I'm Abby, a 21-year-old college student with way too much time on her hands, thus resulting in my participation in sites like this. I'm currently a sophomore, and double majoring in Creative Writing and Psychology. My career goals are to make a living as a writer, and to work at Disney World. I have many random hobbies, such as reading, writing, listening to music, playing video games, watching anime, etc. I'm a huge nerd. I'm a tomboy, weird, and opinionated. I think that's about it.
As for this column, obviously it exists for me to give advice. I'm not the most qualified person in the world--I'll be the first person to admit that I've lived a rather sheltered life, and I'm not much of an expert on anything. (I'm one of those people who's read about everything, but hasn't actually experienced a damn thing.) But I like to think I've picked up at least a little bit of wisdom from the experiences I HAVE had, plus some knowledge from my endless curiosity. So if I can share that with somebody and help them out, then awesome, right?
Gender: Female
Location: Macon, Georgia
Member Since: December 30, 2006
Answers: 66
Last Update: January 7, 2010
Visitors: 5826
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I really don’t believe that posting this or any other problem on the net will REALLY help, cos either way, I’m gonna feel the same etc..
But I’m trying to do anything here, maybe ranting to strangers will help, I don’t know!
I don’t want any sympathy, I JUST WANT HELP. I’m sure you get a lot of posts like this here but please don’t give me cliche lines like ‘things will get better’ , ‘You’ll feel better in time’ or ‘You have people who care about you’ …..It will be a waste of your time.
If anyone does have any suggestions that genuinely will help, then I’d really appreciate that..
I am beyond the point of feeling bad…I’m just completely past it. I feel like RUBBISH absolute rubbish EVERY SINGLE DAY. I went through some crappy depressive periods as a teen,a ll of which I got over, but this is unbearable.
I think really bad thoughts, about just ending it, ending everything, which results in me feeling really selfish, and I feel horrible for even considering doing something like that to the few people who care about me…..I mean, I’ve even gone to the lengths of planning the whole thing out, where it would happen, how it would happen, what I’ll say to people I’ll leave behind. It’s gone to the extent that, anything I say, or things other people say, stick in my head and I think, ‘I wonder will they remember me saying this and see it as something more when I’m gone’ or people say something completely innocent and in my mind, there’s only one thing it can relate to, and that’s thinking about how I’ll finish myself off..
In one way I don’t want to be a coward and just give up on life and take the easy way out, when many people have it worse, but I honestly cannot help it, there are some days when I come SO close to doing something, I actually really genuinely scare myself. I don’t talk to other people, and I won’t. I’m not that kind of person, I know you’re probably gonna say ‘It will help to get it off your chest’, well, that’s why I’m doing it here. I cannot talk to people, even the people that I used to be absolute best friends with, I barely talk to anymore.
At that, even WHEN I talk to them (or anyone) I act really, really happy.. Like TOO happy, I just have too put it on so much cos I never, ever feel like talking to anyone, or participating in things that everyone else loves doing I just, I know it’s really sad, but this is something that I cannot help, despite trying for years… I’m always the one that laughs the loudest, and seems to be having the most fun, when I really have to just..stop myself from crying and really try and seem happy, when I feel like **** inside.
I don’t wanna go all depressive cliche here but I have to be as honest as I can so, sorry.
Every tiny thing pisses me off, and since I’m never happy and I fake being happy SO much, that every now and again I just snap and can’t pretend anymore and then everyone’s like, why are you sad, you’re always so happy…
I always pass it off as just ‘a bad mood’ or ‘one of those days’ and no one knows that I feel like this ALL THE TIME. Everything irritates me, I get angry at everything, I can barely stand ANYONE I know anymore, not even my family.
I just feel like I want to be away from everyone, and I feel almost jealous when someone else talks about their problems to me, cos I know I can never do that… I know that’s irrational …. but so is a lot of this.
I just feel crap, and I’m fed up of going through the extremes of faking to be really ecstatic every day, and then really, really depressed the rest of the time.
I genuinely feel like I can’t do it anymore.
