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How do I get my brother and cousin to listen to someone..plz read?
I dont know what to do, my brother doesnt listen to me or my mom. He says that hes not doing anything, but my family knows he is. He brings drugs in and out of the house at night. MY nephew found a bag of weed in the kitchen one day, my brother also lets my cousin come into his room and count drug money. My brother hangs out with this big gang of bad people. They have guns, do drugs and sell them, one of his friends even raped a girl. Im scared that my brother might get killed one day because he hangs out with them and drives around with them. My brothers three friends got killed in a car, the car was shot up. The same person that killed these 3 people, The guy hasnt been caught. but people are saying they know he killed those people. shot my other cousin in the foot, while he was actually trying to kill my cousin. My other cousin just got out of a jail and when he first got out he acted good, now hes back in thesame neighborhood, hanging with the same people that got him locked up, he was hiding a couple of days ago from the guy that shot him in the foot a year ago ( the same guy that killed those 3 people). My cousin lives with my grandma, hes 18 and he just wants to live a bad life. Im scared he might get killed by that guy, or someone will shoot my brother when hes with his friends. My brother wont listen to my mom, hes 21 yrs old and has no job and hes dealing drugs, my cousin is doing the same thing my brother is. I even heard my cousin and his friends beat up someone so bad that the guy he beat up is on life support and the police are looking for them. They think because they are grown no one can tell them what to do, but they still live at home. MY grandma is scared someone will come to our house one day and shoot up our house because of our brother. The police our calling my house the heroine house and they said they are watching our house.Im scared one day they will raid our house and my mom gets into trouble for what my borther is doing. My mom does not do drugs. MY cousin sells and they wont listen. They might get killed or get us into trouble, but my mom doesnt wanna kick him out. She keeps telling my brother she wants him to leave, but he wont. He even got into a fight with my dad and my dad told him to get out, but he said he wasnt going anywhere. How do I get them to listen to me, my grandma or my mom?
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I cannot remember seeing a more serious post then this one in the time I have been an advisor on this site.
familyfirst has some good ideas and if your brother and cousin were younger and not so imbedded in the druggie life style I would support giving it a try. My feeling after reading your letter is that you, your mother and grandmother are in imminent danger; life threatening danger. The police, as you wrote, already refer to your home as the heroin house. Your brother has already been involved in what can be termed as attempted murder with the person who is now on life support. Your cousins and brother could be charged with what is called accessories to murder for their knowledge of the other crime you wrote of, as well as the rape.
The police are most likely waiting until they have enough evidence or feel they cannot gain anymore evidence by allowing your brother and or your cousins to remain at large. When this happens they will most likely raid your homes so as to gather the last of the needed evidence. During these raids innocence as well as the perpetrators have been shot and killed. Is this what you want?
My suggestion is: Go to the police, invite them into your homes. Tell them you want the drugs and guns out of your homes as well as your brother and cousins. Yes, you will be sending them to prison but their chances of survival are far greater in prison than out on the street. You also will retain you homes and your lives. You also gain the opportunity to help you brother and cousins to rehabilitate them while in prison and become law abiding citizens when they get out of prison.
The choice you have to make is one of your survival first over the survival of you brother and cousins. It is not an easy choice; I wish I could say it is the best choice. In this case I see it as the only choice. They have chosen the life they wish to lead; you need not be dragged down by them.
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This is one of the most serious posts I have seen here on advicenators.
How do you get them to listen to you or mom? You dont. Their drug use does not allow them to think like normal human beings and therefore you are not able to do anything yourself.
There are a few steps you MUST take or you will NEVER rid yourself of this problem or be able to save your brother.
#1. Your mother needs to become super mother. She has been ignoring... allowing this to go on. She is an enabler. If she allows this to continue in her home she is telling your brother she doesnt mind what he is doing. You can start by visiting a website. It is a federal program designed to help families save their addicted loved ones. It is a "partnership for a drug free america" and the website is:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
One of the first things you will see at this website is a link to "time to talk" which will take you to timetotalk.org. This is a great place to start.
Your situation has already escalated to the point of guns, murder, rape, etc. You do not have time to waste.
You should not be afraid to go to the police. Your brother is no longer your brother. The drug is talking FOR him. It does not matter what comes out of his mouth- it is all lies, hallucinations, etc. and should not be listened to.
He needs a smack in the face like being forced into rehab or else mom WILL turn him in and if he does not like this he will not only be turned in but thrown out of the house. If he chooses not to get help his friends should be turned in, lists of people and places should be given to authorities, his room should be raided, computer confiscated, locks on the house changed. He should have one option: Getting sober. If he does not choose this option then he is no longer allowed to be "a part of the family" or to reside in the home.
You and your family cannot and SHOULD NOT do this on your own. This has become much too dangerous a situation. If approached by you or mom or dad, your brother could begin to feel threatened and because he is under the influence, you do not know him or what he could do. He has a... "demon" inside him that needs to be "exercised" so to speak.
If/when your family decides to pursue this- it needs to be done without anger. Everything that comes out of your mouths needs to be said with love. You need to swallow all of your aggravation with him and let him know you are doing this because you love him, not to hurt him. You want your brother back.
I do not know all of the laws surrounding this situation but I could see the possibility of your parents getting into some sort of trouble if there has to be a raid. However, IF your parents go to the police letting them know there is a problem and they need help, the police should have information on services to help you and they will know up front that your parents want the help rather than being personally involved with the drug dealing.
This is NOT going to be easy. This is why it is essential that you get professional help from a rehab facility, intervention specialist (you can google "intervention specialist" for more information). There is also a reality show on A&E called "Intervention". The link is below. I mention this for a couple of reasons. The first is if you have no experience with this type of thing you could watch the show to see what they do and get an idea of how it works. The second is that their interventionists are terriffic and should you be intreseted in going this route- you could apply to use one of their interventionists. The downside could be that you may end up on the show and this may not be something you want.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Go to the police. Speak with a rehab. This is going to cost money but they have services to help families is there is a financial hardship. Speak to an intervention specialist. This is your brother's life, your life, mom's, dad's, and grandma's life. You all deserve to have your brother "normal" again but you can NOT do this on your own. It is bigger than your whole family put together.
FInally there is another government website you can visit for help as well as the drug free america website mentioned earlier:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
This is going to be the hardest thing you ever do and a major fight to save your brother's life. But in a few months/years if you can "get him back" it will all be worth it. Swallow your fear. Swallow your anger. Get Mom and Dad to save the lives of your entire family. That gang that your brother is involved in could turn on your brother. This has to stop HERE and NOW.
I wish you the absolute BEST of luck.
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