Member Since: April 30, 2012
Answers: 4
Last Update: April 30, 2012
Visitors: 741
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I am a 20 year old, semi-independent college student. I live with my father across the country from where I originally grew up. We moved when I was in 7th grade, and while the move was tough on me at first I quickly started feeling perfectly at home in my new state. I am now in my second year of college and would say that I definitely have a life here that I am not going to leave. The problem is with my mom's emotional well-being. I understand that she misses me, but it is her fault that I had to move away in the first place. We're on good terms now and we talk often enough (a couple texts during week days, sometimes a phone call every once in awhile). She has this unhealthy fixation on me moving back in with her though that makes me really uncomfortable. She'll take any opportunity to ask me to come back, and I'm at the point where I just don't know what to say to her any more. In fact, I flew over to see her last year (for the first time in over two years) and it was really a terrible experience. She was off her rocker the whole time (not drugs or anything) and just really depressed and she gets irritated over everything. I'm the kind of person who doesn't let nasty little remarks go so I usually escalate the situation.. basically we got in a fight (mind you... first time seeing her in years), that got to a point where she demanded I get back on a plane home and that's precisely what I did. ANYWAY. It used to be every time she'd get like this I'd explain to her gently that logistically it just wouldn't work out because I have a job, a girlfriend, a network of friends, I'm going to school, and there are a lot of opportunities where I am at, etc. But now I just ignore the texts because if I go down that road it's just an emotional rollercoaster where she tries to guilt trip me. I got a text from her just a couple nights ago that says "I had a dream about you you were just a little boy again and I was taking you to school. Okay that's it pack your bags u comin home!" Does anyone have some advice of what I can say to her (if I even should say anything to her)? Maybe I should change the way I think about the situation but what I really want is to stop seeing my mom getting all depressed I don't live with her. If she would stop brooding about it all the time it wouldn't be such an issue for her. (link)
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My whole family is pretty much the same way, I moved from Colorado to DC, and my mom lives in California now because her and my dad decided to separate. My sister is always telling me that I should move back to Colorado because my dad is alone, and my mom just recently got a job and is saying how great it would be if I moved out there, I could get a job as well and we could rent a place together (lol) The funny thing is, I live with my boyfriend, we're planning on our future together, I have a job, and everything is going well for me.
It's not that she wants you to move back, yes, she missing your physical presence, but she missing being able to be close to you like when you were little even more. If you slowly start talking to her more and more, send her pictures frequently of your day-to-day life, such as you and your girlfriend, your friends, your school, where you live, ect. ect.. it will be a lot better for her to cope with her feelings and instead of
"oh my husband(/boyfriend idk..) and my son left when he was so young, I miss when we were a happy family"
It could be,
"wow my son is in college in a different state, I've made an album (whatever she does with the pictures) so when I miss him, I can look at them and see how good his life is."
it won't be over-night, and she'll always miss her little boy, but it's better than not being in contact and making her think you don't love her at all.
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My boyfriend wants me to move in with him. But I'm nervous. Other than the fact that culturally, many people won't accept a girl and a boy moving in together until they are married, there's:
- bathroom issues. Like after I go, I'm not gonna lie. It smells really bad. And also, I have a retainer. Sure its alright not to wear it for one night but I can't stop wearing it once I move in!
- I'm a virgin. Now I don't plan to like wait until marriage but really if I'm going to lose it then it will most likely be when we are living together. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing but we are still in school so I don't want it to be like a sex fest 24/7!
- What if I fart or say something embarrassing, etc when I sleep?!
- And there were so many more inquiries/issues that I had thought about but I can't remember it right now.
What is your take on this and please explain your experiences on living with your loved one. Obviously farting is natural and by the time married couples have kids its like nothing but i just don't know! (link)
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I'll start off with my experience, then I'll get onto my advice to you.
I was with my boyfriend for MAYBE 5 months before we moved in together. He was 26, and I had just barely turned 18. I lived in Colorado, U.S. and moved to D.C. to be with him. Yea, it sounds completely horrible, and anyone would tell me I was out of my mind and had no business doing what I did. But, that aside, I felt like I loved him and I knew that if we had to do a long-distance relationship I wouldn't be faithful and it would be over as fast as it started.
We did good for the first few months, and obviously I started getting aggravated, and we argued A LOT. But, we stayed together and worked on our relationship. We made it to our first anniversary, and to be honest I was completely shocked as to how fast the year had gone by. Even faster was the year to come, we just celebrated our 2 year anniversary and have schedules where we get our own free time to breath with out arguing too much, even though when we do we work it out...
I work part time, he has a full time job so we only get to see each other in the afternoons, after I get off, and on the weekends before/after I go to work, or when I magically get a weekend day off.
We started talking about being even more serious, We plan on getting married, and talked about where we want to live to buy a house afterwards. What we want with our lives match up decently, and I love him more than anything in the universe, he says he does as well so I'll take his word for it, but obviously I can't talk for him considering I'm not him!
So, here's the answers to your questions.
- As far as going to the bathroom goes, I'm sure he smells a lot worse. Unless he's a complete idiot I don't see why he wouldn't expect you to have bowel movements that smell bad.
Your retainer, he has to get over it. If he wants you to have good teeth, he'll deal with it. Just as well, I'm sure he has something he's embarrassed about and thinks you'll make fun of him for it, but you won't, even if you don't like it.
-I was a virgin before my boyfriend, too. He should respect that you aren't a slut and don't want to do anything until you're ready. After you are ready, I'm 99% sure you'll want it more often than he does, and you'll soon realize that he wants to build up the excitement instead of the same thing all the time.
-Farting... I refuse to do in front of him, but I'm very sure he's heard me in the bathroom, and probably in sleep too... maybe, most guys are really sound sleepers and if you worry about him hearing you farting in your sleep, you're going to be one tired person, as well as disgusted after you listen to him snore, fart, talk, smell his morning breath, his odor unless you force him to take a shower before bed, and everything else about him.
most guys think it's cute when you talk in your sleep... no matter what you say... unless it's about another guy. but you shouldn't have a problem with that. :)
-Don't worry about anything. If he is uncomfortable with how you are, it's obviously not meant to be. If you do move in together, don't pressure yourself into hiding who you are, and if he looks uncomfortable it's probably because he has a habit he probably thinks you won't like. So you're both just making big deals out of nothing.
Also, since you're both in school, it might be best not to move in together considering money will be really tight. I know a lot of people say that money doesn't mean anything, and can't buy happiness, but it really does help when at least 1 person is financially secure, and that doesn't mean the parent's money.
You don't need money to go out to fancy dinners every night, and do great things all the time, but just enough to get bills paid, and buy groceries. It's also nice to have some for yourself just in case you want to buy yourself, or him, or he wants to buy himself, or you something nice!! :)
If you think you're ready for a huge commitment of having to be around someone you must interact with every day, you can't go in your room and ignore him, then go for it!! :)
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I want a good nicknane for my boyfriend he is so cute ,adorable ,sexy and sweet (link)
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you can't tell just by that c: I just call my boyfriend baby most of the time. sweety, other common names. But we also have papa and babu which mean baby in telugu, which is his native language. you just need to get to know each other more and i'm sure the nicknames will come to you.. just don't get ridiculous with them... it's really annoying to have a new name every other day...
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Can anybody kill me? Seriously...
20 years old from greece
(link)
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lol no =]
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