I love giving advice. Some of my advice has saved relationships, began new ones, and helped friendships. I'm willing to try and answer any question I can, using my own experiences and knowledge, as well as articles I read. Ask me anything! I earned my bachelors in Psychology in 2016. Feel free to ask me things! -Heather
Gender: Female
Location: Illinois, USA
Age: 25
Member Since: November 11, 2009
Answers: 70
Last Update: April 30, 2020
Visitors: 7821
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so im not exactly the most confident person ever but there is this guy in my D&D group who i wanna be friends with but idk how to approach him without it being weird cause all we ever talk about is D&D and i wanna get to know him better cause hes a really cool guy but im not sure how to and im a little shy when it comes to making new friends especially when i already know the person a bit but idk how to go up to them and to make matters worse hes my boyfriend and girlfriends (yes i am in a polyamorous relationship and yes all three of us are dating each other) friend and they all go to the same school so its hard for me since they have a better connection than i do so it makes me even more anxious about it. any advice would really help...... (link)
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Hi there! It's okay to be anxious about something like this. One thing that may help is breaking down the situation. "Why do I feel anxious?" is a broad start. You may be anxious of rejection, that the person will think you're weird if you start talking to him. If I was in that situation, I would think of the absolute worst thing that could happen, (which would probably be him saying "ugh, you're weird...why are you talking to me?"). Yes, the rejection may hurt, but ultimately it doesn't reflect on you as a person and there are so many other people that adore you! Best case scenario, you end up becoming good friends and laughing that you were ever nervous in the first place :)
I think you should go for it. Start talking about D&D, and then switch the topic to something objectively funny or see if he switches the topic!
Please let me know what you think and what you end up doing :)
-Holly
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So I know this girl and we both went to highschool together. I've always admired her and I wanted to be friends with her but I was always so shy and when she did talk to me I'd come off stand off ish because I felt self-conscious of myself. Over the years after high school I kept bumping into her at random public places but we never said hi or anything because I guess we were never that close. Anyways this year, my bf got into dentistry and surprisingly the girl also got into dental hygiene at the same school as my bf. So occasionally I would see her at events and stuff and the other night I was so drunk that I came up to her and hugged her .... Ive been feeling so embarrassed ever since and I can't help shake off the feeling that I came across weird. Unconsciously I feel like I'm trying to find ways to be her friend but I feel like I'm coming across weird and obsessed. It's like fate keeps bringing me and her together..is this weird? I feel self conscious. How can I stop feeling this obession of wanting to be her friend? (link)
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I know this was a year ago since I didn't have access to my account but I wanted to answer:
No, not weird at all! I wouldn't be weirded out by that and would welcome a new friend. There's no harm in wanting to get to know someone and feel a connection. I met one of my best friends by accidentally talking out loud about football players' asses and she overheard me and laughed! You just never know how something will blossom. Feel free to respond if you'd like :)
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Hello, this is kind of an awkward question. So me and my friend are in the 9th grade and we were doing homework in my room and she fell asleep on the bed. But her feet were sticking out, so her feet were on top of the desk and they happened to be right on my notebook. I didn't want to wake her up so I just kept working with her feet in my face lol, but her toes kept wiggling a lot so I got distracted and started playing around with them.
for example I pushed her toes a few times and they would start wiggling by themselves. Then I would hold her toes still to make them stop wiggling. so I did this whenever I wanted her toes to start wiggling lol. Then I turned on the radio to see what happens, and when I pushed her toes they start wiggling to the beat of the song. I thought it was really cute, so I made them follow my voice instructions too, for example I whispered "wiggle faster" while her toes were wiggling, and suddenly they started wiggling faster. and when I whispered "point your toes", she makes the tippy-toes like a ballet dancer. I think she was dreaming about dancing coz we both like to dance :P
Is it a normal thing for me to think her feet are cute, and to play with them this way? I haven't told her about this yet, coz I think it might sound awkward telling her that I kept her toes wiggling like nonstop while she was asleep. Thanx (link)
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First, normal is relative! I think you saw something humorous and decided to have fun with it. There are people out there who enjoy feet, and people who get paid to let people mess with their feet because it's a pretty widespread (sometimes even sexual) interest. I think what you did is innocent and funny, and not super weird at all. I mean her feet were on your desk, so it's not like you went over to her in bed and messed with them. If you do tell her, present it in a funny way as well. Like "So your feet were in my way on my desk, and you kept doing weird things with them in your sleep." She'll probably ask you what, and then you can explain! 😄
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So this is my story, (I tried to condense it at the end if you don’t want to read it all):
I’m kinda friends with this guy from school. (I’m a junior girl, he’s a senior.) He’s nice and friends with a lot of people. My problem is that I’ve kinda been friends with him for a while, and we’ve had our ups and downs, but now we’ve reached a plateau.
