about

People have come to me for advice for decades now. I think it's because I take notes on life, my experiences, and my research, I avoid (as best I can) being preachy, and I try in some way to remind the inquirer or concerned party that what I'm saying is only from me, one person.
I have to admit that verbosity, or being too wordy or long-winded, is my downfall. I'm definitely working on and getting better about it. But, hey, everyone has one, right?

advice

I work at itailian resturant and i get a pay check every couple of weeks but for the most of my shifts I get paid under the table. What i want to know is are the people paying doing tax fruad?

Your employers are committing tax evasion, punishable by law. But make no mistake you are as well, also punishable by law.
I recommend getting a legitimate job, in which both parties are taxed. It keeps you outta trouble in the long run.

Here I've included some website links that may make things a bit more clear for you:

http://www.businessweek.com/debateroom/archives/2009/07/under-the-table_pay_is_unacceptable.html

This is a link to an article discussing the pros and cons of the "under the table" payment system, as it's generally understood.



http://www.lectlaw.com/def2/t006.htm

This one gives you the legal definition of tax evasion.



http://www.irstaxattorney.com/penalty.html

This link gives you information for tax evasion penalties.



Good luck,
Jaimes :-)

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What does it mean when a guy rapidly wiggled his tongue at you from between his teeth?

It's usually sexual gesture, it can insinuate just about anything but mostly it's a "dirty-minded" expression. I've found that it's mostly done to provoke people and make them feel uncomfortable.

Good luck,
Jaimes :-)

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19/f. I am in the University and I still live at home. I stayed at home, and didn't go away, as most people, because my family BEGGED me to stay. At the time of graduation, I had an eating disorder. I was struggling with anorexia and bullemia and eventually with trying to get back to a healthy weight. The day after graduation, my family told me I was adopted. All of this was confirmed true, and I met my birth parents as well. So, it's been a lot. I really didn't have much of a choice as far as whether I could leave or not. They really begged me to stay. I have a scholarship at my school. Not only do I not pay a penny for my University education, I get money back! This is also a really nice University. I would consider myself very fortunate to be able to come here. But, I have a couple of issues that need to be addressed and I don't even know where to start.

First of all, my home life is a really big issue. I have "a room," I guess you could say. But, it's not MY room. Everyone goes in there and uses the computer. No one knocks when they want to come in. There is very little privacy and absolutely no respect for my private and personal space. My mom doesn't allow me to sleep in my room, basically. Now, when I say she doesn't allow me, she doesn't straight out tell me i can't. But, she will come to room crying and making a scene if I decide I want to sleep there. My mom hasn't let me sleep in my own bed since I was 9 months old. This has been a problem for that long. If I stay up late in my room doing whatever, she will come in and tell me it's time to go to sleep... in her room... in her bed.

My mother and I have been sharing the car. But, she doesn't let me drive it when I want to go out with friends or to school at night for an event. SHE has to drive me. It's really frustrating because I think I am perfectly capable of driving myself to school and back. She won't let me drive the car to school because she says she's afraid I won't find parking. BS. I know it's convenient and everything, but I feel almost incapacitated. I am frustrated because I've been working since I was 16, and I still don't have enough money to buy myself my own car. My mom has used my money sometimes, during emergencies and I've used minimal money for food, gas, necessities. When I do drive somewhere, it's a REALLY big deal. Like, my mom starts to cry and take out her rosary and slam the doors.

My dad has 2 other kids and they live somewhere else. They live in the same city, but in another house. He doesn't really meddle in my home life too much. He's just there for moral and financial support when I need it and basically to be "daddy." He seems like he's the good one I can always run to, but the reality is that's not a fair judgement because he doesn't really live with me. He just buys me whatever I want when I want it, brings me money, etc. That's our relationship. But, I feel bad asking him to buy me a car, you know? Even though he can afford it, and my mom and I can't.

My mom doesn't let me wash my own hair. She goes into the bathroom with me and washes it for me. She makes appointments at the beauty salon and makes them do my hair "her way." I'm allergic to acrylic/gel nails. They make me itchy, and I have them on right now. Why? Because she made me get them and I don't want problems with her. Sometimes, it's better to do things her way than to argue with her. My mom picks out the clothes I wear in the morning and there's really no arguing with her. She makes me wear big heels to school and claims she "has" to brush my hair because I don't know what I'm doing. She has to "check" my makeup is on right and that I have enough on. She pays for spray tans every week and if I don't go, she has a fit. She screams at me and it ends up in a huge fight.

