Gender: Female
Location: America
Member Since: May 31, 2011
Answers: 5
Last Update: May 5, 2015
Visitors: 1968
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I'm a 16 y/o, homeschooled, Female from small town USA.
This will hold a lot of info, but I could use some advice.
Basically, I've never had an official 'boyfriend'. I had a guy I talked to and was somewhat 'with' in that regard, but it didn't last very long at all and didn't end the greatest either. Other than that(which was about 2 months or so ago), I had barely ever talked to a guy before (with the exception of my best friend Mia's boyfriends or some people from church that I barely know) never had a crush or anything. Let alone been romantically involved since I'm so shy and don't know many people.
Anyway, a little while after I stopped talking to the other guy, Mia, her boyfriend Dan and his bestfriend Chris(whom I'd met a few times over the last 6 months or so at the time), started to hang out a lot because Mia, Dan and I were on break from school(Chris is graduated). At first it was kinda awkward since the four of us would always squeeze into a 3 person truck and I'm so shy.
But after the second day of us all hanging out we were dropping Chris off and Mia and Dan asked me to give him a hug since he was upset earlier that day, I wouldn't at first but eventually I relented and got out of the truck, went up to him and gave him one.(since then I would/do hug him every time I see him.)
After that I slowly stopped being as shy and one night a few days later we went to see a movie and about halfway through he put his arm around me(after he texted Mia asking if he should because he was nervous, which I thought was adorable, since Mia takes the 'protective older sister' role in my life).
Then it was just plain friends having fun for a few days,(sometime in this he got my number and we would text all the time,and he told me he liked me and I told him I did too). Until around a week or so into this Mia and I got really drunk before seeing them. And while I don't remember much, I remember him having his arm around me and me holding his hand half asleep in Dans truck[which this is slightly unrelated but I also remember Mia having an extremely bad asthma attack and she didn't have a inhaler and Chris helped her and even gave her mouth-to-mouth until we got her one, which immediately made me respect him more]. Then we got to Dans house and after a while we ended up kissing. Nothing more than that though...(though I think it's pretty obvious I'm a virgin and don't plan on loosing it anytime soon) And after that we did one other time a day or so later and since then only maybe a peck on the lips here and there.
But we hung out a bit(never without Mia and Dan close by though, I'll explain why in a bit) and talked still after break was over, at least until I got grounded for two weeks(I got caught drinking, which yes I know I'm a dumbass). Then we stopped texting because my phone was taken away.
We'd snapchat at least a couple times a day though when I could, but I didn't get to see him until I wasn't grounded anymore. And I've notice, the last few weeks, we've been talking less and less, at least, compared to how we used to. We used to snapchat everyday, a lot of the time he'd message me first. But now we do maybe once every few days and I'm usually the only one initiating contact and even then it's just a "hey what's up?" "nothing much" "oh same" type of thing, or like 4 messages total. And haven't texted since I was grounded, which I don't mind not talking everyday, but since I'm so inexperienced with this stuff I keep thinking "what ifs" if you know what I mean. The few times I've seen him it's seemed normal, but it's usually brief and not too often(maybe once a week, if that). So I was hoping someone could help me with what I should do about that...should I keep trying to talk to him? Or just leave it and see if he talks to me? I don't want to bother him, or come off as annoying or anything but I also still want to talk to him...
I guess, I don't know and there are other issues about it though if I do still talk to him. Let's start with, he has gotten charged for sexual relations with a minor(which I don't know the full story but I know that it's more of a misunderstanding type thing, not rape or anything like that and Dan[whom I've known for years and know is a good guy, constantly says Chris is one of the best guys out there he just has had a shitty life]) So because of that I'm not allowed to be alone with him(let alone date him) So if I did, it'd have to be in secret. Which would be hard since my mom's been super suspicious of everything I do and hasn't let me leave as much since I got into trouble.
That along with a few other things(which aren't as serious) and the fact if him and I, or if Mia and Dan broke up it might cause a ton of drama. And with these issues I don't know if I should pursue a relationship with him(right now I don't know if it ever would get to that point) But I don't want to stop talking to him either. He is a really good guy and I do care for him, but I don't know what to do...any advice is greatly appreciated (link)
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Youre friend Chris sounds like hes got a lot on his mind and a lot on his plate right now and I dont think he is ready for a relationship or ready to devote a lot of time to you.
You can be a friend but I dont think you should invest in this person romantically. He doesnt know what he wants and probably doesnt want things to go any further because he may end up ending things and then youll be hurt.
At 16 and 18 new people are going to come into your lives frequently, and go just as frequent. You shouldnt get yourself stuck on this guy if he is not reciprocating what you want to put into it.
