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My 63 year old dad was recently diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer’s. My family dynamic is not exactly easy to mobilize to help with the long haul we’re in for. I don’t live in the same state & my sister (who does) hasn’t been much help (outside of directions ive tried to put in place from time-time).
Making matters worse is my dads 20 year girlfriend. They own a house together and are technically in a legal “domestic partnership”). She has never been very supportive in any matter, let alone something like this. She still works and travels almost half the month for business leaving him at home for 2-3 days at a clip. All the while interacting with every man on social media when out of town. If you saw her FB, you wouldn’t even know he she is with anyone. No pictures of them. No check-ins, likes. They’re barely friends.
They have never really been too in love...more like convenient partners after each of their first divorces. We’ve begged him to leave her several times (prior to the his health concerns) to no avail. Even when we see the frustration & depression sinking in through the years. He does not want to be alone (which i fully understand).
My sister has always said they’d take care of him, have him live with them if ever needed but he has always been a stubborn one & would never agree.
Neither my sister or my dad’s gf have helped with the doctors, appointments, paperwork...
My father is getting worse. Is on medication (when he remembers to take it) and conversations are slowly becoming harder and harder with everyone.
I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I’m the only one that can diffuse the situation & lead things on the right path. It’s pretty impossible for me to move back home & every time i start the ball rolling with everyone, it always gets dropped and nothing progresses. It pretty much digresses every time and i have to start all over. My dad has alienated his friends and family over the years. Mostly because of the girlfriend. She always finds a way to piss them off one-by-one until they eventually stopped coming around completely.
He is on disability (gets something each month to live), has an ok (not exceptional) amount of money in savings, retirement plans that he can use (but hasn’t drawn from).
The main problem is the girlfriend. If we forced her out, it would lead a path for destruction. First, my father would be devastated if she ever left. They own a house together. Believes that he is and has always been in love with her. I’ve tried talking to the girlfriend, leveling with her, but she plays doe-eyed deer every time. Promising to help & take the lead, but never does. I’ve asked if nothing else if she could make sure medication is being taken & i still have no confirmation ever. She wouldn’t even take a morning off of work to drive him to a doctors appt & is completely manipulative. To her and pretty much everyone.
By not helping at all, she’s endangering my father every day. I’m trying to stay positive as much as possible, but the appearance is that she’s content with things this way. Uses it to her advantage some times, manipulating him by claiming she said or done things that i know 100% are inaccurate. She’s always been like this. And now it’s frightening to think she could be using it to her advantage every waking minute of the day because he won’t be remember most of it anyhow.
Should i be taking any preliminary legal actions at the moment (he refuses to sign a will by the way) in order to prepare for a fall-out with the girlfriend?
Should i hire a private detective to watch the girlfriend in case there is a domestic partnership battle over anything?
Has anyone had an experience like this with a difficult loved one & a manipulative spouse/partner?
Any advice at all would be sincerely appreciated! Thank you. (link)
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Have faith in your family. If you want to, pray. Just do what you can to help. And if it makes you feel better you can hire a private detective. I know what your going through if you need to talk you can always message me. Don't give up.
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23/f
I'm not really sure how to express myself right now I just want to vent to someone to listen. I come from a loving family and could get whatever I possibly wanted. But I sometimes feel so sad that I am going no where in life I always feel everything is my fault. I care about people before i care about myself. I would kill myself to save another person. Growing up I can remember this would happen and I think it is getting worse. Whenever I do something wrong and I make someone angry I start hurting myself when I get in a fight with my boyfriend I start punching myself and pinching my arm I slap myself across the face and I tell myself how useless I am and how my mother should have never had me. Is this normal? I don't know if I want to express my feelings to my family about this. I don't want to be put into a physc place and I feel like if I say something people are going to think I'm dramatic. I just needed someone to vent to about this. No one knows about these. I often think about cutting myself but I don't think I have the courage to take something and cut myself with it. What's wrong with me? (link)
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You may have bipolar disorder. This is not a horrible thing. My best friend has it. Just don't end your life when you have so much too live for. Killing yourself wont help anyone! Suicide is a chain. If you do it, despair might cause someone else to do it.
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When I was around the age of 10 I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, but I'd say I've had it all my life. Every year it got worse, when I was 12 I had my first panic attack and ever since I've had them badly. I am now 16 and I can't leave the house because of my anxiety and panic attacks. I just feel so alone and hopeless and I don't know what to do, I was wondering if anyone had any tips or advice for how to get through anxiety. Thanks in advance!! (link)
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I had my first panic attack when I was ten. I was holding back all my emotions. I needed to just let go. This is what helps me with panic attacks:
1. Count to ten as you imagine all your problems fading away.
2. Close your eyes and pretend that you have a force field around you.
3. Think of all of your problems flaws.
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I have one of the worst cases of chronic generalized anxiety disorder. I am not able to drive or work no matter how desperately I want to. And my family and my psychiatrist has admitted to that as well.
I'm falling more into clinical depression by the day, because I'm stuck at home all day. I feel meaningless and worthless.
I just want to help people somehow. Make them happy. That's all I've ever wanted to do. But I don't know what I can do since I can't concentrate or focus because of how horrid my depression is (which makes me seem "slow in the head" to people).
What can I do, please? (link)
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It is not your fault. I have been diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome since I was five. For most of my life I felt like life wasn't worth living. People will always see things differently but it doesn't mean that you are what they see. You are what you see. You are not a mistake. You have a purpose. Depression does not define us. We define it.
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17/female/south africa
I'm not sure how to ask this question because I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking. How do you know if you have body dysmorphic? I've always had very bad body image problems even when I was underweight many years ago. And it leads to me wanting to become bulimic and I haven't yet but it's on my mind constantly and everytime I see food. And I've also been thinking I may be depressed. 5 years ago when I was 13 I self harmed and was depressed. I had gone through sexual abuse as a child until I was 13 and I did modeling from age 2 until 14. I just feel like there is something off with me or that I have some disorder such as bipolar, depression something. I can never fall asleep - currently it's 3:15am and everyone's sleeping and I'm listening to demi lovato dancing. I get irritable easily lately and I feel withdrawn from family. I'm always tired in the day with headaches. I have really bad anxiety but I always have stress and anxiety. I have really bad paranoia lately like I get so stressed out getting in a car or going into a shop because I can feel that I'm gonna get in a accident or something bad will happen. I don't know what it is or what I have but I really feel I have something. I don't wanna say anything to my parents and I can't go see a counselor because they are expensive, I can't get to one on my own, and I can't go to my school counselor because I'm running for prefect and can't be seen as unstable. If anyone can just help give me some idea of whats happening to me.
The only grown up I feel like I can talk to is my teacher but she left my school to Europe a year ago and we do still keep in contact and she has helped me through a lot and I trust her but I don't want to annoy her with my problems and Im not sure if I should message her? (link)
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If you have a disorder you should be proud. These are the thing that make you you. No matter what has happened in your past. Talk to your teacher. She will probably feel really special that she was the one that you trusted. Stand above it all.
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