Once a week almost every week, I get together with some friends and he’s there too. Those days, I have so much fun with my friends and with him. However, the rest of the week, me and him act like strangers and avoid each other. It’s because of me.
You see, he’s really good friends with people who I hate and who hate me. I’m okay with that, he can be friends with whoever he wants. The thing is, whenever I try to talk to him, one of those people (they’re freshmen girls btw) comes up and sorta steals him away. Like, I’ll be talking to him and then one of them comes up and inserts themself into the conversation and steals his attention away and I curl up into shyness and they both leave and I feel crummy and embarrassed. He’s the kind of person who won’t say no to anyone. If it seems like I don’t want to talk (which I don’t when someone I don’t get along with is there) then he won’t try to talk to me. It sucks when I want to talk to him but he won’t tell the other person to hold on a moment. I’ve gotten so tired of this that I especially avoid him when those people are around.
I’m a pretty shy person and I see him so very little a day and those people are almost always there so we don’t communicate that much because I’m scared.
He knows that I have a problem with those people, but what kinda upsets me is that he doesn’t really care. In the past, multiple times, he’s told me he wants to be friends with me, but he doesn’t put any effort into it. I always start the conversation. He never puts any effort into making sure I’m comfortable.
The only time I can interact with him are those hangout-nights, when it’s just friends. Those times are so special to me because they were like a break from the struggles of life and after a tough week, I knew I had a chance to just have fun.
Recently, I’ve found out that he and a few of the friends from those nights have had their own hangout-nights with the people who I hate/hate me. They can do whatever they want to, I just get jealous that something so important to me is now something who those people can now get in on. It’s like I’ve found an island in the ocean but suddenly sharks grow legs and take over my island.
What I’m upset about is that those people get to see him every day and now also at their own hangout-nights while I only get to see him once a week at my own hangout-nights.
Despite the fact that we’ve been friends for a few years now, despite the fact that he’s always insisted we are friends, I get treated like I’m a once a week special.
I’ve become okay with this.
For a while, I was fine with that.
Now though, I’m wondering if it’s worth it.
Every day, I see him having fun with those people and they must be having fun if they want to have their own hangout-nights.
I want to be his friend, but if he enjoys them more, that’s fine. I don’t want to waste my time or his. I don’t want to make him choose between me or them.
It hurts seeing him always having fun with them and thinking that that could never be me and I know I’m just being jealous and selfish but recognizing that doesn’t make it hurt less.
My question is, should I keep up this once-a-week friendship or should I move on?
Should I suffer through the week for a reward of happiness, or should I forget about both?
Both choices will hurt. One hurts a lot but has some joy. One just hurts.
Hopefully, this will all end in May, after he graduates.
Any advice you can give me, whether it’s an answer, an alternate choice, or just things to consider, is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
(link)
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My honest opinion is: it isn't worth it. It's causing you to look at yourself negatively, and it seems like you've tried your best to remain friends and accomodate him even it it's uncomfortable for you. He does not appear to be trying to uphold the friendship with you or consider your feelings, so it might be best to distance yourself. Maybe once he graduates he will grow up and realize who his real friends are and get away from the freshman girls. It's possible that he liked the attention from them and didn't see or care how they made you feel. No matter what you do, just know that it's nothing you did, and that you've tried to be a good friend to him!
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Hey guys!
