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Well here's what I've been debating with myself for the past couple of weeks:

This girl and I briefly were seeing each other last summer. We hung out at least once a week at the end of May through the middle of August last summer. When mid august came around she decided that she was not ready for a relationship so we decided to remain friends. We still hung out, probably about once a month August through November, but still kept in touch on a weekly basis through e-mail. She even hung out with my friends and I in October. The holidays rolled around, so we really couldn't hang out. We tried to get together a
couple of times, but things didn't work out. One day at the end of February I
sent her a text and asked if she wanted to hang out and catch up. I usually get a response back, so i figured it may have not gone through. So i sent her an e-mail asking if she had received it. She replied back a couple of days later and said that she did and was just really busy with work and other things. However out of the blue in the e-mail she also said "I don't
want to be anything more than friends" and ended the e-mail by saying that she
was going to hang out downtown in a couple of weeks and that i could join her and her friends of i wanted to. This really confused me since we already had this conversation back in August, so i replied back and told her that I wasn't looking for anything more than friends and i am sorry if i came off that way. She than responded back: "now that I am confident that we're friends, we should catch up, i didn't want to lead you on by texting you back or hanging out with you, we should catch up" I responded by telling her i didn't think that she was leading me on, and that the next time there's an issue that she should call me so we can talk it out. I haven't received a response since and this was at the end of February.

Now she did come off as a little vain, which surprised me. She's actually a
really sweet girl. The debate I've been having is whether or not to shoot her an e-mail and invite her to grab food, so we can talk or should i just
consider this a loss and move on? If i should e-mail, what should i say?

Thanks

Perhaps you did come off a little pushy, or at least she got that impression. It's apparent that she wants nothing more than friendship with you, and maybe she didn't believe you entirely when you said you agree with being just friends. It really depends on your true feelings for her, because when you are attracted to a girl, you're giving off a sort of a vibe. If a girl picks up on it and doesn't respond in a positive way, she often tries to avoid you, using all sorts of excuses.

Now you didn't really tell me how you feel about her, but it's obvious that you want to spend more time with her for one reason or another. It also seems that you're always the one who initiates most of the contact, so she must be on the avoidy side if she's rarely the one who tries to start anything with you. Something must sit unwell in your relationship, because you are definitely not on the same page.

She tells you that you're okay and can be friends, yet repeatedly avoids answering your letters. At the same time, you're trying to get in touch with her, even though it's obvious that she wants to hang out with you only on occasion or just to "catch up".

Perhaps some big misunderstanding is the reason for you guys not being able to sort your issues out. 'Cause, trust me, if one of you is clueless as to why your relationship is the way it is (strange or confusing), misunderstanding must be involved, on one or both sides.

Maybe, when you offered her to call you and have a serious talk every time there's an issue, it struck her as something too serious; maybe she doesn't believe you when you tell her you want to be just friends; or maybe she's got a boyfriend now, and he's not happy with you two being chummy and going out somewhere. In any case, you are clueless as to why she cut the communication chord, and whether you want to go there and find out is up to you.

If you still care about her (which you obviously do), you might consider contacting her either by email (but there's a risk of it going unanswered), or with a phone call. Either way, try to keep it light. You could tell her that you just realized that it's been quite a while since you were in touch, and since she didn't answer your last email, you were wondering if everything's all right.

If you want to invite her to go out with you somewhere, you better pick a place with an atmosphere that you know she finds comfortable. If you have any common friends, you could ask if she'd like to join you all to go somewhere.

Or you could do a small test.

Ask her if she'd like to go with you somewhere to grab some food, or would rather hang out in a mixed company (just please, use other wording) with people you both know and like. If she says that she'd prefer to go out when there's a small crowd around you two, I think it would be a strong indication that she is not entirely comfortable with you.

In any case, good luck.


Lyss.