I don’t fear for myself as much as I used to, there has been times (one in particular) where I really felt like I was going to end my life, I felt like I had to.
But I didn’t, I got over the absolute extreme of it, and back to feeling extremely glum every day, rather than suicidal.
But now and then, I feel it coming back. That feeling creeps back in sometimes, and I do things to take my mind off it but nothing does.
I’m safe for now, but I do know for a fact that someday, the one ending my own life will be me.
For now, I just needed to let this all out somewhere….You can judge all you want, it won’t bother me.
Thanks for reading all this, any of you that are and sorry it’s so long and probably going to put a downer on you all, but that’s what this place is for I guess..I also apologise if some of this is uncomprehendable, I kinda just typed whatever came to my mind so..
Another thing, this isn’t OVER anything, there isn’t any major events that may have triggered this, in the past few years I’ve gone through about six funerals, all of very close friends/ family, and I got through it. It isn’t because of that, or the fact that I don’t get on with some people. It’s not over some stupid guy that dumped me, like a lot of the posts I see here, I’m not that naive.. So don’t ask if there’s anything that could have triggered this, I’m just like this for no appearant reason, and have been for many, many years…It’s just, the last few months it’s gotten way, way worse to the point all the above is happening… I mean, today, I feel pretty down, but compared to what I usually feel, this is normal for me. I haven’t felt like going out, or talking to anyone, and this is one of the good days.
I’m fine right now, but I KNOW for an absolute fact that if I don’t do something, I’m gonna be back where I was a few weeks ago, planning my own end, thinking about how it will happen, thinking about how much I want it to happen.
I don’t want to be like that, I don’t WANT it to happen that way.
I can feel myself getting like that again sometimes, and I NEED to do something, before it gets too late, not to sound dramatic or anything, but that’s literally how it is. Please don't suggest going to the doctor or anything cos it isn't really an option for me, besides the fact that I'm not comfortable about going on medication so early in my life, I don't want to depend on drugs to stay happy for the rest of my life..
Anyway, I’ll leave it at that.. Thanks in advance for help.
Signed,
Desperate :’( (link)
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For the record, I completely understand how you feel. I've struggled with depression myself, as well as had many friends who have gone through it. And that's exactly what you're going through. You'd be surprised how many people have experienced it at one point or another--as well as how curable it is.
If you have a friend that you think won't judge you or tell you anything stupid like "just snap out of it" etc., then I really would recommend trying to talk to somebody about how you're feeling. You'd be amazed how supportive friends can be, and how much it can help knowing that they're there for you.
Even if you don't do that, you need to talk to someone about how you're feeling. A therapist, a counselor at school, someone like that. The way you've been feeling is fully fixable--you do NOT have to keep feeling this way. And it doesn't mean that you're weak or that there's anything wrong with you. You're a very strong, perfectly normal person--you just need some outside help right now to get you back on your feet, just like everyone else does. Nobody can always do everything by themselves. And getting treatment doesn't have to involve any kind of medication. There are numerous different types of therapy available, and if you find the right therapist for you, that alone can have you feeling so much better so quickly.
I recently had to call 911 for a friend who attempted suicide, because he was depressed and would not get treatment. So I personally am going to ask you, both for your own sake and for the sake of the people who love you, to get some kind of help for how you're feeling. If you had cancer, would you go to the doctor? Of course you would, because cancer is life-threatening. And so is depression. You shouldn't treat it any differently.