I need some serious help. This is kind of hard to explain but I will do my best. So there is a guy that I used to like but now has a gf. Lets just call him Smile for now. I do not like him anymore but because of a friend of mine, he still think that I still like him. He knew that I liked him by the way. So this friend of mine keeps asking Smiles for them to hang out but he doesnt want to and he thinks that I am the one telling her to ask him if they can hang out in attempt for me to be in their "hang out", if they do, so that I can get close to him(Smiles). Smile's girlfriend knows me some how and Smiles tells her everything and how he thinks that I am trying to get close to him and that has caused his girlfriend to hate me. I am a person that does not like conflict or drama and I want to let smile know that what ever my friends talks to him about or what she asks him, I dont have anything to do with it. I have told my friend to stop doing whatever that is causing smile to think the way that he thinks but she has refused. This is what I was planning to call and talk to smile about. Since we used to talk, I will call him and ask him how he has been and whatever and then say something like this...." I know that most of the things my friend talks to you about and asks you for makes you think that it has to do with me or I told her to ask you but it is not true. what ever she asks you is coming from her and not me." What else should I say or add? Please help. If this is too confusing please let me know a better way to contact you so that you get more details. (link)
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First, I'm sorry that you deal with that because of a friend. She might be doing it because it is a joke to her, but it's not fair that you've told her it is causing an issue and she continues to do it. It would be hard for you to reach out to Smile and his girlfriend now because of this, but I think what you were planning to say is pretty perfect. You can even make them stop and think by asking them if they have personally seen you exhibiting these actions to prove that it's only your friend stirring up trouble. Please keep me updated!
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Hey there, thanks for your advice. I felt much better. I was back at school and my friends are very nice and asked if I was ok. None of us brought the party thing up. But I still feel a bit uncomfortable. I really want to know why I wasn't invited but I'm not sure how to ask it without feeling as if I am being really petty. (link)
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If it really bothers you, then it might still be worth asking. I guess you just have to ask yourself if it would make you feel better to know (especially if it's something that isn't as bad as you thought) or not know. If it's a petty reason on their part, it's better to know how they are now instead of finding out later on. Again, please update me on what you end up doing, even if you take someone else's advice. I just want this to be cleared up for you :)
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Hey there.
I am nearly 14, and I have pretty decent friends at school. My group is pretty closely knitted and I always liked it.
My friends do invite me to events, and I've been to their houses and stuff a couple of times. But this weekend, I found out that they threw a party without me. I don't know what I've done wrong, and I don't know what to think of it. I thought they were my friends.
Please help. (link)
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Hi there,
I'm sorry that that happened to you. It's never fun to feel left out. Instead of feeling mad or sad about it, I would suggest asking those friends to hang out with you. If they want to hang out, 1.) they probably aren't mad at you, and 2.) you can ask them how the party was and if there was a reason you weren't invited. There might be an innocent reason. I know it's tough, but try to not let your emotions get the best of you. Self care is extremely important. The best possible thing to do is to talk it out with them to get the issue out there and resolved so you don't have to dwell on it. Best of luck, and feel free to follow up with me if anything else happens!
-Hollywood
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19/f
Hey. I'm just an ordinary girl at college, and well I have a lot on my mind. My roommate is never around and we don't get along really well. I have a lot on my mind regarding life, love, and struggles that I'm going through. The one thing I really want is just someone to really talk to about these things. I do consider myself social :) but none of my friends really help me out, or I just kinda feel like a burden to them and guilty for always coming to them for help. I guess I'm just asking for advice on how to find someone that I can talk to about personal things and not feel ashamed? Oh and I don't have a lot of money so I can't get a counselor or anything. Plus I think that would be awkward. (link)
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Well you can talk to me :P haha, just sayin'. But in all seriousness, I've found it very helpful to talk to people who share a common interest with me, such as theater and the arts. Once you get going on one topic, you will end up expanding to other things and becoming closer. I hope this helps somewhat, and if I think of anything else (or if you have more questions) my user's Hollywood22 :D
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does this work?
is it good?
is better then not haveing them at all?
can you get hurt?
how does it work? (link)
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This really doesn't work. I mean, you can go on casual dates without being exclusive or steady, but never friends with benefits. You can never go back to exactly the way things were. I did that once with a guy, and he still makes inuendos about what we used to do as a couple and still tries to kiss my forehead and stuff. It's just not right, and shouldn't be done. Do whatever you think, but it's not a good idea. Hope that helped a little :}
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16/f
There's this guy I've been friends for a long time,he's like a brother to me and we used to get along great.Now all he does is annoy me.He is boring and completely unlike he was before,but that doesn't bug me as much as what I'm about to say.He knows I don't like hearing what other people say about me(those who hate me) and that I don't care about it and he constantly keeps telling me that even though I couldn't care less...I usually just wait until he finishes,fake a laugh and move to another subject.Today,however,I really got mad and just turned my back on him,said bye and left.Could he be doing this on purpose?We've been best friends since childhood,I just don't know why he would do it...no matter how many times I tell him to stop bothering me with such nonsense he doesn't stop and continues telling me what others say.I just don't care and he doesn't get it... (link)
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Have you started liking other guys or have a boyfriend? He might secretly like you, and be a little jealous of somebody. Or maybe he knows a guy that talks nice about you all the time and likes you, and he doesn't like that. I'm not saying this is the definate reason, but it could be a suggestion. :) I hope this helped!