I've really been trying to handle this to the best of my ability, but I kind of want to leave now. School seems more like my safe haven than home. Please don't get a wrong impression. My mom is a great lady and she just does all those things because she wishes someone would have done them for her. But, she has taken it out of proportion, and it's affecting me. I don't want to leave the school I'm in because this is my home. I'm also getting scholarships here. This school is a home to me and I can't leave. I'm already a sophomore here. I'm going to be 20 very soon and I can't fathom the idea that my mother doesn't let me wash my own hair pick out my own clothes. I want to go "home" and I don't know where that is, because I can't stay at school all night. I want my won place.

This is where the problem comes in: money and finances. I don't have the money to do it. I live in an expensive city and a part time job won't cut it. None of my friends want to get an apartment, since most of them live in the dorms. I don't want to live in the dorms and let me explain why. It's MUCH more expensive than living in an apartment. It's very expensive. With an apartment, I have selection. I would just need someone to move in with me and be willing to split the costs.I would have to save up for a down payment, but I think it's possible, at least. In the meantime, while I'm looking for a steady job and roomates, I need to find a way to deal with my mom. I really need help here. Please don't say talk to her because... you think in 19 years, I haven't tried talking to my mom about this? You think I would be asking the world wide internet for help if I haven't even gone through step 1? So please give me as much help as possible. I think I have done my part in explaining as much as I possibly could

Thank you for reading it all and I hope you can offer me some valuable advice. Thank you

First: GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!
Okay, just had to get that out! I feel much better, and now I think it's time that you do.
Your dad is a huge part of your answer. If you live in an expensive city I'm going to deduce that you also live in a city with some sort of public transportation. Instead of dad buying you a car, dad should buy you the first and last month's rent with a security deposit so that you may move into your own place. Moving out of your mom's house, permanently, should really be #1 on your list of things to do.
From there you'll have more time and space to see what else needs to be tended to.
OK, now, go CALL DAD!

Good luck,
Jaimes :-)

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Ok so I have a fascination with mental conditions, etc, that severly interfere with living normally, more serious cases and rehabilitation. What degrees would i need if i was to get a job working most of the time with a person? Is there any way a degree in communications study would help?

I think it's great that you're interested in the "tougher" cases. I found a website that may be able to help you a bit, and perhaps lead you to other questions/answers.
Hope this helps:

http://www-usr.rider.edu/~suler/gradschl.html

Good luck,
Jaimes :-)

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So I was chatting online with my friend about drinking and stuff cause I was getting red spots after getting drunk. We were talking about vodka and stuff then I went to the bathroom. When I came back, my mom was in front of the laptop. When I was trying to say "wait", she just had a straight face. I think she read our chat. So now I'm really scared. I don't know what to do. Should I tell her? HELP ME PLEASE.:(

xoxo,
J
16/f

Good morning!
If your mom did read your chat she is giving you the opportunity to come to her to talk about it, which in turn indicates how patient your mom can be.
If she has not read your chat and not only are you stressed about her finding out but also the spots you should still talk to her about it.
The reason that you have parents is so that you can be protected and guided as best you can. If something should happen and she's aware that alcohol might've been involved she knows how to better protect you and keep you safe. If your parents don't have all the important information it's hard for them to do their job.
Alcohol IS kind of a big deal, it's more lethal than all other drugs except tobacco.
I know that it's scary when you're so young, but my mom always said that the truth is your protection. Besides who wants all that stress of hiding something (also just generally a bad habit to get into).
Good luck,
Jaime :-)
P.S. If you decide to tell her you might think about sharing this, your question and my (possibly others') response, with her. This can help illustrate that you are a thoughtful person and not just wreckless and without consideration of your responsibilities to yourself and your parents.
P.P.S. Teenagers are supposed to make mistakes, often. It's how they learn about and prepare for adulthood!

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My boyfriend doesn't take blame for things, its ALWAYS someone else's fault, never his. He will make me feel guilty for things that have gone wrong in his life, that he was actually fully responsible for.

Its not a huge issue for now, but its just something that I've been noticing. I haven't talked to him about it YET, and I don't think he realizes that it kind of hurts me.

Could this be a bigger issue? I know its one of the signs of an abusive person, but otherwise he treats me well and respects me. He takes good care of me and is loyal.