Relationships are 2 way streets and if you are not getting the response you are looking for then move on with your life. He is one little fish in a big ol' pond.
Dont rush after the first available guy just because you want a relationship, it will happen eventually. Anything you have to force isnt worth your time.
Speaking of time, find something more constructive to do other than drinking. Go out and have fun, go to the movies, play miniature golf, go bowling, or have a craft night with the girls. Think of better things to do. Drinking is overrated and will just get you into trouble.
You dont have to do what everyone else is doing, march to the beat of your own drum. Be 16 and do 16 year old things it only happens once.
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I have really bad anxiety. I self harm partly because of it. My mom is thinking about homeschooling me or doing half days. Do you think this is a good idea? (link)
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Your self harm, or the urge to self-sabotage or punish youself comes from your insecurity. You need to build up your self esteem and you have to know what to tell yourself.
You are way too much inside your own head im guessing, and you are constantly thinking things are going to go wrong or that you are not good enough. Well thats just not true.
Being surrounded by a sea of people everyday and wanting to fit in and wanting to other peoples approval or to just not come off awkward is a lot of pressure. But you know in life, and this will help get you through it, the only person whose approval you need is your own. (Or your parents and teachers for those young adults out there)
Stop questioning yourself if you are good enough and start telling it to yourself. I have just recently started going to youtube and listening to daily affirmation videos on self esteem and I repeat the mantras out loud. If you dont want anyone to hear it put on some headphones and say it in your head. You need to train your brain.
I tell anyone who has anxiety that when you get too overwhelmed you need to pause, breathe, and counter any negative thoughts with a positive one. If you are doing your work and cant focus, take a break walk away for a few and give yourself time to calm down and tell yourself you can do it.
Write down all the things you like about yourself and keep adding to the list and read it everyday. In fact, make a list of the alphabet and for each letter write something positive.
Taking you out of school is not going to solve the problem its just going to give you a hiding place or a comfort zone. You need to face the world with a head full of positivity and self reinforcement. Repeated thought processes work you just have to give yourself the right ones.
If it has to happen, I say take the half days and go back to full when you have trained your brain into being able to focus, knowing you can do anything and that you are individually great!
Remember, to take it easy one step at a time. Dont look at the end result, just start with baby steps. Nothing worth anything great is ever easy or fast. You have to put effort and time into something to see results. Reinforce yourself one day at a time and eventually you will be in a better place.
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I've been depressed and had a lot of anxiety. I can't sleep or pay attention. My parents try to get me to talk to them and tell them what's going on but I can't open up. How can I open up and tell them that I'm not okay? (link)
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Anxiety comes from being too overwhelmed. First, stop taking on everyone elses problems as your own thats theirs to deal with and you have your own priorities. Whatever it is that is bugging you or making you nervous, you have to understand that everything is a process. You cant have instant gratification, and you always need to start at step 1. Then take the next step, and so on and so forth. The next time you feel anxiety, pause, take some deep breaths, and say to yourself I am not going to get overwhelmed, everything will work itself out. Always tell yourself positive reinforcements. Repeated thought processes work you just have to give yourself the right ones. If you think "I cant" all the time you are already self defeating yourself. Next time you have a negative thought, counter it with a positive one. Make a list of all your strong points and reread it as much as you can and keep adding to it. You are great and you can do anything. If you cant focus on something, pause, breathe and tell yourself its ok and you can do this. Always be positive and take one step at a time. You cant go from A to Z without going thru all the other letters first and Rome wasnt built in a day. Give yourself positive daily affirmations everyday and you will see better results in yourself. When you are calmer and not so worked up you can tell your parents whats bugging you. They love you and want to help.
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16F.
Hey! Okay, my best friend has a cat who gave birth to kittens a month or two ago. She's looking for homes for them. I'm extremely interested, but I need to convince my dad.
-I only live with my dad.
-I already have two other fully grown cats and a hedgehog.
My two other cats are twins, brother and sister. They roam the house all day every day. My hedgehog is in a cage all day everyday, unless I take him out to play.
Now, I told my dad I could pay for any vet bills, (De-clawing, getting it fixed) I have $6,000 in the bank.
In the past we tried to bring a new kitten home once, but it didn't work out well at all because it was a nasty cat. And it mainly just got into fights with my dog, who is no longer with us.
My dad brought this up, and I countered with, "Yes, but that kitten was nasty, this one is around three cats every day. So it obviously gets along with other cats."
Now I just recently got my hedgehog, and when I introduced him to my cats they didn't care too much. They were curious for maybe thirty seconds and walked away. I'm aware he's a hedgehog and NOT a cat, but it shows, at least, that they're a chance they would act like that with any new animal.
