Member Since: February 20, 2014
Answers: 3
Last Update: August 23, 2017
Visitors: 567
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Lately my BF of 4 years and I have been fighting a lot, my guess is due to built up resentment and stress. I finally got tired of the passive aggression between us and asked to sit down and chat. It was going great and we were almost done hashing things out until we got to one last thing...
After high school I weighed 220 lbs and thought that was a lot. I managed to lose 50 lbs and looked really great, but I was suicidal with clinical depression, and sort of thought that if I lost weight I would like myself/life in general, but it didn't work. They put me in therapy and on anti-depressants. The meds helped a ton emotionally, but made me gain weight like crazy. Over a couple years I went from 170-290 lbs. I've tried many times to lose weight but it is 10 times more difficult on this medication.
Anyhow, all that to say it's been a long journey but I finally feel in a really good place to diet, like I want to do it for my well being. For looks but mostly health, and I'm actually doing really well this time. The problem is, my BF is the opposite of me when it comes to emotions. I am very sensitive, and for him it can be hard to feel emotions sometimes. He hasn't been very good at showing me he is proud of me with my diet success, and hasn't been the most helpful. It can feel like I'm alone in the dieting, when he's the one who would sometimes pressure me into it. He wants me to be healthy for me, him, and for our future kids someday.
He was at a loss at how he could show his support, and I said he could do anything- come home and be like "wow it's been 2 months! Let's watch your favorite movie tonight (link)
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Do not rely on your boyfriend for all of your emotional needs. Do you have any girlfriends/friends you can talk to about your diet/issues? You mentioned after 4 yrs you guys fight a lot due to resentment and built up stress. Maybe you should consider taking a break from the boyfriend and figuring out the diet on your own and just getting back to being who you used to be for a few months or even less.
We sometimes want to prove to our partner that we are capable again of making better choices and not re living our past mistakes/failures. Follow your heart and intuition and FOCUS ON FIXING YOU AND NOT PLEASING THE BOYFRIEND... Once you work on you and your weight goals you can then start to feel better about yourself and revisit your relationship.
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I have a pretty good chance at being accepted for disability because of my psychiatrist. He'll send his note to Social Security. He knows how my anxiety is practically untreatable and how awful it can be. He knows that I have anxiety attacks *EACH AND EVERY TIME* I set foot in a public place, which is why I can't hold a job. He knows I have extreme, untreatable fatigue, which is why I can't drive. Every time I do, I consistently have near death experiences.
I'll be moving in with my boyfriend in a year or so. And I'm choosing to be a housewife - to clean the whole apartment for him, do his laundry and fold them (as well as mine), cook breakfast and all his favorite meals for him. I'll do yoga and meditation in the morning. I'll read, write and give advice on this certain mental illness forum. I'll give him as much massages and backrubs as he wants when he gets home from work.
My biggest fear is becoming lazy like my aunt. She's on disability for anxiety and depression too, but all she does *ALL* day is sit at her kitchen table and smoke as well as sleep. She never cleans her house and when she used to have a dog, her house smelled of pure piss. She does absolutely *NOTHING* and expects people to do stuff and buy stuff for her for free.
I don't want to be like her, so please help me find as much productive stuff that I can do at home. Thank you! (link)
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First, it is very difficult to get approved for disability especially on the first attempt. However, if this is what you want your life to be go for it! Just realize that there is no going back! (with full SSD) You create your life and you make your own choices and create a attitude positive or negative.
If you want to be a housewife, that is fine but maybe years down the road you might get tired of that and want to actually do something with your life!! The anxiety might very well improve like mine did! If you do end up getting SSD I would volunteer atleast and not just live in this little comfortable bubble the rest of your life. All you will be remembered for when you die is taking care of your husband??! and leeching off the state. Don't you want to leave behind some sort of legacy?? Just food for thought....
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So do you think it could work between an 18 year old female and a 42 year old woman. I know it's 24 year difference. Heres some background on this exact situation. I'm the 18 year old I met this woman when I was 14 and I didn't have feelings for her until 17 almost 18 and I want to ask her on a date but before I do, do you think it could work? (link)
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Anything is possible! I have seen this work. I think in this particular situation you are looking for a mother figure. Maybe you do like older women, however think about how this will impact her life as well. Does she seem to like you? What signals does she give off?
You are both at different points in your life which makes it hard to relate. It does not hurt to ask her out on a date though.
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