Member Since: February 6, 2009
Answers: 4
Last Update: February 6, 2009
Visitors: 1211
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Omg okay! Me and my boyfriend has been off and on for almost two years. .We've broken up and started to see other people! During that time i had sex with this guy whom i had no feelings for but he made me feel wanted at the time soo anyways i was drunk and when i made him stop(like seriously a minute after we started) the condom broke! I tried to be responsible and get the plan B pill and get checked and they said everything was okay! Later me and my boyfriend got back other and i wanted to tell him bout that night so bad but i was so scared of losing him cause i always seem to mess stuff up or do things that could cause me to leave him! I recently went to the doctor to get on birth control and they took all types of test. Well on monday i received a call for them saying that i tested positive for chlamydia. .my heart dropped! I wasnt upset because i had it cause i mean i did the stupid stuff so i was willing to pay for it but i knew for a fact that my boyfriend had it too! I wrote him as soon as i found out and told him that we needed to talk face to face! He came over that night and we drove around as i tried to find out how to tell him. .finally it all came out after a hour or two and just as i suspected he was furious!! Before i told him i made him promise that he will stay over my house that night and he did! I took my pills for it before he came and i had his pill in the car for him! We had the most weird night ever! He hated me i know it but when we i start crying in the house he came over to me and hugged me sooo tight! That night was weird and so was that morning. .He got mad again and started yelling and crying then he decided he was going to stay with me and everything was good after that. .well i thought so! That same night it happened again. .the crying that is but we made up again! That morning it was like the stuff never happened he was happy. I was happy and we played around all day until we start talking about me going to college than that when it all blew up! He cried and i cried more than ever cause he couldnt help but to think about it! I told him that he should leave and find someone that makes him happy and all he could say was that im the only person. .that i all he got and want! After about an hour or two of crying and trying to find out if he was going to stay or leave he that he will stay and that he ment it! That he wanted us to have the family we always planned on and he know if he left that the tears wouldnt stop! Our tears dried and we laughed and played til i took him home but when we were leaving he seemed kind of mad idk if its because of what he was doing on the computer of if its cause he was thinking about it again! Long story huh. .Well my question is Is he going to leave me? Well the pain go away soon? Can we still be together and be happy after this or is our relationship just a timed bomb? PLEASE HELP! I CANT LOSE HIM!!
Thanks in advance! (link)
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This is a really difficult one. While maybe you should have known the guy who gave you an STD better (clearly!), but you used a condom, and he probably would have lied to you to get in your pants anyway, so it's just a case of tragic bad luck. These are the consequences of casual sex, people.
What you must understand is that your boyfriend has every right to be furious. There is no cure for chlamydia, and he'll be taking antibiotics forever. It's going to upset him and unnerve him for a long, long time. Only an incredibly strong relationship will survive this kind of emotional trauma.
If you are going off to college, that means you're still very young. It's not stupid to talk about having a family with someone you really love, but at the absolute earliest you're not going to be getting married for another five years. Your whole world is going to change in college. Some high school relationships DO last through college, but most do not, simply because you both will change in so many unexpected ways.
You absolutely must expect a rough road to recovery if this relationship is to survive. The whole STD thing is going to mean years of trust issues and tears and late night conversations. If you are truly meant for each other, the relationship will survive. But you're going to have to earn his trust back, and you're going to have to accept that you're going to have difficult problems in your relationship for a while. Don't pressure him, just let him work these things out. Reach out to him when he needs it, and back off when he wants to be alone.
The track record for this kind of relationship is not good, but it is possible the relationship may survive. If it doesn't, trust me, the pain will go away after a good long while, and college will help that pain go away - it's the greatest time of your life! If the relationship survives, it will have its own set of problems and pain. If you really love your boyfriend, you need to be incredibly patient and understanding for your relationship to continue on.
If you liked this advice please spread the word about AreaAdviceColumnist to your friends! If you want to follow up on this, continue the conversation by emailing me personally at AreaAdviceColumnist at gmail dot com
****I must admit I was thinking of herpes when I wrote this. There is technically a "cure" for chlamydia - and so I was wrong to say there is no cure and that the young man in question would be taking pills forever. HOWEVER it shouldn't be taken lightly. You can still transmit it well after you're done with your antibiotic treatment and long after your symptoms are dormant. Having chlamydia just once severely increases your chances of having pelvic inflammatory disease, and serious infections of the uterus and ovaries, and increased probability for ovarian and uterine cancer. The point is not to single any one out or embarass anyone, but, just that everyone should be smart like this particular young woman and GET TESTED. Chlamydia often has no symptoms and can be passed on and on and on from partner to partner.
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k so im confused.
so i met him last year, and i have been pretty good friends with him since.
he confuses me so much!
ok heres the gist of things.
-there will times when i dont talk to him for months! we drift apart all the time!
