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Q: I certainly feel as if I have run out of options. I don’t know the people I live with anymore. I am frustrated day by day in my own home. Yesterday, my mother tells me that I’ve been so apathetic lately, that it seems like I don’t care. She says, “You’re not happy.” Maybe, because of a lot of things that has happened lately, I can’t say I’m 100% happy. But, I’m not sad either. I just feel like I’ve lost control and I don’t know how to feel. If I get happy about something, somebody always finds a way to do or say something that tries to take away my happiness. If I’m sad, they just tell me I’m ungrateful and whining for no reason. I can’t ever do anything right.
I know that some of you have read my posts 1000 times. If you have read them and are tired of reading them, and cannot offer me any help other than criticism, please refrain from doing so, because I get enough of that. If you haven’t helped me, or have anything else to say, you are welcome to write here.
I was a pretty happy child growing up. I had a great relationship with my family. I didn’t live with my dad because my parents are divorced. But, I still had a good relationship with him, for the most part. He cared about my life. My mom was a little suffocating since I was her only thing in the world. But, other than that, she was like my best friend. I would tell her everything and she always seemed to be there for me.
When I first started college, I found out that I was adopted. A few months ago, my cousin, who was also like my brother, who was my closest friend, passed away from cancer. After that, my mom thinks it’s ok to act abusive. She claims that it’s because after he died, she’s never been the same and that she’s been through a lot in her life. But, it’s no excuse to be abusive. It’s almost like she’s going crazy. She starts screaming and throwing tantrums. She’s always telling me that I’m not good enough. Recently, I went on a trip with my boyfriend and we missed our transportation to get back (it was a bus, not a plane), and they were giving us credit to come back the next day. She told me beforehand “don’t you dare call me if you miss that bus!” So, I called my dad when I got stuck because I was scared, frightened, and nervous. I was also full of water park water and I longed to take a shower. I got bitten by ant, which I’m severely allergic to, and for a while, lost my eyesight and my tongue fell asleep. I also had a battery that was dying, so the only person I could think of calling was my dad. Because of this, my mom didn’t speak to me for days. Only when she was throwing things. My aunt came to me and grabbed me by the wrist, pulling my hair, and saying that I had to apologize to my mom for calling my dad. And my mom screaming: “you have no right to call your father.” Not only do I have a right to call my father, but I’m 21 years old, and I’ll do as I please. What my aunt did was assault.
I told my mom that I was going to move and she started to go crazy, threw herself on the floor and started pulling her hair and screaming “NO! NO! NO!” Then, she told me I couldn’t leave the house till I was married. Then, my grandmother promised me that once I graduate, she and my grandpa will buy me an apartment, which is in December. I just don’t believe anything they tell me anymore.
I use to want to be a psychology major since I was in the fourth grade. But, because of the problems I’ve had at home, I’ve never been able to study at home. It’s a vicious cycle. So, I didn’t do well on some pre-recs (mainly math and science). So, I decided to go for sociology because it seemed similar but a little easier. But, I feel like a failure. I really do. I feel like a failure to my family and to myself. I just want to graduate because I don’t want to be in this school anymore. I could always pursue another degree in psychology elsewhere. This school is getting too big and I just don’t want to be there anymore. There are plenty of university’s in my area. I really feel depressed because it’s too much to handle. I’ve been a good daughter, and don’t even question it for a moment. I’ve never done drugs, never come home drunk, get good grades, work, do a lot for school. In my spare time, I read the bible and go to church. Yet, she treats me like a criminal. I’m tired and I feel hopeless. She just lost her job. I thought that now, working, I’d finally be able to afford things for myself. But, now, she lost her job and asked me “will you help me with finances?” She uses my card for things and I see myself overdrawn sometimes, and I don’t know why.
I’m just tired. I feel helpless.
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First off all, your mom cannot prevent you from moving. At 21 you are of age, which means like you said, you can do as you please. Judging from your situation living in a different place than the woman that is abusing you, seems like your best bet. If you are worried about how you will afford an apartment, try to get a few roommates to help you out; in her last year of college, my cousin rented a big house with a few other girls, that is just a suggestion.
Also, if you cannot afford an apartment, is there a way that you could move in with your father? Or that you could inform him about what's going on at home, and have him help you with rent and you'll pay him back after college? I have no idea what your father's financial situation is like.
If your mom is still really adamant about you staying in her house, give her the ultimatum by informing her about how much stress she is causing you by being abusive and that either she finds a way to resolve this, by going to counseling, or you are going to move out of the house. Everyone goes through a rough time but that is no reason for your mom to treat you the way that she currently is treating you.
I hope that I was able to help!
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Q:
A lot of the time when socialising with people I don't know i can't make eye contact, i start shaking and i stutter when i speak. I'm really scared of what people will be thinking, and what they will think if they notice i'm nervous, i'm fine around family members i live with and the ones I know, but everybody else i'm really nervous around, it's not a phobia of going outside, it's just socialising.. I have family members that I'm not that close to that think I don't like them or I'm weird or something cause I dont say Hi to them. I have an uncle that asks my dad why I don't say Hi to him. I always get nervous cause I really don't know him and I am weird around people that aren't close to me. I want to have a normal conversation with my uncle but I always get nervous. A while ago I couldn't say Hi even though I wanted to. My uncle is always asking people why can't I speak to him. I'm not trying to be rude when I don't speak to people I just get nervous about what they are thinking about me. do you think i have Social anxiety disorder? what should i do? if i don't have Social anxiety disorder.. what do i have?
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I think that these are classic symptoms of social anxiety disorder.
