Hello everyone. My name here on advicenators is Solcito. It's a nickname my ex-girlfriend gave me that basically means little sun. That's the only personal information I really want to give out. In the short time that I have inhabited this planet I feel that I have experienced enough to make good judgment in most situations. I've fallen in love, had my heart broken, been mugged, made and lost a ton of friends, lived in three continents and become fluent in two different languages. I just feel that it's important to let you know why I think I'm certified to answer your questions. I'm also a guy, so I know how men think. I'm not saying that there aren't a fair share of guys who have questions about girls. I just generally see more females asking about their love lives here than guys. Hope you like my advice, and good luck to everyone with their personal issues.
Gender: Male
Occupation: Student
Age: 19
Member Since: October 29, 2007
Answers: 58
Last Update: February 10, 2009
Visitors: 5578
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Work/School Relationships
View All
|
| |
i beg your pardon if this is too long
well, i'm 16 and my best friend is 16 and we're both girls. at the beginning of the year, she was this innocent girl. never cursing (perhaps because of her muslim religion) no boys (same), good grades, good writer. everything was fine. we got pretty close. I then noticed her apparent obsession with herself. how she would look in the mirror so attentively and stare at herself and go "i'm sooo gorgeous"..i dont have a problem with that but it did seem like she had a narcissistic problem. she grew cocky over the next couple of months and all of a sudden..this new version of my friend..more cockier, confident..badder..appears. and i dont like it. she begins neglecting school work to text and talk on the phone. detentions...she gains an interest in boys..and one particular guy ..which her muslim dad nearly finds out about. and i've been helping her so she doesn't sink. but that self-love has been SO FREAKING OBVIOUS. her arrogance is astonishing! in fact, we've remained good friends up till today. i'd print stuff out for her in school, i'd call her, console her when the guy dumped her..give her advice. generally, i was there for her. all of a sudden...she meets these group of people..and in less than one week, she's telling me how much she loves them and how theyre her best friends. and she ignores my texts, doesnt say hi..goes over to them. doesnt care about me anymore. i feel used, betrayed...like ive spent my time with her and helping her for nothing. but that apparent cockiness...bothers me. we got in a fight and she called me a dumb fucker. after all ive done with her. how am i to deal? thank you in advance. (link)
|
Friends drift apart. It's unfortunate, but it happens all the time. People change, and their friends don't always change with them. At this point you have basically just two choices.
Talk to her. At your age it usually seems "uncool" to express how you feel and explain what you think about the situation. However, I have grown to accept that no relationship, whether it be between a couple, friends, family, or coworkers, can be completely successful with a lack of communication. You can try and make her see the error of her ways, let her know her friendship is important to you and that you don't support the way she's acting. All you can do is hope for the best.
You could also just let her go. The unfortunate fact to about growing up is that the older you get, up to a certain point, the more temptation people face. You'll notice a lot of people starting to try drugs, have sex, and participate in other immoral and illegal behavior. If your friend is heading this way now, she probably won't turn back at least for a few years. Sometimes you realize that people you previously admired have become really ugly individuals. It hurts. It sucks. It's not fair, and you can really only move on and take it as a lesson as to how easy it is to be swayed by temptation. Keep your head up, try not to worry about it, and be proud of the fact that you still retain some moral dignity.
Good luck figuring this out.
|
|
ok so the other day I was hanging out with some mates. this girl i kinda like was with us and i was going to the shop and asked who wants to come with and every body said no but she wanted to come so we went off to the shop and we was talking and she told me one of her biggest secrets. so later we all went back to somebody's house my mate and his gf were kissing under the bed covers my other mate was laying down with another girl and i was on the pc now the girl i like was all alone just sitting there so i talked to her for a bit and my mate who was kissing his gf and my other mate kept saying you 2 go and have sex or some thing me and her are a little shy so we both ignored them. so this is where I need the help do you think my mates think i schould go out with her (i kinda like her) and if yes how do I do it cos were both kinda shy? (link)
| |
You have already addressed your own problem which is that you're shy. If you like the girl and your friends aren't openly telling you they don't like her then they probably don't have a problem with her. Be a little more open. Ask her out on a date. Go grab lunch, go for a walk, get some time for just you two away from your friends. I know that you're shy, but I promise you nothing bad will happen. She has already shown interest in hanging out with you, just give her the means in which to do it.
|
|
okay so im a freshman and just started high school. ill just start by saying i was pretty weird in like 4,5,6th grade and then made some friends in 7th and 8th grade was a great year. well now i want to make some new good friends, maybe even a new best friend. most people already have their groups established and i dont really know how to get into them. dont get me wrong ive become "friends" with new people but id like to be better friends soid know i would always have something to do on the weekends and you know stuff like that (link)
| |
High school can be a really great or really horrible time depending on how you approach it. The good thing is that there are typically more people than in middle school, so you are more likely to find someone like you. I can just tell you to try and find the people that you fit in with. I spent the first two and a half years of high school hanging out with jocks, going to keggers, and dating really cute preppy girls. Then one day I realized that wasn't me and started to hang out with people that were considered fairly nerdy. I loved my last year of high school, but hated the first few. Find your niche and you'll be fine. Just don't idealize any one click and determine your level of happiness by your relationship with members of that group.
|
So a few hours my friend asked me out and I said yes.
Except he and my best friend have never gotten along. That's all fine and stuff, and even he doesn't care I'm friends with her.
But she's getting really pissed off. In those short few hours she's been getting a bit narky with me, and she actually said to me when he goes overseas she wants him to find another another girl to be 'her problem'
I think she also may be jealous I found a guy and she hasn't.
What the HELL do I say to her to get her to pull her head out of her ass? (link)
| |
The fact that he's willing to live with the situation and she isn't is a clear sign that he's more mature than she is. Tell her that you want to be with him, and if she is your friend she should accept that. Also listen to her advice though. If she thinks all these negative things about him, ask yourself why? Does she have a point? Is it you being stubborn or her? Give me more information on him and on her, and I can help you more. Just don't let your friend potentially ruin a relationship, but also don't let her words fall on deaf ears, every now and then people really will be looking out for your best interests.
|
|