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heyy.. you'll probably see this question later on, but i wanted advice sooner.. what should i expect my first time having sex.. as far as the physical feeling, i know everyone is different but i want some kind of knowledge going into it. like things that could possibly go wrong, or things to do to make it better.. thanks in advance. (link)
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There's a really good guide to your first time having sex here:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/first_intercourse_101
As far as more specific advice, obviously it would help if I knew whether you're a guy or a girl. But in general, if you're a girl (or a guy and your partner is also a virgin), don't necessarily expect it to be easy going. It doesn't have to hurt unbearably if you're comfortable and use plenty of lube, but it may take several tries to feel pain-free and pleasurable, and it may even take several tries for him to get in. If it does, it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong or that there's anything wrong with you, so relax. As far as making it better, for both sexes, I think the most important things I could stress are comfort and lube. Lube makes things much easier, even after the first time, and makes condoms less likely to break, so it's really a win-win situation. And as far as comfort, what that means will vary hugely from person to person, but the important thing is that you be comfortable with what you're doing. That may mean doing it in a specific position, not doing it with a specific partner, using more than one method of birth control, or just waiting to have sex. Whatever you need to feel comfortable, do it. And I probably don't have to stress this, but just in case, make sure you have safe sex. Pregnancy isn't the only thing to worry about--you can still get an STI unless you use a condom, and some of them can be fatal.
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15/f
i recently had safe sex about a week ago and am expectin my period in about another week but for the past two days i've been getting this weird pinkish discharge. could i be pregnant? (link)
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It's really impossible to tell at this point. If you were using some form of birth control, odds are better than not than you're not pregnant, but it can still happen. The only way to be sure is to wait on your period, and if it's late, take a pregnancy test. If you're worried about your discharge, you should probably call your doctor and ask about it--strange discharge can be caused by a LOT of things.
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15/f
It's embarrassing to admit and I feel like a complete moron but I just learned that you're supposed to wear a condom while preforming oral sex on a guy. I've just started having sex and have gone down on the guy three times without protection and am freaking out. I never knew you were supposed wear a condom and somewhat assumed that it was only necessary during vaginal or anal sex. I never thought of oral and now, the more that I think about it, the more I feel like a complete idiot for not thinking of it earlier. I plan to use a condom from now on but am worried that I could have caught something? Also, would it be strange for me, now even after I've gone down on him three times without, to from now on ask him to put on a condom? And I know I probably sound completely naive but do most people use condoms while preforming oral because out of all the people I know who are sexually active, they've never said anything about it.
thanks. (link)
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Most people don't use condoms for oral, no. Personally, I find it very hard to do--I hate the taste of latex, and it makes me much likelier to gag (which is bad, since I have a terrible gag reflex to begin with).
With that said, however, you're really supposed to, because it IS possible to catch or give an STD from oral sex. If you're only doing it with one guy and you KNOW that you're both clean (get tested to be sure) and that you're the only one he's having any kind of sexual activity with, then it should be safe to do it without one. If you have multiple partners, don't know for sure that your partner(s) are healthy, and/or don't know for sure that you're your partner(s) only partner, you should use one. Better safe than sorry.
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my period ended about a week ago and my periods are normal (they come every 28 days, every month) i've had sex for the past two days and today i was bleeding a little.. could i be pregnant? or am i just being paranoid and it's too soon to be showing any signs of pregnancy? thank you in advance (link)
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It's definitely too soon to be showing signs of pregnancy, so that's not it. I'm not sure what COULD be causing your bleeding, though, so if it's a lot and/or you're worried about it, I'd recommend going to see a doctor about it. You may just be being paranoid, but better safe than sorry.
With that said, if you're worried about being pregnant, then I'm guessing you're either not using birth control, or not using enough for you to feel comfortable. Please, please do yourself a favor and don't have unprotected sex. Not only are you VERY likely to end up pregnant if you don't use protection, you're even MORE likely to end up with an STI, and some of them can be fatal. If nothing else, it's worth it because you'll be able to relax SO much more about your sex life, and won't have to worry about pregnancy scares like this.
