HighlandAmy's advice column | HighlandAmy's Advice About Etiquette

askHighlandAmy

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I am a pepper fiend. I put pepper on practically everything but sweets. My question is, could that be misconstrued as an insult?

My brother's girlfriend kindly made dinner for our family for the first time, a few weeks back. Chicken. Of course, I went nuts with the pepper shaker. The way she looked at me really hurt my feelings. I don't think she purposely shot me down. I think she was just more in shock that I had the nerve to do that. She eats dinner with us everynight, though. She knows my routine. It's nothing new. I still felt like a jerk. I didn't say anything then, but I probably should have. Now it's too late, and I would just like to gather multiple opinions for future reference. I'd hate to unintentionally put somebody (who so generously devoted their time and effort to please me) down.

So if you worked all day to prepare a meal for your guests (even family) and someone were to pepper the hell out of it, would you take offense?

A good rule of thumb is to always taste your food before adding any seasoning to it.
Even if you know that you love pepper, and that everything is better with lots of it... it's just polite to the chef to at least try what they have made for you before changing the taste of it.

Q: Sorry about the catergory. I have an oratory contest this weekend, Sunday. The woman in charge told me that it is not neccessary, but would greatly improve my score if I had my speech memorized. I have already submitted my speech, and it falls into their time limits - five to seven minutes.

So how can I prepare for this. I don't think I'll have too much trouble with memorizing the three pages. What would be the best way to memorize it or learn it. I need to stick to the speech if I did memorize it - so that would mean keep my ideas in order.

Also, I'm afraid that when it comes to actually speaking, I'll get stage fright (heart stomping out of your chest feeling). That always messes me up. Any ideas or suggestions? Things to remember for when I practice? How to practice? Thanks a lot - will rate.

Memorizing your Speech: A trick I learned in my Speech and Drama class was to
read
read over
read over your
read over your lines
read over your lines one
read over your lines one word
read over your lines one word at
read over your lines one word at a
read over your lines one word at a time.
It never fails.
~
Practicing: Always infront of a mirror, or an audience (even if it's just your dog.) If your audience is human you can get feed back from them, if it's the dog, at least you will have gone through the speech with someone watching.
~
Besting Stage Fright: KNOW YOUR SPEECH. Seriously, being completely comfortable with the material before you go on is a MUST. When your up there - remember to breathe (deep breaths will help you stay calm,) relax, and smile :)

Good Luck!

Q: i'd like to know if it is wrong to donate your eggs/semen to couples who cannot copulate in exchange for money. There are constanly ads for this sort of thing and i'm broke. my boyfriend thinks it's horrible that i would want to give my not-yet-concieved child away, but if it provides me enough cash to stay in school, pay rent, and get to work on public transit I can't see how it is so wrong if i screen the people to give it to. i don't want to do the wrong thing to make money, i just naturally see it as helping people, nt selling a baby. please help?

First of all, weather or not to donate/sell your genetic material is a very personal choice. You are the only person who can decide weather it is right or wrong for you. Inquire within.
I would highly recommend reaserching the egg harvesting process before deciding either way as it is more involved than sperm donation.
Enabling a couple who otherwise could not, to have a child is a wonderful and precious gift, but only if it feels right to you.

Good Luck!

ps - the word 'copulate' refers to the act of sexual intercourse. I think you mean 'conceive.'

Q: What is the maximum time limit to be in the tanning beds? If i go tanning for 15 minutes every day, how long will it take for me to get bronzed? (my skin is pale) When you get the spray on tan, do the people spray you or does a machine do it??

WHOA NELLY!!! Listen to me my fair-skined-sister ~ DO NOT GO INTO A TANNING BED FOR 15 MIN! You will come out burnt to a purple crisp! We light skined ladies should generally begin our tanning treatments with 5 min sessions 3 times a week (with at LEAST one day between tannings.) If two days after you go you are NOT AT ALL pink, then it's okay to go again.
After two weeks of 5 min tanning, you can up it to 8 min (still following the "No tanning if you are pink" rule), and the next week up to 12, then 15. Once you have reached your desired level borzed-godesshood weekly treatments of 15-20 min should be all you need.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to protect your eyes while you are in a tanning bed. GOOD GOGGLES ARE A MUST!!!

Good Luck!

Q: What should I say to my boyfriend that just got fired from a job he was in only 2 week? There was other people fired as well, I don't think it was him. I said that must be the most frustrating thing to go through, but other than keep saying that (or I'm sorry, which I heard guys hate to hear) What do I say???

I say, tell him the same sort of things you would want to hear if the roles were reversed.
Being canned is totally lame and can make you feel like a big loser. Just let him know that you know he must feel bad about it, but that his being let go after only two weeks (along with the others) cannot possibly be a reflection on him, being that they barely got to know him! Tell him he deserves to be treated better than that by his employer and encourage him to find another job quickly (being unemployed can really put a person in a funk!)

Hope that helps!

Q: I'm currently expecting my first child and my due date is fast approaching. I recently told my husband that I'm hurt that no one has offered to throw a baby shower even though everyone around us (family, friends, coworkers, church members) knows that we are expecting. He said that I should throw a baby shower for myself. I'm afraid that it would be a breach of etiquette and come across as greedy. With our current financial situation, the gifts would be helpful, but I want the shower more for the companionship and celebration that comes with it.
1) Would you consider it greedy if someone were to invite you to a baby shower they were throwing for themself?
2) What would you do in this situation?

Formal etiquette clearly states that anyone who is related to you should not throw the shower as that would look like the family was asking for gifts. That being said, you can NOT throw yourself a baby shower! That is worse than your family throwing it. Not only would I think it was 'greedy' but it is an etiquette faux pas as well.
~
Why don't you talk to a close friend, and tell her how you are feeling, and that no one has started planning your shower? I'm almost certain the reason no one has thrown you a shower is because they all think someone else is doing it. Your friends, family, coworkers and church members are probably all sitting around wondering when their invitaions to said shower will arrive, instead of taking the initiative and planning the shower themselves.

Best of luck, and congratulations!

bio

I'm totally Rad! I have lots of sage advice and words of wisdom to offer the world. For more info please visit my home page HighlandAmy.com, or my blog Blog.HighlandAmy.com