-i didnt even see him all summer, but he liked me. i texted him alot during the summer.
-at the start of the year this year, we hardly talked. now im getting to see him again cuz we are both in our school's musical.
-he told me recently we need to talk more, and has been talking to me a lot ever since
-he has always flirted with me.
-calls me babe, says im sexy, cute etc. all the time and when i say stuff like "yeah right" he says hes serious, that hes not joking. i dont know whether to believe him?
-gives me comments alot.
Example: him:did you get your hair cut?
me: yeah why?
him: i like it its really cute
-now he likes texts me 24/7. but i dont know if he likes me. ALSO i might like this other guy, who also flirts with me alot; and im not sure if he likes me either!
not to mention one of my best friends hates both of these guys.
but what do you guys think? do you think this guys likes me? should i come right out and ask him? or should i just keep doing what im doing?
=// help!
thanks! (link)
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Usually I'm pretty long winded, but this one is pretty easy. With regard to our mystery guy, the answer is simple, YES he likes you. No guy does that kind of thing unless he likes you - the compliments, the constant texting, etc. The problem is what to do from there. Do you want an exclusive relationship? A date at the movies? It sounds like you are interested in two guys so it doesn't sound like you want a boyfriend right now.
Anyway, you can ask him if he likes you, but, I assure you, he does like you. Now it all depends on what you want.
Keep the conversation going if you want, ask another question and/or email me personally at AreaAdviceColumnist@gmail.com
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13/F
Ughh boys... Here's the thing, I am going to try to explain my very cobfusing relationship with Dave in just a few sentences. He likes me (of this I am almost 99% sure) and I like him ALOT. It sounds simple, and it should be, but its not... It started out as friendship, I REALLY opened up to Dave and I learned sooo much about him, and we sort of became something. However, when school started, Dave's friends were really getting on him about it, calling us things like "the couple that isn't dating" and some people even asked me if I was dating him... And I guess this really bugged Dave, because he started ignoring me and it hurt alot. He would ignore me at school, at football games, at friends houses, and he even blocked me online. I confronted him about it and asked him to explain. He told me that his friends were giving him a ton of crap about "us being together" he said at first he tried to ignore it because he really liked me but he just couldn't take it because he really didn't want a girlfriend at the moment. He said he was sorry and that he didn't care anymore, and things were back to normal. Well not normal because we both knew we liked eachother but we wouldnt do anything about it, but it was normal for us. At spread out times we would go for a bit where he would ignore me, but I just never brought it up because it only lasted a few days and I didn't want to appear obsessed (even though I was). Then it would go back to what we called normal (talking 24/7 and walking to class together and hanging out during lunch and going to eachother games etc..) I
couldn't understand that we acted like a couple, but he claimed he didn't want a girlfriend... I just never questioned it. Oh and btw, I don't think he was avoiding claiming us as a couple to avoid being "tied down" or anything like that, he isn't that kind of boy, haha trust me. He has never had a girlfriend before and I think the reason he is refraining is because we are still so young and he may b moving at the end of the year (but that is still so far away...) anyway, at the moment we are in kind of in between "ignore you" and "pretty much together". And I am really just starting to think "what's the point?" all this is doing is hurting me and I don't want to do it anymore. But the thing is... I don't think I CAN just forget about it, if it hurts this much when he ignores me for a few days, I don't even want to think about how painful it would be if I had to let him go... I dont think I can. I'm just so confused!!! Its literally driving me nuts!!! I am CONSTANTLY thinking about him, and everytime I am angry with him he has this uncanny ability to make me adore him all over again, and he isn't even trying to!!! I WANT to forget about him because its hurts to be in the kind of relationship we are in, but I can't because I like him so much!! I know its not healthy and I know he doesn't want a girlfriend but I can't help thinking that maybe someday he will... I can't stop myself from believing we will finally become a real something, and not just a "something" or that we will sometime soon be together instead of "being together". And what if I don't want to give up, and I don't know what I want at all? I don't know what to do. I know we won't be something (or will we???) but how am I going to give it all up? I love being close to him, and although our relationship is painful... I don't think I would ever be able to handle just being friends or anything like that. Please help me, I really don't know what to do... (link)
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You're 13, I'm 24, and first of all don't let anyone you get an advice from, here or otherwise, talk down to you or tell you that you're too young to feel what you're feeling. A lot of people, including parents, don't take the problems of young people, especially young women such as yourself, seriously. And they should, because we all face the same issues in relationships, more or less, no matter how old we are.
The bad part is that this sort of relationship drama will continue for the rest of your life. It happens to almost everybody. It sucks. It's horrible to feel so confused. This bizarre "does he or doesn't he" relationship limbo is just as common at 13 as it is at 23 or 33. But enough with the pessimism. Let's see if we can work through this problem with Dave (if this is Dave's real name you should defintely change it btw, as anyone can access this site).
