Gender: Female
Location: Currently.. Melbourne
Occupation: Dance instructor
Member Since: January 3, 2009
Answers: 12
Last Update: January 24, 2009
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same person. if my asking questions gets annoying please just let me know. i dont want to be a nuisance.
but this is short and sweet. our sweetheart dance is in 2 weeks and i want to know if i should ask him to it. its all i have been thinking about and i want to but i know the reason that he might say no is because of ann. so i dont know if its even worth trying. thats also another reason i wanted to talk to his best friend and see if i should even go thru the trouble of asking.
but anyway thank you so much and dont worry about hurting my feelings if you tell me your tired of giving me advice on this guy. you have just been so much help already that i figure why not ask until i feel completely comfortable on the subject with him. plus as the week goes on and weekends pass more things may come up so thanks! (link)
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Hey, don't sweat it! this is intresting and it keeps my mind active!
i'm glad that you are asking, because i would hate to think someone is in a difficult situation and they are not talking about it. so good on ya!
To be honest, there are really 2 choices and or reasons to ask him to the dance..,
one, you could persuade him to come with you by letting him know that it should be a night to remember and that friends will always be there fore eachother, yet if he goes with ann, and something bad happens between them (an argument or anything in general) then he the memories of the night might be reflected badly.. so try and let him know that it should be a fun night with good outcomes to it. you don't want him looking at it 2 years later and thinking what a night wasted with ann...
two, you could ask him because you want to.. what he says to you would be completely up to him and you will have to prepare yourself just incase he says something that you don't like. so i would suggest that you go up to him and ask whether he has considered taking anyone to the dance yet? and what his plans were... talk in a friendly way, i hate to say it, but if he feels like you are presuuring him, then he's not gonna be very comfortable telling you about it, but if he doesn't feel a threatened, then he'll give you honesty. I know it shouldn't be like this, but thats just the case.
If he doesnt know himself and finds it very hard to answer the questiong, that means you still have a chance to ask him.
Why don't you throw in something like "hey! i know, why don't we go to the dance together, we'll have so much fun.. you know, just a suggestion"
something like that could trigger his senses and possibliy realize that you are infact wanting him to ask you to the dance.
If you ask him straight away for a yes or no answer, then there's that possibility of him rejecting on the spot, but if you give him a way of letting him know you're intrested and wanting him to think about the idea, he might actually find it a good one!
so key rule: don't provide a yes or no questiong, always an open ended question, but being confident in what you're saying.
His best friend would know him yes, but his best friend isn't going to be that much of a help anyway. Whether you ask him or not, should be completely up to you and what you want to do. if you want to ask him, there shouldn't be a reason not to. If you have doubts in asking him because he might reject you, wouldn't you rather hear it from his mouth than his best friends, because i'll gareentee you'll wonder what if? later on.
so never take anyone elses answer for your decision, because the truth will only be unfolded by the person himself!
Feel free to ask anything. i'm fine with it, honestly!
oh... btw... why don't you get this so called "guy" on the site, so that i can knock some sense into his thick head?! :) just a thought! :p
(see how a joke can be more relaxing for the other person then if i was saying it seriously, and demanding it? same thing with my previous statement earlier..)
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same girl who asked you about this guy and his ex getting in the way.
I was talking to a friend who is best friends with him and his friend said that he has known for a while that i like him. This changed everything n made me act weird around him when he was trying to flirt, bc i wouldnt flirt back which is not like me. I guess the fact that he knows is scaring me off bc i know he still loves his ex. (they dated for 15mos)...i dont like the fact that im #2 and that he jus flirts with me knowing i like him but yet he still wants his ex and is not lookin to find anyone else. Im not looking for a boyfriend but i want to be open to whatever will happen. Im having a hard time dealing with the fact that hes sending me mixed feeling bc sometimes i think he likes me and sometimes i know he doesnt. what do i do?? do i need to talk to him bout this or just let it be? I am friends with his best friend should i talk to him about it? and ask if i should even stop trying or just go with it. We hung out last night but i found out that tonight they went to a movie together and im so jealous which is weird bc im not the jealous type. Im starting to think i like him more than i thought i did. why does he have to be in love with his ex? Are they gonna date agian before its really finally over? HELP! (link)
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Try and figure out first what exactly attracts him to his ex so much, is it her looks, personality (wether it's humour or carefree attitude etc..), or maybe suss out what she's giving him that's so damn great for him to fall head over heels for her.
Obviously when you date someone for that long, you do develop a different kind of emotion. A kind of emotion that doesn't easily go away just like that. But if you know how he's ex is, then ask yourself, are you prepared to be or are you his type of girl... remember, don't change who you are if it's not in you to begin with.
If he has already known about your feelings towards him from a while back, and is still flirting around with you but doesn't want anything more, then i'd say he's got some insecurity problems.
