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November 7, 2006Answers:
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heyy thesammysammys,
hi. i'm a guy and i'm eighteen. okay, let's being w/some background information...
there's this girl i met thru my friend. she found me on myspace and added me. then like as soon as i accepted she left me a comment. so we started talking thru there and i asked for her s/n. we chatted on there for a long time [two hours or so] and she asked me for my number. about two days later she calls me and we have a two hour phone conversation. nothing in particular, just talking. before i was about to hang up, she asked me to call her early in the morning to wake her up, so i did. [she's been asking me for these wake up calls since then, btw.]
the next day, my friend messages me saying 'are you trying to get w/_____ b/c you know that i like her, riiight?!' i don't really know my feelings toward her, she's cute and has a great personality, so i guess some feelings are there. i'm just not really sure what i should do about this, he's my friend but i have a strong feeling that this girl has feeling towards me. what should i do? i don't want to lose a friend, but i don't want to break a girl's heart. thesammysammys, i need your advice!
- somewhat confused in california.
A: Dear Confused in California,
BROS BEFORE HOES!
i think, you don't really have a problem here because it doesn't sound like you actually have romantic feelings towards this girl. so there is no reason for you to even worry, your friend can like the girl, and the girl can like you.. but you don't like her.. so you aren't betraying your friend and you can't force yourself to like this girl just because she likes you. i think, you should just continue to be friends with both of them but if your guy friend isn't cool with that.. then you should drop the girl.
I have a friend I dearly miss. She moved away to college about 2 years ago. When she was here we would always have fun and everything. I miss her dearly but I have no time to visit her because of school and work. I think she is starting to hate me or grow away from me because she thinks I don't care about her but I really do miss and care about her. What should I do or how can I show her that she's still my great friend?
A: you should send her pretty flowers with a singing telegram.
or you can just tell her that she's still your great friend and that you will do your best to come visit her soon.
so wats the deal with cuddling. are you allowed to cuddle with anyone or is there cuddling etiquette? is it okay to cuddle with your guy friends when your a guy? cuz im a guy and i was cuddling with VINH NGUYEN DIZZLE!!!! how do you know when the person your cuddleing with doesnt want to cuddle? so wat is cuddling, where do you touch them, how are your body positions, comfortable positions,wat not to dos when cuddling, yada yada.
A: Cuddling is showing your affection by touching: hugging someone tenderly, snuggling, caressing and embracing. It can be a prelude to sex, but not necessarily.
gay people cuddle all the time, they are just as affectionate as straight people.
usually you can tell when a person doesn't want to cuddle if they look like they are uncomfortable or if they aren't "cuddling" you back. i mean, if the cuddling is not reciprocal then.. obviously.
they are many different ways to cuddle, put your arm around the other person, side by side, one on top, back to front, and the most common one, spooning. most people like to spoon because it's pretty comfortable.. its almost like having sex but with clothes on and no actual movement.
you don't want to fall asleep before the girl when you cuddle.. but everything else is a-okay.
So I really REALLY like this girl, and she says she likes me, "like ALOT" and we used to love eachother but things went bad. And I think we're falling in love again, but I dont know if shes just playing games with my heart. And I know God must have spent a little more time on her, but sometimes, she makes me ill and I wanna say bye bye bye and that the game is over. But at the same time, its tearin up my heart and everytime I think about her, I drive myself crazy. I wanna say I want you back because without her. I'm incomplete. I know I'd never break her heart, but she's the one who has showed me the meaning of being lonely. WHAT SHOULD I DO? She's my everything...
A:it sounds pretty obvious what you should do..
go sign a recording contract baby!
