I've had an interesting and diverse life so far. Lots of experiences - good and bad. If I can help you by drawing on my experiences and understanding, we all will benefit. If I don't have the answer or meaningful response to offer, I'll say so. I will not scold or belittle anyone.
E-mail: michaelbwisdom@yahoo.com
Gender: Male
Location: Ohio, Tennessee, Mississippi, California
Occupation: Architect
Age: 64
Member Since: April 15, 2014
Answers: 4
Last Update: April 18, 2014
Visitors: 1105
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My grandmother has four grandchildren and seven great grandchildren and has a list of her favorites to least favorites. I'm at the bottom of the list, behind the great grandchildren and everyone. I don't know what's more irritating, the way she treats me or the reason why she treats me that way.
I am the second born and second girl in my family. My dad was the first of her children to have more than one child himself. Up until I was born, my grandmother could have special one on one time with each of her grandkids when she went to visit one of them. I ruined that when I was born and I think it got under her skin.
Also, I think she'd have rather me been a boy. There's only one boy in the family, my cousin, Wesley (my only friend in the family) who can carry on our family name. We don't have the most common last name, but there's no way it'll just die out if Wesley doesn't have a son. So far, he's had three daughters. When his second and especially his last were on the way, my other cousin and grandmother were almost in tears at the news of them being girls. They say that he doesn't need another girl because he already has one/two and I just think, "$#it, is this what they said about me?" I think they think of me as being some kind of disaster or curse and it sucks of them.
As for the way they treat me, I'm a nothing to them. I'm 26 and live in the same town as my parents which is an hour away from my grandmother, cousin, and cousin's family. My sister is 28 and lives nine hours away. My grandmother (and grandfather when he was alive) always ask my dad when my sister's coming for a visit. When they know she's coming soon, they ask and ask when my dad will bring her to see them. Meanwhile, I live an hour away and they never ask to see me. I see them pretty much only when my sister's in town. I know I could go see them, but they'll never tell me when's a good time. They're uninterested in seeing me and in sick of it.
My mom's family never leaves my dad out of anything, but my dad's leaves me and my mom out all the time. They'll invite him to drive down and go to dinner with them, which he keeps a secret until after he goes because they didn't invite us. They invite all the other relatives and their spouses, but don't want me and my mom.
I try with them. For example, I went to the funeral of my cousin's mother (uncle's ex wife), I was there for her the night my uncle died even though I hardly knew him, and I got up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday and drove three hours to and from some kind of ceremony that my grandparents wanted me at. My sister does non of those things, but my cousin buys her Christmas presents and buys me Jack squat. My grandmother wants to see her and doesn't care to see me. I'M DONE!
If this is all because of my birth order and gender, I have less of an interest in tring with them. My dad and Wesley are the only people I want to try with at all from that side of the family. I guess my question is, I'm a bad person for feeling this way? If so, what should I be doing? (link)
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None of the circumstances you've detailed are within your control. There's no fault in you for any of those circumstances and there is no reason you should be treated poorly because of them. Since these circumstances are not in your control, you have little hope in changing the situation as it relates to them. What you can do is be he best Daughter, Grandchild, and Friend you can be to each member of your family and feel good about yourself in doing so. Perhaps in time your Grandmother and any other family member who doesn't show you proper respect and appreciation will come around. If they don't, you will have the knowledge and peace of mind in knowing that you were always ready to be there for them. For that you will surely be rewarded!
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When I masturbate, I only use my clit, because its the only way I know of. Is there something better than just the clit? (link)
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Rainhorse's answer is very good advice! I would add to it by pointing out the sensitivity of nipples. If you want to build to an orgasm, alternating between vaginal and nipple stimulation can help make the resulting orgasm more intense. If you're in a highly erotic, more frenzied mood, try both simultaneously.
