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LindascounselE-mail:
Lindascounsel@yahoo.comGender:
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North CarolinaMember Since:
March 14, 2005Answers:
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Hi! I'm Linda. I would love to try to help you with advice about love and life. I can also try to help with Health: Mental issues in particular. However, you can ask me anything. I believe in the value of honesty and I will do my best to be ethical, fair and genuine. xoxoxoxo
advice
just tell me how to end my life..
You don't say how old you are... but you obviously are going through some very difficult and trying times right now. I did read some of the answers sent to you, and I do believe you can get some beneficial help by calling the suicide hotline.
I lost my husband unexpectedly in May of 2011 and thought it was the end of me. Life literally brought me to my knees and I really didn't know how to deal with it.
What helped me was having the courage to ask for help from friends and family. Sometimes it's so hard to ask for help but trust me, any support system you have would be happy to help you if you were to just open up a little. It doesn't have to be scary, you just have to dig a bit deep into yourself and be strong enough to ask for help.
You may not be spiritual, or maybe you are, I don't know... but I promise you, there is a purpose for you on this earth and it's not really fair if you don't give it a fair shot. It's not your time to go and certainly not your time by your own hand. Please write me back if you need to talk to someone. I very much want to help you.
All right, I'm a relatively healthy (physically and mentally, I hope) young woman. I've never been intimate with a man. However, I've realized more and more that violence turns me on. For instance, when I see rape on TV or in a movie, I feel myself becoming aroused. When I fantasize, I always have these dark fantasies where a man is hurting me and forcing himself on me. It's not like I don't appreciate or crave romance - I do! Why am I having these thoughts though? I don't want to be hurt or violated or anything, but it just turns me on. Is it all right? Would a man be freaked out if I shared this with him? Would he take advantage of me? I've always thought I was a "good girl".
Dear good girl,
I believe your answer may be in your last sentence. You said you've always thought of yourself as a good girl. Fantasies are only that. They are fantasies. And with all the violence and the whole "bad boys" theme, we're all getting kind of desensitized to stuff like this. It doesn't mean you wouldn't be terrified out of your mind if something like this were to ever happen to you. (God forbid) However, when we're younger, it seems to add to the excitement of life, to the options we have and to the feeling of rebelliousness and freedom that we crave. You are having these fantasies because it fills a need in you. I will tell you though, after you have been hurt (I'm talking emotionally and hopefully not physically) by a number of bad boys, as you get older, you will see that the excitement of violence doesn't even begin to come close to the stability of a caring, loving, honest relationship. Experiment safely and don't put yourself in situations that could turn on a dime. Try to keep your fantasies safe from others that may have the power to hurt you. And then do some self-reflection on a regular basis to see where you stand in your opinions of the violence. It might also be a good idea to talk over your feelings with someone who is of the same sex, and who likes you and wants to help you and listen to you, someone that you sincerely trust. We all go through certain phases in life, whether they are good for us or bad for us. Just become more aware of the need that it is filling and if you are concerned about your feelings, try to find some other way to fill this need. Good luck.
Ive been having like really low self esteme issues for like the past year or so... ive done so much physical harm to myself but i know its not right.. but i keep doing it cuz its like an addiction.. in the past year my best friend killed herself..(over me to try and get me to stop) and ive been in an abusive relationship.. everything has just put me down.. even the smallest things.. and i dont ever seem to be happy anymore.. i dont know what to do anymore.. sometimes i think that life is just like a dream.. is there any way i could help this?? (please dont say a councelor ive tried many and none have helped)...
Dear Depressed,
You at least acknowledge your problem in your first sentence and it's a great thing when you are self aware. You state that you have had really low self esteem issues. Low self-esteem kills. Do you hear me? That is why your best friend killed herself, it wasn't over you, believe me. It wasn't your fault. She killed herself most likely because she was in a lot of pain and didn't have the strength and faith in herself that she could get through it and that she had options. The pain may have seemed unbearable, but she still had options. And for this you have to grieve. And grief feels like depression. You ask a lot of questions...to God, to the universe, to your friend, of yourself. Here's what you have to know. The only thing that doesn't change in life is the fact that things will change. And you have the power to create anything in your life. You can create a healthy relationship by taking steps to end an abusive one. You have the power to have a happy and fulfilling future if you take steps to correct your thinking and change your thoughts. A lot about life is perspective. Change your perspective about the things going on in your life. Instead of thinking of this abusive relationship as something you are trapped in, think of it in terms of showing how strong you really are, it's a challenge and I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but you CAN do anything you put your mind to. And this doesn't apply to only some people. This applies to ALL people. Try joining a group with similar interests as you. Such as a small book club, a drama club, a writing club, something that will take the focus off you and the negative thoughts you are having and put the focus on other people and how they have risen above the negative in their own lives. Learn from other people. Be around people who you want to emulate, not around people who make you feel bad about yourself. And be nice to yourself. Pamper yourself. Sometimes it seems that we don't have enough to give to others because we are not getting it from others, however, the best way to get what you need to overcome obstacles is to give it back to yourself. Try to steer the negative thoughts into something positive or when you start feeling depressed, challenge your negative thoughts. Here's an equation for you: thoughts = words or statements which = feelings. The best way to be happy is to think happy. It may sound like a bunch of optimistic bull right now, but trust me, it's science.
Good luck sweetie. Let me know if you need to talk.
Hello there.
Okay, well firstly I'm very annoyed that I didn't use a comma after my "Hello", but I don't think it looks right, so I'm not putting one in... Secondly, this is what my problem is. I have a hella lot of inner conflicts with myself, and I often speak to myself.
I don't consider speaking to yourself an actual problem, because it's rather normal, just most people deny it as it makes them look "weird", I personally don't care. But I am annoyed at the fact that I argue with myself a hella lot, I get annoyed at the slightest things and I try to purposely contradict myself when I'm bored to make my life seem more amusing and cause problems.
I'm turning my life into a soap opera for the fun of it, and when a real problem does arise, I flip it over, turn it inside out and make it all the more worse.
I *could* figure this one out myself, but I'd probably give myself the wrong solution just so I have another problem that I can make a larger problem out of, then I'll contradict the whole thing by denying ever having *any* problems AT ALL...
Okay, I made this longer and more complicated/confusing than I could've imagined, but again, help would be rather nice. And don't give me a lame ass answer like "seek help from your GP" because I'm not gonna and I want a REAL answer.
Apologies and I appreciate you wasting your time. Merci beaucoup.
Dear Mind,
First of all, talking to yourself is quite normal. The NOT normal thing is thinking that it isn't normal. When people say it makes them look weird, they are probably trying to get your approval, or vice versa. However, I see a few red flags in your letter. It sounds as if you may be a little obsessive/compulsive which makes you doubt a lot of things you do or say. But here's a secret. Lots of people feel insecure about things like that.
I think the main problem I'm seeing in this letter is that you say you're turning your life into a soap opera. It's called boredom. There is enough drama in this world than adding to it. Try to join into some groups, go out with friends and if you can't, please see someone whom you can trust and talk to. You can write to me at anytime if you are feeling conflicted. The best advice I can give to you is not to look for drama because believe me, it comes back to you to bite you in the ass and that will make things much worse. Good luck to you.
Linda