..and ask her out i guess.
so heres the story...i kept ditching my best friend for my boyfriend. after like 10 times my friend stopped talking to me. i dont blame her for it. she was always there for me and i messed it up. shes like a sister to me and now she wont talk to me. please can you help me.
sincerely, friendless
A: Dear Friendless,
this is a sad story. :(
i've actually seen this happen before and let me tell you it ain't pretty.
first off, don't blame yourself for the failure of the friendship. most friendships involve more than one party and takes more than one person to ruin. given, you probably shouldn't have left your best friend for a boy but she could've done more as well.
you and her should talk it out. these things usually happen because of small things like miscommunication or misunderstandings. if you guys are/were really best friends then this should not be too hard.
she is probably hurt that you left her for a boy but it sounds like you're more hurt that she left you. try to talk it out with her and if she's still stubborn about it then maybe she wasn't all that great of a friend to begin with. if your 9 year relationship meant that much to her she would try to make an effort to fix it too.
i know that this is a hard time for you, losing your best friend is like losing the front-left tire of your car in the middle of an abandoned road; you feel stuck, helpless, and alone.
hope things get better,
Thesammysammys
so i watch greys anatomy every week right and i think i may be in love. i dont know if im in love with grey or the way she acts or the tv show itself because its SOOO GOOOD. is this normal to fall in love with a tv show, i once fell in love with misty from POKEMON. am i mentally retarded or is this normal? should i see doctor phil?
A: maybe you're in love with the TV show because you're also in love with Grey. it is really not all that normal to fall in love with a tv show. it is most defintely not normal to fall in love with an animated character who wears the exact same outfit in every episode.
to be honest you might be mentally retarded and should seek professional help. maybe you should meet up with my friend down there who gets off by reading books.
this isn't a serious disorder or anything. you'll survive but will probably be shunned by society. you should probably stop going outside.
There's this girl friend of mine who told me to keep her away from a relationship because she tends to jump into relationships after a breakup. The grace period is 3 months but she is already messing it up and it hasnt even been half a month. I want to stay true to the promise or "committment" i made but i also understand things happen. What should i do?
A: you should ask her how she feels about the current situation and whether she still feels the same way she did about her request. if this is not the approach that you want to take then..
option A.
you should be a good friend and execute the original game plan. a promise is a promise.
option B.
do what you think will be best for her. if you don't think this guy is treatin' her right. if he is a brokeass fool that isn't giving her the attention and care she needs then tell her to kick him to the curb.
option C.
let her do what she wants. it is her life and only she can be responsible for her own actions. you did the best you could and she just wasn't cooperating. don't make her problems your own.
sincerely,
thesammysammys
i just got out of a relationship and everyguy i see is either fugly or just super boring to me. why is this. are they really that fugly and boring, or am i a lesbian? lets hope not. where do i find some interesting and ridiculousy gorgeos males?
A: the sad truth is most guys ARE really fugly and boring. let's face it the good-lookin'-caring-fascinatin' men are a dying race. my advice to you is to grab the first piece of meat you see and hope that he'll "grow" on you. my second suggestion to you is to take a visit to cabrillo springs and seek out the one they call PMW.
good luck with this one.
I find a lot of people boring. I'm very slow when it comes to picking up on if girls like me or not. I don't even know if girls would find me attractive. I guess that's beside the point. anyhow...
how would I know if a girl likes me or if she's being friendly?
A: it is difficult for me to answer this question with a definite answer because it would depend on the girl and her temperament. but usually, if a girl is interested in someone she will flirt with him and hang around him more often. there is the possiblity that she might do the complete opposite and be really mean to you, and make fun of you (this tactic usually throws the guy off and makes him think that she doesn't really like him but in reality she probably HELLA likes him). i know, females are a complicating species but that's what makes us so endearing.
my friend keeps trying to make me drink but i dont want to. what do i do?
A: simple.
don't drink.
dear sammmysammysammy(eh?),
i want to take my girlfriend out for a day out and do something super awesome for me. i haven't got the slightest clue because i'm really not too creative or good with these things. any advice?