Open lines of communication are so vital to a healthy, respectful relationship, and they're some of the most difficult things to establish.
I picked up some tones of resentment in your inquiry, which makes perfect sense when you're feeling unseen or like your thoughts and feelings aren't being considered. And sometimes feeling enables our defenses.
I must suggest relaxing, it's better for your general sense of well being and will allow you to see things from a clearer and more thoughtful perspective. If you want him to understand your concerns it's a good idea to be understanding of him as well.
If and/or when a situation arises which appropriately calls for his accountability, try to treat this situation as if it is the first and only situation of it's kind. If he doesn't take accountability for this situation, try not to include any frustration that you may have that would reflect any previous history of these types of situations. This keeps it simple for you and hopefully approachable for him.
Own your feelings, remembering that no one has power over you and therefore doesn't have the power to "make" you feel anything. This doesn't mean that you don't or shouldn't be feeling effected by his lack of responsibility. Your feelings will almost always be valid and you should feel good about standing by their validity.
Saying something like, "When you said this about this I felt like you might've felt that it was somehow my fault. And I want you to understand that it is not my fault, though I do understand that it totally sucks(ed)." A response like this allows you to stand up for yourself, point out your concern with where the blame is being placed (which gives him the opportunity to actually look at where it should be placed, if any), and validate not only your feelings but his as well.
This may or may not be the exact answer for you and your situation, but it's worth a shot, and actually I suggest trying it on 2 or 3 occassions before you toss it out.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
Good luck,
Jaime :-)

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soo i met this guy at work and he gave me his number and told me to text him sometime. soo i did and we hungout twice after that. we hooked up and watched a movie and i'm starting to feel something for him, like i can't be around him without smiling he just makes me happy. when we hangout he's super flirty and i can tell he's into me but when we text it doesn't seem that way. like he'll give me like a couple word answers and stuff. i've texted him first the past 3 times we've talked but i've made excuses to text him like stuff like "you left something at my house" and stuff like that. i was texting him last night and i don't plan on texting him today cause i want to see if he texts me but i really want to. do any guys do this for a reason? he told me he wants to hang out again but he hasn't picked a time and date and place and stuff. what do you think about thiss?

So, first I must say that I'm a chick advicenator. I must follow by stating that I consider myself to being,often, a half-dude-type thinker. Now, having said that...
While agree with the gist of the last advicenator's response I would have to encourage a change in it's focus. The last response focused on what you should or shouldn't do based on how this guy could be perceiving you. You might consider returning the focus on you.
Do you wanna be someone who wastes valuable time, and remember you are a valuable person, wondering whether or not your interest's time is spent thinking of you? Or would you rather spend your time doing what you want and/or need to, focusing on the parts of you and your life (i.e. hobbies, activitie, friends, family)that are positively rewarding?
What's my point? Does he like you? Is he not interested in you in a mutual way? Who knows? Does he know that you're interested in him? Yes, one would hope so by this point. So, for now, relax and do the things that you wanna do. And this, in turn, will give him the time and space to value his own time! Respect is a beatiful thing, and this is a way for you to respect yourself and him!
So, I hope this response helps at least as much as the last, and should you have further inquiries or concerns you have only to ask!
Good luck,
Jaime :-)

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I'm not driven at all, in any area of my life.
Partly because I'm depressed, but I can't blame it all on that. I'm going to try to get help with that soon.

I just want to hear from some people who are self motivated and ask what it is that keeps you so focused and driven with your goals.

thanks.

I, too, suffer from depression, as well as bipolar disorder. I, too, have a difficult time with motivation.
When I struggle I find it's because I have compromised my small, daily routines. As soon as I get back to getting to bed at a decent hour, waking up early (like 7-7:30 for me), eating a good breakfast, having coffee, taking a shower, getting dressed, and following through with some plan I have lined up for a set time (usualy arount 8:30-9)... This morning routine, if routinely followed, works to keep me on track, even so much as making the mundane tasks on my list a little less tiresome.
Change doesn't work like a light switch, it doesn't just stay because you want it to. Your brain is where it's at from years of practice, now you need to practice what will help you retrain your brain to be more motivationally oriented.
My suggestion is that you start with schedule... If you don't have one, make one. Make a schedule for your bedtime and waking time routines. Let me know how it goes because there is more than one way to get what you want in this life, even in this minute!
Good luck,
Jaime :-)

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