I'm here to help. I am always the one everyone comes to for advice. I understand people and especially relationships; I have studied them extensively. I have engaged in private study of psychology, human behavior and interpersonal relationships. I ran a room on AOL for years that had quite a large group of regulars. I have many "Best Answers" in Yahoo! Answers.
Please send me your questions regarding anything but most especially relationships, sex, children, animals and family. I'll do my best to help you resolve your problem.
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Website: PreciousPieces: Artwork & Such
E-mail: sindelle_h@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Washington D.C.
Occupation: student of human behavior
Age: 27
Member Since: September 1, 2007
Answers: 13
Last Update: September 3, 2007
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I've been playing soccer for the last 8 years. I've been on a select team for 5 or 6 years. My mom never supports me. She says I suck at soccer & I'm not aggressive & I'm the worst player in my city. It really hurts because I try so hard to show her that I actually have skills. All my friends say I'm one of the best players and they say I'm the best right wing they've ever met. And a lot of people don't make the select team, and I've made it every year. I've made it when people 2 years older than me haven't. So why does my mom say I'm horrible?
Oh yeah, and she says my sister is awesome at softball when her coach doesn't even know her name & it's only her second year and she can barely hit.
Ugh!! (link)
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There could be a lot of answers for this. Maybe she just wants you to always try your hardest. Maybe she thinks you are too conceited about your talent. Maybe she's jealous (yes, it happens). Maybe she's just picking on you. Are there other problems between you and your mom besides soccer? Sometimes in a family, there is a member who is referred to in psychology as "the identified victim." The term we would all be familiar with is probably "scapegoat." It is the person in the family who everyone blames for everything.
I had issues like this with my mother. She bought my sister school clothes and bought me nothing. She gave her money all the time and gave me nothing. Let her have her way and fought me at every turn. Let my sister have a lock on her door (even though she's the one who was always in trouble with the cops) and not me. You get the idea.
At the time, she would never admit that anything unfair was going on. Kept saying I was crazy, I was paranoid, I needed medication... Years later she finally admitted it, and never really gave me a real reason, other than I was "easier to deal with" than my sister.
I don't know the family dynamic in your family so I can't say if this applies to you. If it does, your whole family should get counseling. Soon.
If it doesn't, try pointing out your mom's behavior and ask her why she isn't more supportive. Tell her it'd be nice if you could feel like she was proud of you.
If she answers rudely or insultingly, let it go. Who cares what she thinks? If she isn't proud of you, that's her loss. Some people's approval you are never going to get and once that becomes apparent, you have to let it go. You don't need her approval. YOU know the truth. I know this isn't an easy thing to let go of, but if you need to you can in time. And you'll be happier.
Hope this helps!
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ok i put my best friend as front of a lie to save my own butt from my super extreme parents... i mean i wouldn't have done it if i knew they'd understand that i learned from my mistake... but they won't they will make sure i suffer (that includes removing all my college funds and giving it to my little brother). anyway... well i am 18/f .... and i went to a party with some friends in college... and i emailed my best frnd who's in a different college... the email got to my brother... he told ... and i sed it was a lie i made up to empress my best friend and none of it is true... (but she's not like that! she knws who i am better than they do!) anyway... so they freaked and sed she's bad influence and now i can't talk to her at all... (well they can't stop me) but she's not welcome at home anymore and my fam just don't look at her the same... although she is totally the opposite and she's even more decent than i am .... i am so mad at my rat brother.. coz he keeps snooping and using weired things like "keylogger"?!? anyway he's a different story...
i don't know what to do... she is really hurt that i did this but she totally gets why i had to (trust me she's not a doormat if she didn't like it she would have gone straight to my fam and told them the truth... its not that... she just knows how extreme my parents are... and why i am always at her house when we were in school). i know i sound mean... but i swear i wud have done the same for her! but when it comes to my fam ... i really can't stand up against a tyranny...
so how do i fix things without damaging things?? i mean i don't think what i've done was soooo bad. i learned my lesson... i was just tempted by this sudden taste of freedom... it just sounds that bad i swear. (to the parents who don't let me go to after school activities coz they worry i'll get raped)....
i really don't want her image to falter into the bad because of me and in the same time i don't want to loose my college opportunity.. i'm already giving up so many privileges after that incident (thats when they are convinced i hadn't done anything!) including going out and stuff... there is just this one thing i need to fix and i'll be alright until i am financially independent from them.... :S so what should i do?!?!?
don't say the truth it wont work.. i need a plot... a convincing plot.... (link)
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Well, you're right. The truth probably wouldn't work. Not now, anyway. Maybe you could have skated with it if you'd come clean earlier but now you've told too many lies. That's what happens when you lie, though, you know? Best reason I know of not to do it.
It seems like what you are really concerned with is the fact that your best friend isn't allowed around you anymore and that your family thinks she's a bad person, etc. You could possibly say you thought she'd be impressed because she's NOT like that, and usually neither are YOU, so you thought she'd think that you were being adventurous by going to a college party (which, as you've told the parents, was a lie), even though it was a lie. You know, like "Well, Mom, SHE'S so strait-laced and I'M so strait-laced that I figured she would think I was cool or something, since I did something so off the wall that she would never even think of doing. It was stupid and I'm sorry!" Like that.
Honestly, there really is no good answer for this. A plot is not going to work for this one. There's really no way to explain it, other than possibly what I said above. Your brother busted you out cold. And by the way, what he did is a real invasion of privacy. You should make a bigger deal about that. He has no right to go into your stuff like that, whether you were doing anything wrong or not.
Hope this helps!
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