about

Hi I'm Chandler!

Among my group of friends I'm often referred to as the 'agony aunt' and to be honest I don't think there's anything between us all that we haven't had to deal with! So now I'm hear to help you! Ill always tell you what I really think - like it or not!!, ill talk about anything and don't mind getting personal but most important I really do care!

So whatever it is... Talk to me!

_________________

'He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.'

advice

My ex-boyfriend of more than 3 years really isn't sure he wants to be involved in our unborn daughters life [due nov. 4th]...i really wish he would be because i would hate for her to miss out on anything like this...i want her to have a father...even if he and i are not together...i really need advice on what to do and tell him to convince him that being involved in her life is the right thing to do and that we need to think of our daughter regarless or our situation...we've talked about this extensively but he is still unsure...i really want my daughter to have her father...please what can i do??? help....

Hi,
Well it amazes me that men like him have the audacity to assume they should have the luxury of being able to make that choice. You as the mother do not have that luxury and he is equally responsible for the conception of this child as you are!

Unfortunately however no one can force him to take any interest in your daughters life but what I would say is this: I think you overestimate how useful this mans involvement would be - to be blunt so far all he has done has shown himself to be a complete moron and secondly you underestimate how well you can do bringing this child up without his help. I don't for one moment disagree with you that in an ideal world a Childs biological farther will be there to bring up his child but it sounds to me as if you have exhausted all efforts and now the balls in his court.

If he does decide he does not want to play a part in your daughters life now, at some point in the future when she is older (and he is older and hopefully wiser) he may well wish to make-amends - and then will come the day he has to look his own child in the eye and explain why he abandoned her, why he was uninterested in her - meanwhile you'll be able to look her in the eye and you and she will both know you've always been there to hold her, protect her and love her and not for a second did you ever question if you 'wanted to be part of her life or not'!

Your ex-boyfriend is a disgrace and a yellow livered coward and as for you - your going to be a fantastic mom!

The very best of luck now and for the future, take care of your-self and your doughter.
Best wishes
Chandler
XXXX


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Okay so shhes been trying to be nice today
but its not that easy
i mean she always does this
she flips out really bad
and then the next day she realizes it
then acts like im gonna forget about it
i dont think she gets how it affects me
it totally brings my mood down by a lot
all ive done today is be on the computer
i had people who wanted to hang out but i told them i couldnt
ehh idk just thought id tell you what happened after i asked for help yesterday :] thhankss!

Hi again,

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your question! The paten of behaviour you describe your mom as showing is common - they flip out, go mad, go totally berserk then calm down and then feel guilty and as you say make a real effort to be nice. But this niceness is really (as you know only too well) just the calm before the storm - before the next time they flip out. People who behave in this irrational and volatile way need help - professional help to allow then to break that cycle, that vicious circle and learn to control their feelings and emotions. Would it be wise to try and talk to your mom and explain things from your point of view while she is in a happier mood or would the conversation just make her angry? if you think it would help then give it a try - but like I said last time you cant put up with having to live like this and you need to make certain others, who can help know whats going on! Keep keeping me up to date and remember the most important people who will help you through this are your friends!

Love n hugs!!

Chandler
xxxxxx

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well me and my mom we have our moments where we dont get along very well
i really dont like her that much, well at all and i dont want to live here anymore
so she yells at me for stupid things
so she was jokingly going to hit me right
but then i grabbed her armm and twisted it. ok i want to emphasize jokingly.
so then 5 minutes later i jokingly slapped her face but i barely touched her at all! she flipped out and was like IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN YOUR GONNA REGRET IT. then i was like umm no i wont regret it or somethhing i dont remember but i guess it made her mad bc she punched me rly hard and it like broke my thumb or something...idk but it really hurts so i punched her back but not as bad and shhe just did it again to me
shes not always liek this its just sometimes lately
i dont know what to do
SHHES NOT ABUSIVE, just to point that out
i just dont know what to do
my life has really gone down the drain
the guy i like is an asshole and he will never like me again. well hes really nice but it just seems like hhe doesnt care. and friends are really shallow now a days...
eh i like this other guys kind of but it wont go anywhere and i just dont knwo what to do at all with anythhing. i basically need advice on everything in my life.

it seems like the only thing i really have in life is myself, i love myself because its pretty much all ive got
eh i want to get out of my house
what should i do before it gets worse?
i cant take this anymore.
ps. im 14 & a girl



im really sorry its soo long but i have a lot of problems in my life right now :[

Hi hun, The last thing I want to do is upset you but I am going to be totally honest with you - you say your mom is not abusive, well I would consider any parent who punches their daughter "really hard" to be abusive! Its fantastic you've got self-respect and you come across as an incredibly strong person but you can't be expected to live like this and you defiantly can't bottle all this up any try and deal with it alone! Its good that you've come to this site to ask for advice but you really do need to talk to someone face to face who is in a position to help and do something about it! Also its times like this when you really need your friends - talk to then and let then know what's happening and your true friends will be there for you. Keep me informed and let me know what's happening! stay strong - you can do it!

Chan
xxx

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