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Is it.. over for good?
I was with this guy for almost three months. Things seemed to be going perfectly as far as I knew. There are a few years between us, but we established from the start that that didn't bother either of us. We'd already said 'I love you's but I hadn't force him into it, by any means. Every time he wanted me to come over, I did. (He worked a lot and I wanted to make sure he still had guy time without me, so we saw each other like, an afternoon during the week, and I came over late on Friday and spent the night and left in the afternoon on Saturday. )
We never argued or fought. His friends all like me and think I'm good for him as far as I know because I calm him down. His friends girlfriends all like me, too. (He likes to rant. Haha) and its as important that everyone likes me because they're always together. We aren't exactly alike, but I feel like we compliment each other. We keep each other in check.
So here's the thing: last week he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him, just the two of us to be special cause we're always with his friends. We made plans, but some how we both ended up kind of sick, so we just grabbed some food and went back to his apartment and watched a movie. That night went really well, and even though nothing amazing happened, he said he was really happy that I was there to kind of baby him when he was sick. On Saturday, we kind of had a general conversation about the future. We were on the same page about not like, getting engaged or anything anytime soon because we're both young and don't want and couldn't afford anything big or major anytime soon, so that was fine. That was Saturday afternoon.
On Monday he seems all freaked out about something, but tells me he'd rather talk to me about it in person, so we do on Tuesday.
On Tuesday he tells me he's really unsure about his future (he graduated from college and he's working at a dead end job applying everywhere possible for a job that is actually in his field) and doesn't know if he wants me in it or not. He said that right now he just can't seem to manage his time very well. He said that he doesnt know if we'd be compatible enough to last. (Although I'm not sure why. )
He and his friends play a lot of video games and card games (magic) and he said that even though I say I don't mind, he doesn't just want me to sit and watch and tolerate (which I don't. I told him I like it.). He also said he felt like he HAD to choose between me and his friends, (which I don't know why. I have no problems with his friends.) And that sometimes he just wants to get wasted with them, then just watch a movie or someething with me. (Which I don't mind boys nights.) He and his friends drink a lot, and although I don't see anything wrong with that, I don't drink much so I don't feel comfortable getting drunk around some of his friends that I don't know very well yet.
So what I'm asking is... do you think he'll come back? I really, really want him to and he fits in with my friends as well as I do with his, so I don't know what happened. It just doesn't make sense that on Saturday I woke up to forehead kisses and an 'I love yoooou!' And on Tuesday we broke up.
Plz help? :/
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He probably isn't coming back. Sure, people can be unpredictable, but often they do what they say they are going to do. He has said he going to go off and find himself and that he doesn't feel you have a place in that.
If you told him you didn't have a problem with the things he wanted, and he wanted to break up anyways, then he either didn't believe you, or he made excuses rather then telling you the true reasons he became uninterested in you. He might just one of those generally confused men who never can bring themselves to believe that some women actually aren't trying to trap them or he might have been trying to spare your feelings (or excuse his own misleading behaviour) by giving false reasons...
Either way, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't believe you when you speak, or someone who doesn't have the nerve to express to you the true problems he has with your relationship.
I know it hurts, especially it being so recent, and even more so since it's likely the reasons he gave you didn't feel genuine to you, but he is probably not coming back, and you should count yourself lucky that he went off to be confused and flakey someplace else.
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I cannot give you a straight answer to your question, because people are unpredictable. However, I can tell you what happened to me, and it might make you feel better...
I also dated a guy where there was a significant age difference. We weren't exactly compatible either. My guy is a fighter and I'm a calm, happy, pacifist. However, we had our love for the same music and dancing in common, and we somehow got together. All was great for two months or so. Hes also graduated college and trying to go to graduate school. He needs to finish some classes however before he can get in. Mind you, this all happened last year around spring. We got together in late February 2009. Around May, he started acting weird. He has issues with past relationships and i knew this, so I left him alone about his odd behaviors. We both had agreed that marriage was in the elongated future, and I respected his need for his friends, but in May things just started to seem...off. He still insisted he loved me though. And that I treated him the best out of all his past girlfriends.
However, around end of May we started arguing because I felt his distance from me and finally spoke up about it. We ended up breaking up in early June because he told me that he didn't see us working out, that I wanted to go out and do stuff and he was more laid back and all this other stuff...it seemed like excuses to me. I did love him, but i managed to get over it fairly quickly.
What bothered me though was that I still hung out with some of his friends that were also my friends, and he avoided me like the plague. He would NOT talk to me. It was immature because we decided to stay friends. I talked to his best friend about it quite often (he would ask me to lunch now and then) and told him how immature and annoying i thought it was that he was acting so weird, leaving every time I showed up or not talking to me. His best friend always gave me things to think about but one time he said "Maybe its because he still has feelings for you". I didn't think so.
Anyway, July, August, September, October, November, even December passed just the same. I stayed single and I was enjoying it I guess. I would think about him now and then, nothing big though. Then on New Years Eve, I had a house party. His best friend (who was invited) came early and gave me a CD. He said it was from him and that he wanted me to listen to it. I was shocked. I thought what could he possibly want? It turned out that he recorded himself talking to his best friend and to me technically about what had happened. He said that he had lost his job in June, that he was failing his classes needed to graduate, that he was worried about his future, and that he didn't want to bring me down or inconvenience me with any of it. He said that he still loves me, that he thought about me the whole 6 months we were apart. Said that once he got his life back on track there seemed to be something missing and that was me... I couldn't believe it!
Although reluctant to, I gave him another chance. Said we could get to know each other again. And he never ceased to amaze me. He explained every reason why he broke up with me in June, but that he meant it when he said he loved me. And that didn't go away. Moral of the story? Sometimes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. He might be confused, worried, and not realizing the person he has in front of him because you are always there. Once you are gone, and he stops worrying, he will probably miss you and want you back.
Like I said, everyone is different. I'm still with my guy, but we are starting to have the same problems as before...My lesson was that you cant change people, you just have to accept them.
To answer your question, he might come back. Especially if you were good to him, he doesn't meet anyone else that is as good as you were, and he gets his life back on track. I cannot make any promises though... I hope I helped a little! GOOD LUCK!!!!
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I think that he's just overwhelmed with all that's going on. Perhaps he just panicked about his life and doesn't know what to do.
I also think that he just needs time to think. Meanwhile, maybe you can let him know you're there for him.
I'm sure he'll come back if he feels comfortable again. He probably broke up with you because he thinks that way you don't have to worry about him or he doesn't want to ignore you while he's busy. Don't take it too hard and give him time. He's just stressed.
I hope that helped :)
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