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My husband has cancer and I feel scared
My husband has pretty risky cancer. The doctor has told me that it's likely he won't make it to see his next birthday. This frightens me and I'm unable to cope with that news. I have been crying day and night over this. I feel like I'm trapped all alone in this mess. I don't want him to die. How can I make this better and just stop being so...miserable? I keep telling myself, "He's not dead yet!" but it feels so hopeless.
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I'm so sorry to hear of your situation.
First, have you gotten a second, or even a third opinion? Survival rates vary from hospital to hospital and from doctor to doctor. Educate yourself on the internet, focus on hospital and medical school sites, and do not settle for what your first doctor tells you. If you haven't already, be sure he is seen by at least one oncologist who specializes in this type of cancer.
Do you need help researching this?
Second, if you can help him to have one good day, one great laugh, some joy in his life, it certainly is not "hopeless". Every hour is precious, how many good ones can you help him have?
Third, you need some support and some place you can vent to people who understand.
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The first thing I want to say is don't let the doctors scare you into believing your husband is going to die. If your husbands body is strong enough and he gets his treatments or surgeries or whatever is prescribed, he may have a chance of fighting this!
Now that I have that laid out on the table- You don't need advicenators. You need a support group. You need to be in a group of people who are where you are emotionally and dealing with the possibility of losing a spouse or someone else just as close.
Grief is not something that anyone can tell you how to deal with. You have to go through the five stages of grief on your own time and in your own way. You may want to surround yourself with friends and family or separate yourself and be alone for a while. There is no wrong way to feel what you are feeling.
You and your husband will go through these stages; Denial, anger, resignation, bargaining, and depression but may not be on the same stage at the same time and you may return to the same stage many times. You need a support group to be there for you and talk you through this regardless of your stage. The AMerican Cancer Society may also be able to help you find the support you need. They will have connections in any area and can point you in the right direction:
www.cancer.org
Hospitals usually offer some sort of grief counseling or support and certainly if you go into a church (a good church) there will be someone there to sit and talk with you. I dont know about all churches but I know if you walked through the door of mine, ANYONE would drop what they were doing and sit with you as long as you needed to talk.
My heart aches for you and I have never even met you. I wish I could offer you some brilliant piece of advice to either resolve your stress and sadness or tell you I know a place your husband could go to have his cancer cured. The truth is I cannot. This is a very difficult situation to be forced into.
All I can offer is feel free to write me any time if you just want to talk or have a question. If you would like to contact someone at my church and gain a penpal (or even me) all you have to do is ask. Talk to your friends and family. It's great to have a shoulder to cry on... even if everything turns out ok with your husband.
I wish you the best of luck and will be praying for your family.
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