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suicide: 40 years of chronic pain, and I just don't know what to do. Can anyone help me at all?
I'm 40 years old. My whole life has been about surgeries, Drs, in office procedures, medications.I live with chronic pain. I live with a rare disease that has left my face disfigured. Badly. I've been abed by men severely and almost died. I have been on so many different antidepressants, seen many therapists, talked til I ccouldnt stand to hear myself anymore.im a recluse now. I do not want people I. My life. Flat out, I'm tired. I do not ever remember in my 40 yrs when I was happy. Yes there were small moments but no more than maybe a day. I have no more strength to keep fighting. Is there something I've failed to see?I want to be happy and I've tried. What gods did I anger in a past life that I'm making up for in this life. What does one do when they have no more fight left in them? Right now, I have no joy, never had it, have no desire to have it. All I want is to rest. I'm exhausted from the pain. No more. No less. I'm not even sure why I wrote this.
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Thank you. I'm still trying.
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I too live with chronic pain. There are days, especially in the beginning when I saw no reason to go on. Then just as my doctor has always told me new treatments or something else will come along to lessen the pain.
My pain stems from a traffic accident I was involved in. I think it would be more tolerable if I was in someway responsible for the accident but I wasn't. In the 3 car wreck I was the only innocent victim. The only one that had to be removed from the car and the scene by the fire department.
Suicide is not an answer. It leaves behind many who are hurt by what you have done. It also leaves behind any chance you have that tomorrow the doctors will find a better treatment. That the plastic surgeon will find a way to fix the disfigurement. Don't say no for just 2 years ago face transplants did not happen and today they do.
I will tell you why you wrote. You wanted someone to tell you why you should not commit suicide. First it is because you really don't want to. Second because there are people, family that love you and will miss you. Third because there may be a discovery just around the corner. It did for me.
A new physical therapist my family doctor asked me to try found a muscle deep in my chest that attaches to the pelvis, where my pain is was tight. He could not release it though his techniques. I spoke to my pain doctor who said he could. We went in the OR and I had a pain score, daily of 3 to 4. When we came out of the OR my pain score runs about 0 to 1. This is why you keep fighting because you never know what is just around the corner.
What causes my pain will never be fixed. I will make annual trips to the OR so they can inject pain medication directly to the site of my pain and to burn the nerves out that transmit the pain. This will be my life for the rest of my life. All because some young kid blew a traffic light.
If I can do it so can you.
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Suicide is not the answer. You are a special person that God created and loves and you are needed rather you can see that right now or not. I have no idea what you are dealing with as I don't know the nature of the disease you suffer from but there must be an answer out there to get your pain under control. I think that is one of the first things that physically must be addressed. No one feels like dealing with the world when they are in pain. Secondly you need to reach out to others, perhaps teens that are suffering in a similar manner. You may be able to help them so they do not become depressed. You have a story to share and many people need to hear it. I think the more you get involved with others the better you will feel about yourself. In doing so you may meet life long friends. The saying is true, there is someone for everyone but if you isolate yourself you will miss that opportunity.
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