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long...sorry :(
I'm a brand new freshman in highschool.
over the summer i grew up and i (thought) i became way prettier, nicer, and more outgoing
lately, it seems like i'm a total FREAK. it seems like EVERYONE is making fun of me while i'm standing right there. every time im by myself in the hall or a class and i hear someone in a group of people laugh i get nervous and i just want to cry and try to make myself as invisible as possible.
i think it all started awhile ago with this little thing on facebook called honesty box (where you ask a question like "what do you really think of me?" and people can answer anonymously)and someone wrote "gross." and then we talked back and forth and basically they pretended they were my best friend (even though my actual best friend was with me while it was happening) and even though they didn't say anything actually insulting, (they would say things like "so, hows school?" and "i love you so much your too funny!") i could tell it was some girl making fun of me with one of her friends or something.
now i think that everybody thinks i'm a freak or something. i'm one of those people who TOTALLY over think things. but ive also picked up on people who are ACTUALLY talking about me while i'm right there...like pointing at me subtly and saying something to their friend or when a bunch of people all look at me (not very subtly) and then burst out laughing
the really weird thing is is that i have like two different people in me kind of...one is shy and quiet and awkward and just wants to break down crying from all the anxiety, and the other one is confident and happy and flirty. the second person comes out on the bus to and from school...thats where i get TONS of attention from everyone. there aren't really any wicked popular girls that the guys can talk to i guess, so they all joke with me and tell me im really good looking and stuff like that...and i always feel so happy. i just wish it was like that all the time.
i dont really have much of a question, this was more to get it all out there...
i guess my question is why would people make fun of me while at the same time im cool and beautiful on the bus? i just really don't understand it. and also what can i do to stop overthinking things? and how to NOT be made fun of like that? if youve got anything else feel free to say it..
and please dont hesitate to say what you really think because i need to know
thanks :) (link)
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This one kind of hits close to home for me. I got made fun of by a group of "plastics" in middle school because I was (and still am) happy and fun 24/7. They always wanted to knock me down because I was so outgoing and hyper all the time. I learned how to stand up for myself. The best advice i can give you is this: Mean girls and guys THRIVE on fear and making people upset. If you show them that poking fun doesn't phase you, they'll eventually move on to another victim! Hope all goes well!
Your friend, Hollywood(:
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So, recently have been having problems with some of my closest friends; one of which is my best friend of 3 years.
One of them, who is not as close, gets angry with me about nothing, then when I bring it up, he calls himself an idiot and tells me not to listen to him when he gets angry with me. But, it happens so often, I'm not sure what to think anymore.
Another is dating a close friend of mine. He spends a lot of time with my best friend, and once I caught them holding hands in a haunted house. He still hasn't broken up with my friend and insists that nothing is going on.
My best friend is always hanging out with another friend of mine and with my other friend's boyfriend. At a school Halloween dance she spent all of her time with another friend and barely looked me in the eye. I've been sick lately, though, and she called me yesterday to tell me that she hoped I felt better soon.
Please, someone help me. I've tried talking to them about it and it's not working. Thanks to any and all that give my plea for help any thought. (link)
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For the first friend, I'd say that for just a little while, give him some space. He might be going through something in his mind that no one really understands. He'll come around. :)
For friend number 2, I'd say to keep an I on him. The way you describe the haunted house issue, he seems like a player to me. Just be careful not to get too involved.
Finally, for your best friend, tell her that you feel like she's been avoiding you. If she says that nothings wrong, you can try one thing. Just be careful with this advice: you can try to give her the 'cold shoulder' bit. If she can't tell you anything, just show her how it feels to be ignored. She'll get the message(:
Hope this helps, and good luck!
Your new friend, Hollywood(:
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