Introverted music lover who just wants to do something good for others.
Gender: Female
Location: Tucson, AZ
Occupation: vinyl aficionado
Age: 20
Member Since: July 24, 2013
Answers: 4
Last Update: July 28, 2013
Visitors: 1082
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So i like this guy and he might like me back. We have held hands etc. But i think that i might have been friend zoned. How to i get him to date me. What makes it worse is that i use to date his friend. (link)
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I think that in order for us to advise you, there are a few more details you could have provided us with. But I do appreciate short and sweet, so let me do my best to advise you.
You guys have held hands. Now, unless that's a normal thing you do with your guys friends, I'd say that you're already creeping out of the friend zone.
Have you guys talked about your feelings? I'm not sure how old you are and I realize that when you're younger (>16), it's harder to be upfront. But, I'd say it's worth mentioning just to put an end to your curiosity.
What's possible is that he DOES have feelings for you, but he is hesitant to act on them because of your past with his friend. Now, some guys don't care at all. I dated the best friend of one of my exes for 2 years and it was no big deal. But, not everyone is as cool with that.
How long ago did you hold hands? Has there been any flirtation since? Does he flirt with other girls? What indicates that he has friend-zoned you?
The best advice I can give to you is just to be honest with him. Whether it be through a letter, or text, or in person, or whatever, I think that what you need to do is say "Hey, is it just me or do we have a connection?"
What's the worst that can happen? So he says no, then at least you know where you stand and that it is time for you to move on. Or he could say that he does have feelings for you, but the history with his friend makes him hesitant to date you. In that case, the two of you need to talk to your friend and make sure there's no weirdness. Your crush may just be too afraid to face him alone. Or he may just say he does like you but was afraid you didn't like him back. There you go, you get the guy and all ends well!
Just don't wait for everything to happen to you. Sometimes you need to make things happen for yourself. Good luck! I hope it ends well :)
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Hey there. I need some answers. For some odd reason I can't date guys. Like I'm straight and everything, but I don't really know what to do. When I'm in a relationship with a guy its like my mind is telling me no you can't date him you can't be with him. I honestly don't know what's wrong. I have extreme anxiety when it comes to relationships. I am always worried about what they will think of me, or what type of background I'm from. Well, I had one relationship once where my boyfriend was everything to me until he called me names and it took forever for me to get over him. I have friends that are very close that are also guys and I like them. One of them asked me out, but I said no because I knew my anxiety would get the best of me. Please Help. I would really really appreciate it. (link)
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Hey there.
You are not too different from me. I have anxiety in regards to all things relationships. I have a hard time making and keeping friends because of this. It's such a foreign concept to most people, but if you have social anxiety, it really does control your life.
I was the same way that you are now. My first boyfriend was a cheater, my second boyfriend was abusive, and all of the minor relationships in between were unpleasant for various other relationships. It wasn't until I decided to stop trying so hard that I found my perfect fit.
I think that the best thing for people like us to do is to build trust with someone BEFORE becoming romantically involved with them. You mentioned guy friends, and that's a great thing to have. I find it is much easier to get to know someone honestly when there are no romantic expectations. Do you have a friend you trust the most? Someone that you can just be yourself around? If you do, then that's the type of guy you should be with.
I knew my boyfriend for 2 years before we ever dated. We both were in crappy relationships and were both obviously unhappy. We vented to each other, though, and got to know each other strictly as friends. When we were both finally single, he asked me on a date. I spent the whole night before drinking (a lot) and panicking about how the date would go. I thought that I would screw up somehow and then I would be short a friend and ruin my chances of dating him. I wore far too much makeup, way too much perfume, and tried too hard to be something I wasn't. I think he saw through all of that though, and we had a great time on the date anyways. About half-way through the date, I became comfortable again. I realized that he was the same guy I was best friends with, and us going on a date didn't change that, so why should I worry about who he thinks I am? Eventually I became comfortable and it felt like it did when we hung out as friends, except with a lot more hand holding and butterflies. We've been dating happily now for 3 years and I advise all of my friends to date their best friend.
Moral of the story is, pick someone you feel comfortable with and someone who already knows your background and personality but STILL chooses to have you in their life. Go on the date, even if your anxiety begs you not to. You may be pleasantly surprised with how easy it is! Just be yourself and don't worry about anyone else. The right person will not judge you and will think you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to them-I promise. :) Good luck and stay confident!
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So, I dated this guy 2 years ago and he recently broke up with his other ex like 2 months ago. He decided to come back to me to reclaim a friendship with me and he ranted and confessed to me.