thanks,
bovdeep
Guest Advicenator: The beach is always a something fun. You can make lunch for both of you and have a picnic. Don't cheat and buy food, make it yourself. Its more personal and you know what she likes. Suprise her with her favorite dish or buy her s omething she really likes such as her favorite candy or dessert. Then, while you're there, you can rent some ldand go up the boardwalk. You could also rent some surfboards. It all depends on if you and your gf are outgoing and down for whatever. Spice it up with your own flavor because if anything, you know what she likes more than anyone else. One thing a friend of mine did was take the whole picnic idea to Sunset Cliffs at the beach just before sun-down so there was enough time to eat, talk, and chill before the sun set. Then he got a copy of one of his favorite pictures of them, both wrote on the back of it, and threw out a message in a bottle before they left. They put a return address and all that cute stuff and he said that she really enjoyed that day. You really don't need to spend any money to sweep a girl off her feet. Hopefully this was helpful and if the beach and picnic thing wasn't your thing, then hopefully it sparked some ideas that you could use. Good luck!
Thesammysammys Answer: it would probably be the best idea to do something that she's been wanting to do or that she's never done before. step it up, don't do the regular picnic-at-the-beach deal because everyone's seen that in every chick flick and she has probably already gone through this usually disappointing experience. take her to the zoo, go paintballing, go to the gun range, take her to one of those "who done it" mystery dinners, go hiking, go-karting, anything, something that you usually wouldn't do for a change.
if you guys aren't really into doing those types of things than you can never go wrong with the traditional dinner and a movie either out on the town or just at home. like my friend had suggested above, make her favorite dish, throw in some champagne, and a couple of chocolate dipped strawberries and you're pretty much set for the night. it really doesn't need to be all decked out with candles and flowers or dimmed lights.. make it a fun night and make dinner a team effort.. or impress her with your cooking skills because it's really cute when a guy cooks for the girl and she will no doubt appreciate it.
in the end, it doesn't really matter what you decide to do because she probably just wants to spend time with you and will be happy just occupying the same space as you.
so after careful contemplation, i know what i gotta do with this girl i like. im just really nervous at the consequences but i guess i'll never know when unless i try. any pointers in how to spark a conversation about what people want out of relationships?
A: no need to beat around the bush just bring it up when you feel like it. don't make things more complicated than they need to be.
or just spring it on her when you guys are sharing a moment.
good luck,
thesammysammys
thanks for the advice...im planning to sweep her off her feet with some home cooked dinner during HEROES. do you think it will get me my opportunity to get a little closer? about the RS stuff, we talked about it and she said that she doesn't know if she's down for the RS, she even had her friends prevent her from getting into that RS business. but i dont know if she's trying to switch it up on me or something like that. she's kinda mysterious and tricky. is it possible for a girl to switch it up like that in a matter of months (maybe 2 months)?
A: it will give you the opportunity to get closer but the success rate will depend on how well you use this situation to your advantage.
it sounds like your friend might be a little indecisive or let's face it, maybe she just wants that booty.
try talking to her about again. like i said before, communication is key!
so i kinda like this girl (CSM)....wait, HELLA like this girl and she cooks me dinner and what not. we recently told each other that we liked each other and having hella fun. she doesnt know it but one night she was sleep talking and told me she HELLA LIKED ME. im trying to take it slow but i dont really know if she's cool with it. is it wrong to take it slow? i just feel like girls nowadays just want a guy's BOOTY but im after some real shit (RS). but so far so good. If i invite her to watch HEROES every week is that taking it too fast? i need some ASSISTANCE!
A: well first, congratulations on acheiving mutuality.
if you aren't sure how she feels about how things are going or how she would like for them to go then you should talk to her about it and see what she wants out of it. make sure that you both express how you feel and what you want out of the relationship. you never know, she might be looking for that RS too, but it is all too true that a lot of the ladies are just out there to get some booty. talking it out with her would clear up any confusion and if you guys have different intentions then this will give you the chance to avoid future disappointment. on the other hand, if you guys are both on the same page then this would only strengthen and give assurance to whatever you guys already have going on.
good communication is key in any relationship.
there is nothing wrong with taking it slow and setting time aside to actually get to know more about the person on a more intimate and emotional level.
sure, invite her over for HEROES but don't make her feel like you guys are just hanging out like normal friends do because then she'll just feel like another homegirl. in short, make sure she knows she's more than just a friend to watch television with and that you, as you would say, HELLA like her.
best of luck,
thesammysammys
ok i don't know how to explain this, but here goes nothin. i have this friend, you could say that we are the best of friends for life and she loves me mucho. this one time we drove up to the mountains to hang out and talk and it was cool because there were people doin it. anyway she fell asleep, and started mumbling weird things almost like she was dreaming and saying what was going on because that's the best explanation i have so far. out of nowhere she would say "superheroes", or something about "robots recharging in the forest." what do you think is going on, should i be worried about her?