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It's a silly fear I'm embarrassed to admit… I'm afraid of demons and evil spirits. It's really embarising,I practice white magic and am an altar server! But they haunt my worst nightmares and cause me panic attacks. I'd say what I'm afraid of is being hurt by them. I know God is much more powerful, but for some reason I'm still scared. I really feel I need to get rid of this, or it'll rule my life, it's the fear that makes me bite my nails, and I have a crucifix over my bed, pray the rosary when I get demon dreams. They all lead to nothing. I must eliminate this. How can I overcome this fear without telling anyone? Please, I'm ashamed of it. I once tried to hint it to my mom, and she laughed telling me it was silly. (link)
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Since you've mentioned being an alter server and praying the rosary, I'm going to guess you may be Catholic. Whether this is accurate or not, I agree with Twist that you cannot serve two masters and attempting to relieve your distress through Christianity in addition to white magic isn't likely to produce the results you are seeking. My advice: If you are Catholic, see a priest. If you're embarrassed, see a priest who doesn't know you at a parish other than your own. If you belong to another Christian denomonation, ask a pastor for help. Tryng to fix this on your own (even with help from above) without some earthly spiritual guidance will likely prolong your suffering. DO NOT allow shame or embarrassment to stop you from seeking help - they ARE the demons and evil spirits you fear. If you conques these, you will have already gained the upper hand in the battle. I pray you find Peace and Joy!
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I am 31 and from India. I have a friend who I happened to be very fond of. I enjoy hanging out and talking to her and in general she is a very decent and trustworthy person.
The thing about this friend that confuses me a lot is that she doesn’t respond to my messages most of the time and always cancels any plans that she makes with me. It doesn’t bother me if a friend who is not a close friend does it. But it bothers me when its one of my close friends as it honestly kinda hurts. Now I did at one point decide to not bother and that she may not consider me a close friend which was fine with me. But then suddenly she will do some gesture of friendship like inviting me to her kids birthday (with only a select few invited) or even mention several times in general conversation that I’m one of her close friends. Like the time when I had left my job and was moving abroad. She cancels again and doesn’t call. And just when I decided this was it and time to move her out of my life, one day before I left she texts telling me how sorry she is and that she had a blood pressure problem and hence couldn’t message and begging me not to stop talking to her. Then next day she visited me at my house before I left with a sweet card and gifts. So of course as usual I caved.
There are times she makes me feel like she considers me a friend and a lot of times when it just isn’t clear. Sometimes I feel like maybe she just doesn’t see me as a friend and is just feeling guilty to say no. But I don’t mind backing off and accepting that. But those few instances where she does tell me I am one of her very close friends gets me thinking: am I being too needy, am I failing to understand her? Like the message of her begging me not to stop talking to her, how can anyone ignore that
Because she always cancels, now what I do is I visit my old office to meet friends and I meet her as well. (the abroad thing didn’t work out and am back). In these cases she does make it to meet me and hang out. Also I do remind myself that she has a lot on her hands with the job (she’s had a promotion now), kid and since she is popular I’m assuming lot of people to take her time. I once did make a remark that I know you are busy so that’s why you keep cancelling. But she will say no that’s not it. And when I ask what then, she makes some other excuse. It would have been so much better if she just agreed cos it was she is super busy. Or when I once said oh I know you have so many friends who must be texting you that you cant keep up. And she says something like oh actually its not like that I don’t really have that many friends. Again I wish she just agreed cos then I cant understand why she cant reply. I have even told her how it was hard to tell if she considers me a friend and she seemed offended and said she shows it all the time. I left it at that as I said, she seemed offended.
I thought about it a lot and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and work around it. So if no rely, I ignore, if she cancels, I have backup plans etc. but then recently when I texted her saying I got a job in xyz company, she replies ‘Who is this?’. Another message ‘I lost some contacts on my phone’ and that’s it, no sorry no nothing. Why it pissed me off was, one: I think it is just rude to just ask who this is without any apology of losing the number (isn’t a person telling you about a job he/she got most probably someone close), second: if it was me who lost contact, my close friend would be the first I would check and then get the number on fb or through other friends. I feel this is disrespectful but I don’t know again if I’m just being unreasonable and needy.
I thought maybe the best thing to do is to demote the importance of her friendship. Keep her as a friend but not a close friend. Maybe I should also not reply to some of her texts or calls if I’m busy with something else and not get back to her. Also, will no longer make any plans with her or go out of my way to keep in touch.
I just wanted someone else’s opinion on this. I would have discussed this with my other friends but they already think she is kinda weird so I know they’ll just tell me to cut her off. Appreciate any advice. I wouldnt want to lose a good friend by being unreasonable
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Friends are gifts. Close friends are precious gifts. But being close friends requires some reciprocal commitment and that appears to be lacking in the relationship you're describing, although perhaps not on your part. Both parties must ACT like close friends to validate a close friendship. My advice: Be the best friend you can be and if that draws her closer, she may at some point satisfy your definition of a Close Friend. In any case you still retain the gift of friendship on some level and that can only be a good thing!
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