Member Since: March 24, 2008
Answers: 3
Last Update: March 28, 2008
Visitors: 727
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My girlfriend and I have a long distance relationship. Our conversations are largely internet messaging and phone convos. However she seems to be very closed off. It's almost difficult for me to get a word about herself out and she hates answering questions. I try to strike up conversation, but she seems to shy away from anything related to her life. It takes a lot of manipulation just to learn her favorite food/color/tv show/etc.
I'm not sure what to do. I really love her, but it's like she's barely there. Any ideas guys? (breaking up is not an option I want to consider, thanks) (link)
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Well the best thing you could do is let her tell you when she is ready, but when she does tell you things, show that you are not being judgemental. Let her know that you really care for her and would it means a lot to you that you get to know her. Don't feel bad if she is not presently open with you. Some people take longer to open up. Tell her about yourself and make conversation; eventially she should open up.
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My boyfriend and I are expecting a baby in July, it will be the first child for both of us. It was totally unexpected, we had only been together a few months when we found out I was pregnant. We are both 27 and really not where we wanted to be in life when we started a family, but are still both excited and want to do everything we can to give this child a great life. There is one thing, my boyfriend has no real work experience. He worked delivering pizzas for a few months, but he isn't working anymore. I know it's hard to find jobs in this area, and with not much experience, but I am very worried about the strain this is putting on our relationship, and for when the baby is here. I work full time and have my own apartment, a very small apartment, that's another thing, if he had income we could move into a better place. I blame things on him a lot, because I am carrying this baby and working full time, and he isn't. Sometimes I think positive, like as long as I know I'm doing all I can, and he is actually looking for employment, but a lot of the times I think really negatively and believe I will not be able to stay with him if he doesn't find work. I don't think it's fair really, and I don't want to put myself in a position where I have to do everything myself, not if we are together, so it makes me think sometimes that we shouldn't stay together. He says I should believe in him and believe things will work out, but it's hard at this point, I'm due in a little over 3 months and I'm stuck in this tiny apartment with little income. I'm just looking for some advice, and maybe a good way to start a conversation with him about how much this affects me, because I am kind of quiet and don't always know how to express my feelings and explain things that are bothering me. It is really making me sad and overwhelmed because I don't know how to handle the situation. I would rather my child had two parents that are in a relationship, but sometimes I don't see how that can be. (link)
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Well your boyfriend is 27, almost thirty.
On the one hand, you are both at an age where you should be old and mature enough to raise a family. On the other hand, a man who is almost thirty should have a job, or at least by trying (its on things to be temporarly unemployed, but this should not last too long).Although I do not know your boyfriend or the situation, the fact that he litarally does not have a job seems suspicious. I mean it seems (I could be wrong, so don't be offended) like you are a single mother right now. You are pregnat and you should not have to work full time. Ask yourself this, "Is he looking for a job? Does he seem to working hard at finding a job?" Also, ask yourself why he does not work where he used to work. Did he quit? Did he get fired for reasons that were his fault? Did he get layed off due to employment cutback. You know your boyfriend better than I do. Is he hard working? Is he being choosy about where he works or is he applying to jobs everywhere? Do you want to keep this relationship? The best advice I could give you on how to discuss it with him is to tell him that you are very concerned; tell him you want more for your child then what you have now. Maybe tell him that this relationship will not work out (if that is the case) if you do not provide for out expecting child. If he remains unemployed forever, you cannot be any worst off financially without him. I understand you wanting to raise your child with two parents and I don't blame you, but single parents have raised children,some better then two parent families. Also, if he is lazy (I am not saying he is) but if he is, what kind of role model is he for your child? I mean he he is almost thirty and unemployed, not 18, even if he was, being a father means growing up. You have a child to think about now. It is one thing for him to ruin your life (I am not saying he will, I don't know him) but your child will have no say in the matter.
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I met this guy 4 years ago. I am in my late 20's and he is in his early 30's. We hit it off. He was everything I was looking for; attractive, charming, sweet, succesful, and loving. 3 months into it he changes into a cocky, disrespectful person. Apparently he had another girlfriend. I suffered as the other woman for almost 3 years. I knew what I needed was to leave, but I didn't. Actually throughout those 3 years, we were on and off. It is now into the 4th year and he has made some changes. I think and feel like he is only seeing me. When we're together, we are deeply in love. We laugh, we enjoy each others company, We are so happy together. And I mean literally "together". He is a very busy guy, so when we're apart...we do not get along. Because I already have trust issues considering he disrespected and cheated in the part, I would think that he would try his hardest to communicate. Of course, he doesnt. Some nights he simply doesnt return my calls. His excuse the next morning is he had a long day and he was tired. I really think that he is not cheating, but I feel like I deserve to be communicated with. Would counseling be worth our time? Is our relationship savageable? I am deeply in love with him. Please help. (link)
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Well, I will try to help you without telling you what to do. He did cheat on his girfriend in the past, but I do not know how much he has changed, nor do I know the whole situation. You need to know how serious he is with this relationship and if you and him are on the same page. Do you want a long term relationship? If so, find out if he does. Couple's counseling or therapy seems like a fine idea if you find a helpful and supportive therapist, but it could only help to a certain extent. The rest is up to both of you. Also, if he is wiling to go to counseling with you, that shows how he is wiling to work it out, not that it proves it will all work out, but it shows that he is trying. You both need to evaluate the relationship and decide if you both want to same things. For example, do you want to eventually get married and have a family (If not now, in the future)? So figure out what you are looking for and what he is looking for. The fact that he is too busy to call you could mean that he really is busy or could mean he is making excuses, but just find out by discussing it with him. Communication is key. But take my advice on this; if you want a long term relationship and he seems to want different, don't waste your time with him.
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