First of all, Dave is a 13 year old boy. Girls and boys mature at different rates, and girls are much more likely to take dating seriously at this age. Some guys who hit puberty later don't even "like" girls yet at 13! We assume Dave likes girls, and likes you. This is also a socially awkward age for both girls and boys. In trying to figure out how to understand the emotions of growing up, dating, and forming teenage friendships, boys and girls are going to do silly, immature and hurtful things to each other. I wish someone had explained this to me when I was your age. Simply put, Dave didn't know what to do, and was feeling all sorts of emotions. He liked you, but didn't like that his friends teased him. Why did they tease him? Probably a combination of jealousy and immaturity. Being 13 means being confused and unable to express what you're going through, especially for boys. So Dave decided to cut off contact with you for a time. He decided to deal with the situation like a 13 year old - that is to say, stupidly. But plenty of 18 year olds and 28 year olds have done the same!
Dave has never had a girlfriend, and he might be moving away, and he is probably a bit nervous about what a "relationship" would be like. And, like you thoughtfully noted, you're both very young. He doesn't know what to do about you, so he does nothing. He acts like a boyfriend some of the time, and ignores you some of the time. He makes no permanent decisions. He's just as confused as you, believe me.
No, you will not be able to forget about him. You were right to say you're obsessed with him, and there's nothing wrong with that. Whenever you have a strong crush at any age, it's natural to think about that person all the time. There is a movie out now called "He's Just Not That Into You." It looks like a terrible movie full of dating cliches for people much older than you. A lot of people will say, "if he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, he's just not that into you!" But that's not the case when you're a 13 year old boy. He may be really into you, but is so confused about the whole situation that he has no idea how to act. He's afraid of what his friends will say, and he's afraid of what a relationship might be like. On the other hand, it's possible he is just playing you, leading you along and testing the dating waters. You have to ask yourself which it is, and see if your girl friends can help you figure it out. I don't know Dave well enough to answer that question, but it's one of the two.
So, what should you do about Dave? First, you must confront him and tell him that you like him too much to be in relationship limbo. Tell him you'd like to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and that it hurts too much to be in this vague semi-relationship, because you really like him. Ask him to be totally honest with you. If he admits that he really does want to be your boyfriend, well, enjoy your relationship, but realize that you're very young and it will be a rocky road. If he says he doesn't want a girlfriend (like I'm thinking he will say), then you need to do what's right for you and detach from him. Even if this is not what you want to do, you have to. Don't ignore him, or spread rumors about him or any of that. Act like the mature one, and believe me you'll get a lot of respect and self confidence from it. You can be nice to him, but don't spend time alone with him. Believe me, it WILL suck and it WILL hurt A LOT. You will miss him. But, over time, the pain will go away, slowly. And you and Dave are young. Perhaps when you get a little older Dave will want to date you exclusively. But, if he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, don't wait around for him. If you act in a mature manner in dealing with Dave and your feelings, and stay strong for yourself, you'll have many friends and many dates in the years to come. Maybe Dave will one day be your boyfriend, and maybe he won't. But, I promise you, it will hurt a lot less someday.
If you liked my advice, please tell your friends and spread the word. And if you want feel free to continue to ask me questions, on this site or you can email me personally at areaadvicecolumnist at gmail dot com
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14/f. I've kind of always secretly wanted to learn how to play the piano. I've never played an instrument and I'm just kind of scared. I want to learn to play beautiful songs like Bella's Lullaby from Twilight and amazing songs like that. How long would it take me to actually be at that level? Considering that I'm a complete beginner who never played piano before? (link)
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First off, I'm new to this site. If you like my advice, please let your friends know about me and feel free to continue asking me questions in the future.
I understand where you're coming from, being scared to play an instrument. I played the trombone in the school band when I was 11 or 12. I was really bad, hated it, and gave it up. When I became really into music many years later and wanted to play the bass, my parents told me I had no musical talent and that I'd just give it up eventually. I have probably played my bass every day for the last 7 years, and I've become quite an accomplished musician, singer and performer. Why do I bring this up? Because I loved the music I was learning and writing when I first picked up the bass. And it sounds like you love beautiful piano music. No one is pushing you to pursue piano - it's something you seem to want all on your own. And because you love the music, and know the kind of music you want to play, you will become a good piano player. Maybe not the greatest of all time, but you'll be able to play "Bella's Lullaby" and songs of that caliber within a few years, and probably sooner. If you get lessons, or if you teach yourself, if you really love the music, that will motivate you to become a good player.
I can't say whether it will take you 2 months or 2 years to play at that level, or whether you'll be a decent player or the next Mozart, but I can assure with some work you will be able to play beautiful songs like "Bella's Lullaby." For piano, I'd suggest getting lessons at first. But make sure it's what you want to do - if your parents or teacher are putting pressure on you it will become a chore and not a joy. Make it all about yourself and the music you want to play.
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