This link discusses what social anxiety disorder is, and available treatment options: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001953/
You are also not the only one who has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, there are plenty of forums where you can talk to people who suffer from this disorder (and possibly get advice).: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/social-anxiety-disorder-forums/
I would also recommend that you go to therapy, in order to treat this disorder. I have no idea how old you are, but since you're not talking about work I assume that you're under the age of 18, either that or in college. Once you get into the working world you're going to have to communicate with co-workers, and you should have some idea how to battle your social anxiety disorder before you start at a job.
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Q: Our 16 girl wants to date a 20 year old man who dropped out of High School, doesn't have a job, lives with his mother and is not very intelligent. Our girl is in middle college and gets straight A's.
This all started 3 weeks ago. She lied about his age and the nature of the relationship. One week in we discovered the truth and decided that we had to intervene. After speaking with both of them about how it was not only an immoral, but possibly illegal relationship, he was quick to point out the legal age of consent in our state is 16. We told them to wait until she's 18. He seemed rather upset, so the next day I went to his social network page where he had posted the following:
"me plus you equals violence, creepin up behind you I'm stalking you silent, dressed in all black I'm the nighttime assailant, grab you by the neck and stab you with my nine inch, knife, quick like, I end lifes, no strife, i mean i need just one swipe, and then I wipe, your existence away, I'm the evil son, so let me in to play." I also found older posts of murdering people and my favorite" My penis is a weapon".
Though her mother was with me on keeping them from dating, she is now thinking supervised visits is a better option to divert a possible Romeo/Juliette scenario after we discovered that there were over 1400 texts between them in 9 days. Her thinking is the more time they spend together, the more likely the girl will be to discover that the price charming is really a toad. I think a forced separation is in order complete with GPS activated on her cell phone so we know where she is at all times (she has a car).
I am very saddened by all of this because I had a close relationship with her. I have spent a long time explaining why dating him is a terrible idea and that we are really looking out for her and trying to protect her. Since I was the person who told them to stop, I am now the worst person in America. I know after a period of time she will someday be able to appreciate what I am doing, but for now she thinks I am mean and stupid. It would be helpful to be able to give her reason's on why dating a 20 year old man is not a great idea since my reasons have not resonated with her.
I am totally stumped on what to do in this situation and welcome some new ideas.
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I agree with WingYang about what you should do in this situation. At 16 years old, you think that you know everything and unfortunately most could careless about what their parents have to say. She is at an age where she is rebelling, and if you tell her that she can't see him she will continue to see him behind his back.
The situation will only get worse, fighting about this with her will only strain her attitude towards you even more.
Back when my sister was 16 she started dating a guy, who was two years older than her, my parents weren't exactly big fans of his. However my dad knew that if he kept her away from him that she would eventually run away, Because of that he decided that the best way for her to realize what kind of a person he was, it took years but eventually she did. Hopefully your daughter is smarter than my sister was.
At age 26, ten years later, my sister regrets this relationship very much.
I do support the supervised visits idea at least until you get to know this guy a bit better, and know that he's not going to harm your daughter.
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Q: Well my mom is my best friend but sometimes she can be really mean and i don't know why. I mean it's been like this for quite a while, like over a month now, i mean she's 42 and maybe it's the hormones or something but she gets really irrated and she calls me names like patheic or loser, and i really hate when people call me names and when my mom does it it hurts tiwce as much i don't want our friendship to be ruined but i don't know what i should do i mean when ever i tell her to stop being mean she always yells at me saying that i'm the one being childish what should i do?
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Talk to her when she's not angry with you, ask here if there's anything personal going on with her life. I don't know what your mom's employment situation is, but in this current economy she could be really stressed out about losing her job and not being able to support you, herself, and the rest of the family.
Also, let her know that it hurts when she's calling you names and you would like for her to try to refrain from doing so. Let her know that you're here to listen but that you think that her calling you names is unacceptable, and hurts you quite a bit.
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Q: my womans daughter age 39 has caused me troble even with the law. i can contact her again legally in 3 days but i won't. some and most of the trouble is her drunkness and sexualness. i am weak and lust for her as well. however i think the lady wants me for keeps and takes extreme measures to get me. i think the lady wants me as a partner and willing to take me from her mom. she has failed in 13 years. i am 57 myself and our life styles are totally apart. i have a gut feeling i will hear from her. love to have sex with her but i want no trouble. advice any1 ?
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Do you want to lose your woman, you didn't state whether or not she's your wife or your girlfriend? Having sex with her daughter will definitely do that for you.
You've been with your wife or girlfriend for 13 years, wouldn't it be a shame to throw it all a way over this? I would tell the daughter that you are in love with her mother and have no desire to have sex with her anymore. You also have to practice self-control when you're around her. I know that men think with two heads, and one of them isn't very bright when they're horny... but keep everything in mind what this woman has done to you, and the effects that could happen in the long run.
I hope that I was able to help. I'm only 20, so I'm definitely old enough to be your daughter and you have obviously been through more relationships and life experiences than I have :).
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Q: Too day my birthday.I like everything so far(there is still the cake)and I'm so happy about everything
the gifts the time my family is spending with me.I just love everything! Every one is calling.But the people that I wanted to call or email me did not.They are the people that I writed about an "Did I make this happen". They are my 2 Aunts and my Uncle.
Not even mu Gard ma and Gard pa.
They are mad at my Mom but not at me( that I know of any way.What did I do to them?)
But because they are mad at my Mom should I not be mad at them for not calling or emailing me?(If this is what you are thinking my email IS working.And if it wasn't they have my sister cell, my Mom cell and the home phone.They have the numbers too)
Help I don't want to be mad when I shouldn't .
Thanks
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Why don't you confront your 2 aunts and your uncle about it? Maybe they forgot, maybe they're mad at your mom... just tell them that today was your birthday, they forgot and you're REALLY hurt.
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Info
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Member Since: December 9, 2010 Answers: 118 Last Update: July 7, 2015 Visitors: 8042
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