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Q: I've always been a very conservative girl when it comes to sex. I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend months ago & recently we broke up. He played games with me afterwards and me being lovestruck, gave in and we had sex. He broke it off again, then came crawling back and me being stupid, had sex with him again. I feel like a complete slut; he played me both times, and now I'm left with a bigger broken heart. I'm never that stupid, but something came over me and now I feel like he totally used me and I can't rid myself of this horrible feeling. I used to be a good girl with her head straight and now I'm so mad at myself. How can I get over this? (17/F)
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Oh, sweetie, you're not a slut, as the other advice givers said. You've only had sexual intercourse with one person whom you loved. In no way does that make you a 'slut.'
How CAN you get over this? By all means, continue to be conservative and selective. Of course you're still hurting - you feel ashamed at having given in to sexual intercourse when you didn't really want to - maybe you wanted affection, but not sex? Maybe you wanted closure on the relationship? Of course it hurts to know that someone you trusted and loved didn't treat you in the way you deserve. You're human, sweetie, we all make mistakes like this - I don't think you're unusual at all.
Don't let this experience sour you in relationships. Have fun, date, etc., but stay true to yourself and the boundaries you've set for yourself. Not all guys are like your ex-boyfriend. Really. They're not. If you don't want to have sex, don't. No guy will pressure you to have sex with him if he truly cares for you.
Hopefully,
Cavatica
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Q: how do you know when you like someone enough to actually have sex with them
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Hello,
Can you talk about your feelings with them? Have you discussed birth control options and what you would do if the young lady became pregnant? Can you spend time with them outside of having sex? Do you love the other person? Do you enjoy their company?
If you can't (or won't) say 'yes' to the above, why would you have sex with them? People don't often talk about the emotional ramifications afterwards - suppose you (or the other person) found someone else next week? Or if you received an STD? What would you do? Those things could all happen.
If you can say yes to the above and you're not feeling pressured to have sex, tread carefully anyhow. Make certain both of you want to share in this experience. Use condoms and don't be under the influence.
Gracefully,
Cavatica
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Q: I have had sex with girls before and I like it when I am doing it except I want to stop and when my friends that I do it with come over we say we wont but it seems we always do no matter what. HELP PLEASE I am a Christian and I dont know why I am doing it I feel bad after but then lust comes in my life please help me get rid of it. HELP me give ideas or anything cause right now I feel my lust coming back and my friends in the other room waiting for me I said I was checkin my mail help what do I do.....!!!!!!!!!! :(
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Greetings,
It's perfectly normal to feel lust, and it's also perfectly normal to masturbate.
Your guilty feelings may arise because you're not being true to yourself as a Christian. The guilt that you feel now is nothing compared to how you'd feel in nine months if one of these young ladies announces her pregnancy.
What's your rush to have full blown intercourse, anyway? Please remember during every sexual encounter, there's a chance of pregnancy or STD's (have you been tested?) even with the use of condoms (they break, sometimes).
Communicate your anxiety with these young women...if you can't talk to them about your feelings, what are you doing sleeping with them?
Honestly,
Cavatica
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Q: 17/f
ok. So I lost my viriginity today. We used a condom, and he's been tested so I know he's clean. When it happened it hurt a lot, but it's normal, right? I also didn't start bleeding until about an hour after it happened. It stopped, but my stomach still hurts.
So basically here's my question:
How long will it take until sex stops hurting?
I can def. see us doing it again in the future, maybe as soon as next week. Will it still hurt? I had fun anyway with the fooling around we did, but I'd like to enjoy it as much as he has, lol.
Thanks in advance!
-L
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Hello, L:
First of all, it's great that you thought about condoms.
It's not unusual to have sexual intercourse hurt and cause bleeding the first time.
When I first read your note, I thought that perhaps it hurts you because you weren't lubricated enough. Do you enjoy touching him? Do you enjoy his touching you? Do you enjoy giving/receiving oral sex? More often than not, those activities will create arousal and you'll be able to better enjoy intercourse.
Enjoy!
Cavatica
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bio
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Welcome to my advice column!
I am Cavatica, 35 years young, and live in New England.
My family and friends - God bless them! - consider me compassionate, caring, and empathetic. It took me many years to realize the importance of loving myself and being true to my beliefs and values.
As someone famous once said - *Act Worthy of Yourself.* Please do.
~ Cavatica
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Info
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Gender: Female Location: State of Chaos Occupation: Writer Age: 35 Member Since: December 1, 2006 Answers: 12 Last Update: April 23, 2009 Visitors: 3114
Main Categories:
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