A: it sounds like your friend here is suffering from a severe case of sleep-talking. the best thing to do is to not let her know that she is doing it, because (1) it would be really embarrassing for her and (2) if you don't tell her, she'll probably keep doing it and you can use this as your own personal source of entertainment.
but no, this is not something to worry about, she's just having some real intense dreams.
So i asked one of my coolio foolio friends to formals this year, but the only thing is i said that she could not get fat before formals or else i would totally ditch her ass. Is it wrong and shallow of me to ask this of her, cause i dont want to muffin topping girl as a formals date. Am i being shallow or just looking out for me??
A: no, it is defintely not wrong or shallow of you to ask this favor of her. in this sad and cruel world, the ultimate law is survival of the fittest, you must always look out for yourself or you lose. you die. fatality. game over.
i mean, how embarassing would it be if you brought this fatch to formals for all your brhos to see, it would be complete and total humiliation. so bad that they might even have to terminate you from the brotherhood.
in conclusion, make sure this female either hits the gym on a regular basis, or upchucks after every meal. if she doesn't agree, tell her that she is being selfish and doesn't understand that your reputation is on the line and that if she were really your friend she would do this for you.
always remember, yourself before others.
I have this friend who used to be my best friend, but is now just a B because she moved away. I know she misses me, but she hates to admit it. I don't want this B-ship to turn into a B-shit so the question is should she call more and talk to me more so she could become a more super awesome friend?
A: first, you should re-evaluate why she went from being your best friend to only a B. the best way to find out is to have a nice heart-to-heart talk to her the next chance you get to see her, which will probably be sometime during thanksgiving break. take her out to coffee, or dinner and a movie; a friendly going-out.
i would not doubt that she misses you dearly if you guys were, as you claim, best friends.
to avoid the B-ship from turning into a B-shit i think both parties should give in equal efforts and dedication to the relationship. don't ever let her feel like she's pulling more weight than you are in this struggle because distance is a hard thing to deal with and you guys should be fighting it together.
but always remember that the fortune cookie never lies.. "distance makes the heart grow fonder."
is it wierd to be turned on by what i read in books? they're just novels, no porn or anything. just like books... is it wierd that i get turned on from their descriptive contents?
A: yes, that is defintely not normal. please seek professional help.
does the guy alwayz have to ask the girl out or can it go either way?
A: i can attempt to be politically correct and say that in this day and age where women have fought for and succeeded in achieving the same rights and recognition as their male counterparts that it could go either way.
but let me be honest and drop you some real knowledge. if you're waiting for her to ask you then you are probably waiting for something that will more-than-likely not happen. let's face it, us ladies aren't ready to let down our womanly pride like that. be a man, ask her out.
and also, put into consideration how much of your manhood you would be sacrificing if you decided to be a pussy and wait for her to ask you out.
in short, the guy does NOT always have to ask the girl but he should.
I sort of like a guy right now but the only problem is he thinks i am a lesbian with one of my best friends because he always sees us holding hands. So I am not sure if he's just talking to me as a friend or he's turned on or what. What should I do?
A: i see your dilemma but i think that you can really use this situation to your advantage.
i mean, what normal-straight-female-lovin' guy would not enjoy that type of "friendly" girl-on-girl action? chances are he is probably turned on by all of this, and if this isn't the case then you may want to reconsider if you might be the one who should be worried about HIS sexual orientation, if you catch my drift.
in any case, if things don't work out with him then maybe you should try to spark the fire that seems to have already been started with your "best friend". you, my lucky friend can't lose either way; it's a win-win situation.
best of luck,
thesammysammys