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Will it ever work? (PLEASE HELP)
My girlfriend recently broke up with me. She said the way we communicate, and the way we think is different.
She is a lot more emotional than I am, and suffers from depression. Because of this she tries her very best to be optimistic about everything. She's a dreamer, I am not. I am a realist. I'm in my head a lot. This can sometimes upset her when we have long talks because she wants to remain positive even knowing there is so much negative going on.
I told her that often times these two types of people end up with/need each other. The realist to keep the dreamer grounded and the the dreamer to get the realist off the ground sometimes.
Then there is the communication aspect. She claims I'm dismissive, and I agree, sometimes I am. But to be fair, sometimes she will talk about something I generally don't have much of a reaction to. Other times I just have so much to say that I will dismiss what she said, and say what I have to say. Which is not okay, but sometimes hard to control. (Ever since kindergarten I've had troubles raising my hand before speaking)
I really want her back. I know things can't go back to normal right away but am I crazy to think that there is a possibility? She kept mentioning that maybe for right now we're not good for each other; imply that there is a chance that someday we will be.
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Hello,
I can't say whether she will give you another chance but here's some helpful wisdom I've gained the hard way, with a first marriage that didn't work out. On my part, it wasn't for lack of myself working hard at it and being positive. It takes both people putting in equal effort and willing to do lots of compromising. Not trying to, cus try means you're leaving an out for failure. As Yoda said, Do or do not, there is no try. I have my own saying from my experiences which will help if you plan to do it and find a girl who will to. Here it is: "Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so."
I agree with the other advicegiver that the word "MAYBE" is also another word just as iffy as "try". It's not a for sure thing you can count on.
You will need to study up on what life is like for a person who suffers depression, understand it from a clinical aspect if you intend to go after her again. She is going to need a special kind of understanding and support from you. You don't go into such a relationship blindly cus "gee, I like her cus she looks so cute". Not good enough.
Then there is the issue that you have as you mentioned here. She cannot change you. If you realize there is room for improvement in you, that desire for change must come from within. Until you are fully desiring to improve on that, you won't. I know what I am talking about. Once upon a time I had something I needed to change. I was extremely shy and afraid of people. Eventually I got to the point of being so tired of being that way and wanting to be confident and outgoing like my dad that I decided I would change. then no matter how big the struggle was during the change period, I stuck with it. Good communication is important in a relationship. Its not just talking at your partner about your events of the day or talking about current events in the world that catch your attention, anyone can do that. It's the sharing of ones hopes and dreams. Each partner being willing to uphold and encourage their partners dreams, also building them up, not just generic compliments but taking notice of fine details in her character or what she's done and complimenting her and supporting what she does. She may be more like me, tending to ramble in conversation but able to get more to the point in writing. If she has a need to be heard, and has something to say, she might want to consider keeping a journal, writing you occasional letters as an experiment if she can be more to the point for you, or use writing as an outlet. Perhaps she will publish a book someday.
She might still care enough about you that she wishes it would work out but knowing she has no power to change you, figures that it will never work out. I think you might be the determining factor in that case as to whether it does or doesn't.
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She broke up with you because she doesn't want to be with you.
In 99.9% of cases, when someone says implies that "maybe, at some undefined time in the future, we can be together again" they are only saying that to be polite and soften the blow. They want out, and they will say whatever it takes to end the relationship without the other person flipping out.
The idea that it takes a dreamer and a realist to make for a good relationship is a nice one, but it doesn't mean that you are the realist for her, or that she is the dreamer for you.
Respect what she has told you. She has told you it's over.
Is there a possibility of getting back together? Sure. There is also a possibility that aliens are visiting us right now and looking for that extra special human being to make first contact with. But the chance is so small, it's really not reasonable or healthy to live your life hoping for that.
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I understand that ,because I have dealt with that in my relationship, even tho my relationship still needs work we are working at getting better and it has. Ill give you the advice I gave my boyfriend. First there's nothing wrong with having an opinion. But also remember you are in a relationship. You have to think about her feelings aswell as your own. Listen ,listen to her. Relationships can be confusing but im sure everything she does is the key to understanding her. Also it is in the way you say things that can be hurtful,aswell as what's being said. Because sometimes paying attention to one thing she says could make her whole day. Her always seeing the brighter side is her way of supporting you and trying to motivate you to better days. I read you mention she suffers depression so her cheerful ness that she always shows may not just be to keep you from rainy days,but from herself aswell. I hope this helped in some kinda of way.also remember to not be impulsive, but take your time and speak with your heart. I hoped everything works out
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