And now, ever since summer started, he would always offer to give me a ride back home from my summer class. I've been observing his actions and he's been trying to hit on me and spoil me with food and gifts and all that. A few days ago, he told his friends that he still likes me and wants to get back together with me, and one of his friends came and told me. I kind of saw this coming, but I didn't actually think it would legitly happen.
Anyways, I kind of find it weird to date an ex, so I honestly don't know what to do now. Today he texted me, "We need to talk" and I said I was busy for today but it's probably gonna happen. What should I do? (link)
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're not really feeling it. If that is the case and you have no desire to get back together with him, then I would advise you to stop accepting his gestures. Every time you accept his food/rides/gifts, he thinks he is just that much more welcome to get back together with you.
If I am wrong and you do want to get back together, I'd advise you to wait until you are comfortable and certain, then take things slow from there. Often times when couples break up and get back together, there are a few really happy weeks, then they just rush back to the state they were in when they broke up. You get comfortable too quickly and stop making an effort. Why did you guys break up in the first place? Why did he and his ex break up? Is it possible that he still has feelings for his ex and is trying to use you to get back at her? I'm obviously in no position to judge him since I don't know him, but if your answer to those 3 questions all reassure you that dating him again would be an okay choice, then go for it!
Good luck! I hope this works out well for you.
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I moved to a new city within the same state about a year ago and I'm finding it hard to make friends or even meet a guy. I'm a 21 year old girl, and I feel like everyone in the new city already has all of their friends and their social groups and it's more unlikely that they'll be accepting of a newcomer. I know when you're younger, it's easier to join a social group of girls but I'm 21! I don't want to be hanging around little children. I mean I don't mind talking to them but I don't want to be associating with them all the time. I want to meet people my age but it's so hard given that no one really takes the time to talk to me. Considering I'm the new girl, why do I have to be the one to go up to everyone? I'm already shy. I'm one of those shy until you get to know me people but considering that I'm the new one, I can easily overcome my shyness once someone actually makes an effort to look like their interested in being my friend.
Now don't get me wrong, it's not as if I have absolutely anyone. I have made a couple of acquaintances, but I rarely see them. Not by choice either. I have mutual friends with these acquaintances back where I used to live, which is how I know them in the first place. But these people have their lives as well and even though we minimally talk, I never see them/get to interact with them in person. The most we talk is through Facebook or other social media websites. I feel like eventually people get tired of friendships like those. I mean, I would too if I didn't see the person often because how much could you possibly talk about without having seen them in a long time. The people I see often are the ones who don't talk to me. Go figure.
As for love life, I've met a few guys but they've all turned out to come with complications. I really don't want any complications going into a relationship. I want it to be a clean slate kind of thing. What I mean is this, one guy I met recently, was a nice guy on the outside but personality was messed up. He had a girlfriend and flirted around with me and said inappropriate things. He even flirted with my 15 year old friend, and he's 22. I told him off, not badly but I told him if you're going to continue to act like this, then we have no business talking. He just texts me hi every once in a while but that's it. Another guy broke off a 5 year relationship recently. I've talked to him more and he's been a lot more respectful to me but I don't think he sees me that way nor wants a relationship. We don't talk very often for there to be a hint of a crush on me. He's a little bit older than I am too. Finally, another guy I know, haven't really talked to him much, but on the outside seems like a nice guy who comes from a respectable family, but problem is, he's a year younger or so.
I know not everyone my age is in a relationship, but it would be nice to finally meet someone. It's been 2 years since I've been out of a relationship and I really miss the feeling of having someone. I feel like I have all this love within me, but no one to share it with. I don't want to come off as desperate but why are these things so complicated.
I have friends back where I used to live and we're still friends. I don't see them very often so it becomes hard and that's why it gets lonely because I want to make new friends up here and meet someone. I'm so bored. And its not like I don't put myself out there, I do. I go to events in the neighborhood with my family and there are people there my age but no one my age ever actually talks to me.
What should I do? (link)
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Hey. I'm in the same situation now-moved to a different city within my state and finding it hard to make friends.
Take my advice, since I won't.
There is no shame in being alone, in fact it might help you become less lonely. I find that every time I go to a coffee joint or book store alone, I am ALWAYS approached. Don't worry, I'm not Kate Upton or anything. I'm decent-looking at best, but that has nothing to do with being approached. People are attracted to loneliness. When a normal looking young person is alone, it inspires more confident (and more extroverted) people to come up to you. They want to make a friend. They want to feel like they made a difference in your day.
My other piece of advice is that there is strength in numbers. Every now and then, a friend of mine from my hometown will come visit me here. Every time we go out, other groups of girls or guys will naturally group up with us. Maybe inviting a more social friend out is a good idea. Even if you're shy, you are bound to meet at least one interesting person. Give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.
Best of luck!
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