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16/f
i know sometimes people get tiring of asking these types of questions.. but i have to know to relieve my mind. no, at the moment i don't have enough money to buy a pregnancy test. but my period is supposed to come between december 29 - janurary 5 because my period is pretty irregular and whenever my period last started and ended is where it's supposed to be between ever time i start. yes, me and my boyfriend did have sex, safe sex. we checked the condom during the sex, and after the sex, we also change it if it feels weird. i asked him a whole bunch of times if i was pregnant and if he was sure, he said he was 100% positive, and the stuff on him was from me.. but it's bothering me that my period still hasn't came yet. i may have gotten him scared too, but he still said he's 100% sure i'm not. is it probably my diet change would that still skip a month or something? (link)
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I wouldn't worry about it. You still have a few days before your period is actually even late, after all. And periods can be late--or sometimes we can skip a month entirely--for reasons other than pregnancy, like stress (which is sucky, because stressing out about whether or not you're pregnant can make you skip a period). As long as you used the condom correctly, it didn't tear or slip off, etc., then they're 98% effective, so...there's really not much of a pregnancy risk here.
With that said. Pregnancy tests are supposed to be effective shortly after you miss your period (not any time before--even if you had the money to get one, if you tested now, you could get a false negative). So IF it gets to the 5th (and I'd probably wait a few days afterward just to be sure, since you said your cycle is pretty irregular) and you still haven't gotten your period, save up your money and go buy a pregnancy test. It's the only way to be sure.
But I really wouldn't worry about that possibility too much. You used a condom and you still have a few days left before your period will even be late. Relax. =)
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ok so i just have a few questions about the plan B pill:
1) does it work the same even when you're not on birth control?
2) what is birth control failure?
3) how do you know birth control failure has occured?
4) if i don't have sex casually, (like, maybe three times every few months), and i'm not on the pill, would plan B still work for me?
thank you to anyone who can answer these for me! (link)
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1. Yes, it doesn't matter whether you're on birth control or not.
2. The definition of birth control failure depends on what type of birth control you're using. For condoms, it would mean that the condom broke, slipped off, etc. In general, it means that the birth control you're using has failed to prevent the chance of pregnancy. And any type of birth control can fail, although some are more likely to do so than others.
3. It's usually pretty easy to tell when you're using a condom. As mentioned, it'll break, slip off, etc. With other forms, like birth control pills, it's much harder to know that a failure has occurred.
4. Yes, it should work the same for you regardless of how often you have sex, what birth control you're using or not using, etc.
If you have any more questions about Plan B, this website has a lot of good info about it: http://ec.princeton.edu/pills/plan-b.html
For the record, you're best off not relying on Plan B and sticking to using a reliable method of birth control every time you have sex. You may already know that, but just a reminder. =)
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I'm 13, I have never had sex before and I'm not sure that I have ever even popped my cherry, just so you know.
One day I gave my boyfriend a hand job then he went in the bathroom and finished up. After he did that he washed his hands then came back and started fingering me. That month I got my period and it came on time but now I'm not feeling the greatest . And it's been like a month after that.
I was wondering could there be a chance that I'm pregnant ? someone please reply to this I'm freaking outttt. (link)
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You probably couldn't be pregnant anyway, because if he washed his hands after he finished there wouldn't have been any sperm on his hands. And since you got your period afterward, you're definitely not pregnant.
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Okay so I'm gonna be completley full out honest. I know how girls always say they think something is too big or small and apparently its normal but I really thing that the lips on my vagina are to big. Like I thought they should be pink and sometimes they are but other times they can be like a dark brown and I don't know why. I don't have sex and I never have. I'm 15 I'm 5'7 and I weigh 130 pounds. Its always been like that and yeah. Idk it really bothers me and I'm really insecure about it. Is there anyway to make them smaller ? Please helppp (link)
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I promise you, there's nothing wrong with your vagina. There's a LOT of girls that feel like their vaginal lips are too big--I used to be one of them--but it's perfectly normal. Vaginas come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. And if you're insecure because you're worried what a future partner might think about it, don't worry. Guys are nowhere near as picky about such things as we girls tend to think they are.
This site has a lot of info that might be comforting if you're concerned about such things: http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/clitoral_and_labial_size.htm
It DOES have explicit pictures of vaginas, so be forewarned. You might want to avoid it if that's going to make you uncomfortable. But it can be comforting to see some of what other women have, so you can realize how normal your own is. The same site also has a gallery elsewhere with a bunch of different pictures so you can see how much variety there really is in what's normal.
