Member Since: September 28, 2013
Answers: 2
Last Update: November 21, 2014
Visitors: 408
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So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years this month. I can honestly say he is the one I want to spend my life with and we've discussed plans to get married within the next couple of years. He's funny, charming, and as cliche as this sounds, he's been my rock through some very hard times. I recently lost my father and he has been supportive in every way.
However, he is slightly narcissistic and it drives me crazy. I rarely voice my feelings when he does something small that upsets me, because I don't want to cause an argument if I can simply get over it. So when I do confront him, it's because I am very upset. But even when I calmly tell him why he has upset me, he tells me that I'm overreacting. He never thinks that he does anything wrong.
For example, we have a long distance relationship. He said that he'd be leaving Monday to come stay with me for a couple days. Monday came and I was so excited. I called him to see what time he'd be leaving and he said "I'm not coming until tomorrow. My boss really needed me to take an extra shift so I couldn't say no." I asked him when his boss asked him to do that, and it had been several days before and he just didn't tell me. When I told him that I was upset, he got angry and told me that I was being inconsiderate and that he has a responsibility to show up for his job. I totally understand that and had no problem with him picking up a shift for his boss; I was upset about him not telling me that during one of our many conversations about our plans for Monday. He told me that I was overreacting and that just because I was going through a hard time doesn't mean I can treat him like crap. I told him that it's unfair to turn every fight around on me. If I'm upset with him, he never apologizes. My being angry is a result of something else like "being on my period" or "going through a tough time." HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING WRONG.
And it's not just when we fight. He thinks that all of his interests are exciting and mine are not. While I listen to him talk about football for hours on end and I do actively listen and respond, when I talk about something I like, he immediately says things like "why do you like that? that's so boring"
We go to the mall and he complains the WHOLE time, even though we never spend more than 2 hours there and he has stores that he likes to go in. In fact, we go in the stores he likes, and he shows me every little thing that catches his eye, and if we spend more than 5 minutes in a women's store, he starts complaining or talking about how ugly everything is.
He said he hates the mall because walking around for that long hurts his back. (I suppose he wants me to feel bad) but when he wants to golf, we'll spend anywhere from 2-5 hours on the course and his back is FINE.
I don't know if he acts this way because he's an only child and his parents worship the ground he walks on, but I'm about to go crazy. Normally I wouldn't stand for this kind of behavior, but otherwise he's an amazing boyfriend, and really does do so much for me. He's not selfish by any means, he takes me out on dates all the time, and really does treat me like a queen... but he's also very into himself. That's why I don't know how to bring this up to him. He'll get mad and think I'm being ridiculous, even if I point out the facts and all the times he's been rude to me.
How do you tell a narcissist that they're doing something wrong? (link)
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The answer to 'How do you tell a narcissist that they are wrong', is you don't. They won't listen. The harder you try to tell them they are wrong, the more you are feeding their ego. They look at you trying to explain the facts and their brain thinks that you are an idiot. Plain and simple, if you can, run as far away as you can from him and cut off all tied. I too, dated a man who was just like this. It only gets worse. Almost everything you do will end up feeding his problem and it weighs on you. You give up on even the big stuff after a while because it wears you down to the point you've got no more fight left. Then depression sets in. You end up feeling like you're nobody because it all revolves around him. Then, who will you be? Get out now, while you still have strength left to do so. I didn't even know how bad I'd lost 'me', until months after I got out! I'm still learning how bad it was! No matter what you decide to do, know that you are worth more than he will make you feel! Eventually, you'll be a dumb rock in his eyes, but know hat you're a diamond!
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I'm 40 years old. My whole life has been about surgeries, Drs, in office procedures, medications.I live with chronic pain. I live with a rare disease that has left my face disfigured. Badly. I've been abed by men severely and almost died. I have been on so many different antidepressants, seen many therapists, talked til I ccouldnt stand to hear myself anymore.im a recluse now. I do not want people I. My life. Flat out, I'm tired. I do not ever remember in my 40 yrs when I was happy. Yes there were small moments but no more than maybe a day. I have no more strength to keep fighting. Is there something I've failed to see?I want to be happy and I've tried. What gods did I anger in a past life that I'm making up for in this life. What does one do when they have no more fight left in them? Right now, I have no joy, never had it, have no desire to have it. All I want is to rest. I'm exhausted from the pain. No more. No less. I'm not even sure why I wrote this. (link)
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Thank you. I'm still trying.
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