coming back and agreed to file a divorce. If you will not report them, you need to leave home. You need to find a safe place to stay while you try to get your life in order. If no friends or other relatives can take you in, check with a school counselor and mention you really need to find another place to live as home life is affecting your ability to do well in school. You dont have to give details unless they ask for it and require it to get you the help you need. If you choose not to leave them, my guess is you wont live long as its a matter of time before they do something that kills you, or you get so depressed and feel theres no hope that you kill yourself. We can't choose our parents, but you can choose at 18, who you will associate with and its best you get as far away from them as you can. Even if they both got treatment from a Dr. its a long process until they become normal caring people if ever so even then, its not a good place for you to live. I wish you the best in finding an agency that can help take care of you.
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