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Caring for an elderly parent.
I am taking care of my 86yo. father and he smokes a pack a day of cigarettes. I hate the smell and I don't want them around my 12 yo. daughter (his grandaughter), but he suffers from dimensia and he forgets to not light up in the house and I am afraid of a possible fire risk. He can't drive anymore and I have contemplated just not buying him anymore smokes. But I feel it would be torture for him yet ultimately good for all of us. Should I force him to stop smoking even though he has enjoyed this privaldge all of his life?
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Ok so I am in the same situation as you just every one is younger. I think im allergic to the cigg. smoke it makes me sick and a headache. but anyways. call a doctor. it cost a little bit of m oney but there is this new pill out that can get you to wuit smoking and i think it would really help you father. I am trying to convince my father. you smoke only the first week of taking it and with in the first week people quit smoking the ciggs. have no taste or do anything for them. i think it would be worth a shot.
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It's a tough one.
It's the safety concern that hits home with me the most - if you are genuinely afraid your father's smoking presents a risk of fire, then his smoking needs to be monitored and restricted. Period.
Not buying him anymore smokes would be, I think, unfairly cruel. Smoking wasn't just a privilege for him - for most of his life he would have seen it as his right to smoke. With closer monitoring of his smoking habits, the second hand smoke risk could be minimized for your daughter, and it’s not as though he is really putting himself at much additional risk after a life time of smoking.
I agree with familyfirst that it’s fair and rational for you father to be limited to smoking when there is a supervising adult around. Of course, this means more work for you, and any other adult in your house, plus the tough emotional work of explaining to your father that he can no longer have a cigarette whenever he would like. Taking them away entirely might seem easier; unfortunately, the harder path is the most ethical one.
You might talk to your father’s doctor for guidance on how to explain the new situation to your dad, and if there is anything you can offer him to ease to discomfort of less smoking. If you have any care staff (Meals on Wheels coming in, or things like that) they might be kind enough to jump on board, and stay the extra 5 mins with your dad so that he could have a cigarette.
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Tough situation! On one hand he has been doing this all his life. He understands it will kill him but he's 86. Something's going to kill him, why not let him die doing something he enjoys. (I hear that a lot).
But on the other hand you have every reason in the world to say enough is enough. You have a daughter that is at serious health risk, he has dementia which clearly means fire risk...
If he is just a little forgetful then this does not apply... but if has true dementia, has been diagnosed, and shows real symptoms then I might suggest something:
It sounds like you are the enabler. It was suggested that without you he wouldn't have any. So, you keep them. Don't let him have free access to them. Then when you are with him you can allow him to sit on the patio and have a single cigarette away from your daughter, outside, and you don't go anywhere until he's done (or keep a slight distance to be away from smoke but able to observe for danger). He may be forced to cut WAY back and may not be happy about this but he is still getting to smoke without exposing your daughter and catching himself or the home on fire. He may only get 3 or 4 a day rather than a full pack but he still gets some.
This is what nursing homes do in Ohio where we are now smoke free. Ohio is a smoke free state where you are not permitted to smoke in any public business. If there is a resident who smokes but is unable to get out to the designated smoking area on their own, they simply have to wait until the staff can get them outside. They are not being told they cannot smoke. They aren't being permitted to smoke when ever and where ever either... but they do get their chance.
Dad is likely going to be cranky. Be supportive and caring and compassionate to his situation. He's old. He can no longer do things on his own, his life has changed and will never be what it used to be. But try to let a lot of what he says roll off as noise. Don't take offense to everything. When he isnt getting all the cigarettes he is used to he will get extra cranky. I just don't want you to get discouraged and upset because you are being responsible and doing what really needs to be done.
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