Now that's all the details, here's my question;
What are some points I could make to my dad to convince him to let me get this new kitten?
It didn't take too much convincing to get my hedgehog, because he's such a tiny animal that's so easy to care for. And getting my two cats I already have was a surprise for me. So I'm not too educated when it comes to trying to convince parents to get an animal like a dog or cat.
Thank you so much! (link)
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You sound like a very responsible 16 year old. If I were you I would write up a contract that you would pay for 50% of the vet bills (Hopefully you have a job, if not get one before doing this)Vet bills can be very very expensive, so do yourself a favor and split it with him if he agrees. Also write in the contract that it will be your responsibility to get food or provisions for the cat as well. Also that you will ask for help from him only if it is beyond your control to do what you gotta do.
This is an even greater opportunity to learn more responsibility. Now go get that part-time job so the twins can have a new buddy!
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We are constantly getting into petty arguments, that escalate until he is angry and I am upset, sometimes to the point of tears. He blames me, saying I go on too much about things, and I blame him because I feel he doesn't listen or respond to anything I say, or he belittles me and my point of view. He says I belittle him too. I don't really know where to begin but to explain what happened today. We were going out to lunch with our 5-year-old daughter and as we were leaving, he suggested a fish and chips restauraunt called "Tugboat". At first, I agreed, but after we got in the car I said "I really don't feel like fish and chips. Can we go somewhere that has other choices?" I don't recall if he even responded. So I suggested three fast-food places that have fish and chips and other choices as well. He said "I don't want to eat fast food, " in this very hostile tone of voice like I was stupid for suggesting it. I went on to explain that there are heathly things he could get there too, like salad, and that the place he wanted to go was fast food and not healthy anyway. He did not acknowlege my valid point and continued to make negative remarks. He said that he didn't want to eat salad. I said ok then, but they have fish and chips, which is what you said you wanted." Then he got more angry and denied that he said he wanted that. I pointed out that the restaurant he wanted to go to only served that and little else. I explained again that I was just trying to be fair and pick a place we would all be happy with. He just told me to shut up and that he wanted to go home. I couldn't figure out what he was so upset about. Maybe I overexplained my point of view, but I was getting no response from him. At one point, he drove to one of the fast-food places I suggested and said in a very nasty tone "Here is the place you wanted to go. Are you happy now?" No, I wasn't, because I didn't like his attitude, and I said "If you don't want to eat here, just tell me where you'd like to go?" He refused to answer, so I angrily got out of the car and started to walk away, telling him he was being a jerk. I ended up getting back in the car and he told me I was a psycho. I said I wouldn't be acting like this if he didn't treat me like my ideas were stupid, and refuse to tell me where he wanted to go. We then went through the drive-thru of another restaurant, three times, and he kept getting out of the line because I was upset and wanted to talk to him about how I felt. Our daughter was really hungry, as was I, and was getting really upset. Finally, we ended up at a nice restaurant and I calmed down enough to go in, and we had a good lunch, but barely talked. I was still upset and angry. All this took about a hour of wasted time driving around. He still never acknowleged that he was wrong to not respond to me when I asked him where he wanted to go. He did apologise for belittling my suggestions, though, and I admitted that I tend to go on about things, but only if I feel that he is not understanding or acknowledging me. I know that I'm partially responsible for these petty arguments. but I don't know how to change this destructive pattern. My husband just wants to "drop it" and it never gets resolved. We argued about this and many other petty things over and over again and I just want it to stop. I love my husband and I know that he loves me, but sometimes it feels like we are enemies at war, and this is not a good example for our daughter. Also, I am 4 months pregnant, and the stress is not good for me or the baby. Help! And please don't suggest divorce. I am determined to do whatever it takes to save our marriage. Please tell me objectively what each of us is doing wrong. Thanks (link)
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I have this problem with my current boyfriend. I would have to say that it is more deep rooted than just having a chip on his shoulder. First, look at your families. Did he have a belittling upbringing? Did he constantly have to fight for control? This sounds like a power struggle. For me I am constantly the one defending myself because it has always been that way for me. My family ignores me and thinks that I am less than or inferior. My boyfriend and I both come from similar broken families. I asked myself this question today after the usual verbal abuse fights we usually have. Part of it is immaturity as well. I would suggest marital counselling. You have to look but some wellness places especially non-profit or not for profit organizations are not too costly. There is something else about the situation... Maybe he resents you for something and hasnt let it go yet. He should go to a "Letting go" group meeting or something like that. If I were you I would start seeking someone to talk to and maybe he will follow suit.
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