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My best friend and I had the biggest fight we've ever had. She has a new boyfriend. I don't like him. So she's mad at me for "spoiling her happiness". Should I apologize to her, or wait for her to apologize???
I love her a lot. way more than is normal. I tend to get really attached. Help?

(Hi. I have edited my answer in the end, so I hope you don't mind.)

Spoiling anyone's happiness is initially a bad idea. Maybe you don't see why your friend likes this guy, but you will not understand it unless you'll look at him from her perspective, which may be not quite easy for you. Still, I don't think that jealousy is worth losing your best friend. You both might do a little apologizing, and it wouldn't kill you to start first. It's really silly to think that you are losing something, if you're the one who throws out the white flag. You will win if you'll make up with your friend, and make her understand that you respect her choices.

If you tend to get attached to people, maybe you should spend a little time alone, so you could become more familiar with the cause of your feelings towards other people. It could be useful to start realizing the difference between your desires and needs. You can't create a successful life, if it is based on weaknesses and attachment. It's a good thing that you have people to love, but don't forget that some of them may want to get more space to go on with their lives. If you want to make your own decisions, and do what your heart tells you to do, it is better to live a life of freedom and independency. You would hardly like to experience how it feels when someone's feelings and emotions always depend on you. So, if you care for your friend, let her be. I'm pretty sure that some day you might need her to do the same thing for you.

In your feedback you replied:

"I'm sorry, but I did make up with her, but SHE apologized first. I didn't really do ANYTHING worthy of her being such a bitch about it, and she understood that. Thanks for the advice, but its too late really. Also, I KNOW why I get attached. I love people very easily. I have the hugest capability to love, and the more people I have to love, the more there is to go around. Thanks for your advice, but I'm independent without being alone. I'm independent because I know that I have people who support me NO MATTER WHAT."

I am glad that you worked it out with your friend, although, you didn't mention that *she* acted like a bitch, and that it was a cause of a fight (lol). Anyway, I don't really know what is happening between two of you right now, but I hope her new boyfriend won't make you to go into the fights with each other. Just try to be more patient when it comes to him, especially since you know now how she may react if you'll tell her that you're still not happy about their relationship. But I wouldn't worry about that too much, since school boyfriends come and go, but real friendship usually lasts even after the school is over.

Oh, by the way, when I said that it is better to live a life freely and independently, I didn't meant without love; I meant without attachment. Like, when you feel gratitude for someone being a part of your life, but not a need, because feelings of need and gratitude are of a different vibration, and make totally different things occur in your life. Gratitude is an asking for more, and need is fear that you're going to lose it. That's why I think that it is more important to focus on the good that you have, than waste your energy on the fights that would eventually lead to another apology.

Well, that's pretty much all I wanted to say. Hope you and your friend will be getting along well.


Regards,

Lyssa.

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My best friend is very selfish and always takes advantage of me and i dont like it, and i have like no other friends anymore because i was always trying to please her (shes kinda high maintenence) and shes hard to talk to about this stuff because shell get all mad and defensive and wind up manipulating me to make me think that im the bad person, but really everyone tells me how shes bad and now she wants me to do drugs and get tattoos and other stuff that i dont think i wanna do... but i have no other friends..so what do i do.

You won't get very far if you're going to keep on following her orders and doing things she tells you to do. No one has a right to force you into doing something you dislike, and maybe she IS the reason why you don't have other friends after all. If you don't want to do tattoos and drugs, then don't. Maybe tattoo is not the worst thing in the world, but don't forget that it may be quite painful to make it, and if one day you'll want it gone, it would be painful (yes, again) to remove it. And drugs, by the way, are just naturally destructive. If your friend wants you to repeat every stupid step she makes, remind her that you can think for yourself, which, apparently, wasn't even considered in your relationship. I don't know if your friend is bad, selfish, or just lost, but try to explain to her that it is time for you to take responsibility for your own life, and if she still wants to be your friend, she has to stop trying to affect you, and force you to do something that's just plain stupid.

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