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My gf is worried because i was touching my penis and i know i didnt touch any juice on it but even if i did lets say if afterthat i fingered her and she is worried she might become pregnant after that? is that possible? (link)
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If you touched your penis and got semen on your hand and then fingered her, yes, she could be pregnant. It's not LIKELY--not as much as if you actually had unprotected intercourse--but it's definitely possible. If she ends up being late for her period, she should take a pregnancy test (you can't test before then and have an accurate answer). But chances are, if you know you didn't have any semen on your hand, you'll be fine.
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Help! I am 2 weeks late on my period.
I am never regular (and usually late) but this time especially, I am freaking out. I have not had sex since October, but I have done other things (in a safe manner) since my last period involving male body fluids. I am not on birth control.
In October, I had 2 periods and it was really weird. In November, I was on my period from around the 19th to the 24th. December has been super stressful for me because I have had college midterms and I found out my boyfriend of 2 years has cheated on me and I broke up with him.
Do you think I could be pregnant? Or what the chances are of becoming pregnant without having sex? I can't think of any reasons I could be pregnant. No fluids ever went inside of me.
Do you think it could have to do with doubling up on my period in October? Or the stress?
Exactly 1 year ago I had the same problem and skipped my December period all together.
I don't know what to think anymore and I'm very scared. (link)
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All things considered, you're probably not pregnant. If sperm hasn't come into contact with your vagina, then you can't be pregnant. As far as you being late on your period, since you've never been regular, I wouldn't worry about it TOO much. And it could definitely have something to do with how stressed out you've been. Stress can make you skip a period entirely. (And I'm very sorry to hear about your boyfriend, by the way. -hugs-)
With all that said, if you REALLY want to be sure so that you can stop freaking out, go buy a pregnancy test. You should be able to test now and get an accurate result. I really can't imagine that you would be pregnant, but if you go test, you'll know for sure and you won't have to stress out while you're waiting around for your period to come.
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Ok yes i know i could figure it out by having sex but like that seems to risky and i've been on the pill for a few months, like 6 or 7 months maybe more but the thing is i didnt start using it for having sex, it was for my skin. So i havent really been very punctual about it. Sometimes a few hours off and every rare once in awhile i miss a day and just take two the next day but that happens rarely. My period is extremely regular i get it on the exact same day every month, if that'll help. I just wanna know if its safe for me to have sex without a condom or is it too risky? (link)
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Is it safe, not necessarily. Regardless of how well-protected against pregnancy you are, you're only protected against STDs if you're using a condom. Unless both you and your partner have been tested and you know for sure that you're both STD-free, then no, having sex without a condom isn't safe.
As far as being protected against pregnancy, however, you should be okay. If you really want to be sure and avoid worrying about it, go ahead and use a condom anyway. A condom and birth control pills together are far more effective than either one alone, and greater effectiveness is never a bad thing.
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I'm lesbian. My girlfriend was fingering me and she tore my hymen. Does that mean that I'm not a virgin anymore? I'm 15 and I've never had sex with a guy...
I'm clueless!
Please help. (link)
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When it comes to things like this, it's all a matter of opinion. By the strictest definition of virginity, you are one, because you've never had a penis enter your vagina. But there are people who would definitely say you're not. It's basically up to you to decide whether or not you consider yourself a virgin.
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ok well i'm catholic but i masturbated and it feels really good even though feel uncomfortable i do it well cause i love the feeling should i stop? my friend doesn't know but we talked about it and she said people encourage it please help me cause i really like doing it (link)
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There are two kinds of people in the world: those who masturbate, and those who lie. In other words, everyone does it. I understand it's against your religion (and I myself am Christian), but I have to wonder why so many people act like God made the rest of the human body, but the devil was responsible for the genitals.
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It's true that you can't get pregnant when you have sex when you're on your period because your egg releases, right? Or no... ? Thanks! (link)
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Wrong. You can always get pregnant if you have unprotected sex, even if you're on your period at the time.
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