I don't think that he's that deeply in love with his ex, because if he was, he wouldn't be flirting with you. I think he wants to test out who wants to be with him more.. which is kind of a cruel game on your behalf.
He likes the attention and the admiration. He likes to feel special.
The only problem with that type of guys, is that they don't consider anyone elses feelings apart from their own insecurities.. remember key word.. insecurity!
you don't have to be a jealous type to be jealous. God knows, it's a natural part of being a human, if you didn't have that for someone that you like, then i'd think something is really wrong with you or you just don't like him enough to be jealous!
Remember, it's not you being jealous for no particular cause.. it's him making you jealous with his actions.
He;s not secure with his emotions, how would he make you feel secure? think about that!
I don't think you should talk to a third party, especially his best mate. it's tempting alright, but his best mate would always protect him and it's not uncommoon for them to lie through their teeth.
i think the best way would be to let him know the next time you do spend time together that you really like his company, but you have a few quieries on mind. Ask him casually whats happening with his ex and whether he thinks theres a chance of him getting back together with her. if he denies it uncomfortably, then joke and say "cumon! who am i to you? (don't wait for an answer and continue with..) i'm a friend to you right? and friends talk about these type of things.. you know that i have feelings for you and that i like you, but you need to know whats happening in your life so i can make an honest decision about you."
Don't worry about how he'd react, just make it clear to him. When he goes home that night.. gareenteed that he'll be thinking about what you have said to him.
then he'll start thinking "what does she mean by honest decision" "why is she saying that? maybe i might loose her if i don't get my act together"
all these questions would be running through his head no doubt!
it'll never be FINAlLy over, if you keep supressing all these inside, it'll just keep dragging on, at least you would knnow if you had a chat with him.
because hun, the worst feelling is to not know and sit around and wait. FOR WHAT? a guy that doesn't know what he wants? give him a chance to explain now, or he can forever hold his mistake, because you are not that type to hang onto someone that's gonna brush you off and hurt you and not feel any remorse for it.
let me know what you think.
miracle89
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16/f this is kinda long sorry.
I have been hangin out wi these guys and Im starting to like one of them but theres a problem: the girl that broke up wi him about a month ago is talkin to him a lot now n they hang out. Hes told me he wants to move on but says its so hard bc he still likes her. He says he thinks she likes him again too. He was tellin me some stuff n me my friend and my older sister think he's getting used. This was before I ever even thought i would end up liking him. But now they are talkin all the time and hangin out a lot more. They both have the same profile picture up now of them together and she left him a comment sayin how she was sorry they didnt get to hang out last weekend and that they are for sure hangin out this weekend...so now im thinkin that maybe she really does like him agian.....but me n him have also been hangin out a lot too though. And during that time he sends me mixed messages bc sometimes me n my friend think he might be into me bc he acts like it and we flirt all the time but then a little later I will ask what hes doin tomorrow n he says idk i might be hangin out wi *wendi (the girl who broke up wi him but now they talk)...I dont know what to think and do. every time I start to like somebody he goes for this other girl or something. Im getting tired of it and I dont move from guy to guy very fast so its really hard for me. Im starting to really like him and I know im just going to get hurt. how come every time I like someone they go for someone else?! and why is it so hard?! but my real question is should I try to get over it bc he doesnt like me or should I let whats gonna happen happen or do I try to win him over?!? please help! (link)
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Hey there.
I don't personally think that he's a bad guy. i think that he's actually confussed.
obviously when *wendi* dumped him, he was hurt and upset, and guys (just like women) have feelings too. So even though they might not show it or talk about it as much, but there is still that down time when he still feels that like for her.. a month isn't that long, i'm sure he was trying to move on and maybe he does have feelings for you because he intended to get wendi out of life. I believe the real problem lies with her. i don't think she actually wants to be with him, i think she just can't stand the sight of him moving on with his life and possibily moving on to someone new.
I don't think that you are the problem, you like someone, not knowing that they are into someone else or infact their history. so don't be so harsh on yourself! As you are getting older aswell, you'll start to meet guys that will give you the same back as you give them. Just stick to who you are... remember the saying... what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger? EVERY heartbreak gradually gets easier to deal with, the first is always the hardest.
I think your next move should be asking him what exactly is happening with Wendi, if he insists on nothing, then explain to him that you have feelings for him and that you do want something more than just friendship. If he acts all funny about it and can't give you a straight answer, then don't push it, obviously it's gonna hurt but calmly just reasurre him that you care about him enough for him to make his own decision, and if he wants a chance with you then take it soon because you are NOT going to sit around and wait for him. Let him know your worth girl!
But one thing that you can't do is change the way he feels forcefully or blackmailing (not saying that you will do that). If he decides to be with little miss tryhard, then let him, because you are more valuable than being second to any other women!
x
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Hey, I'm a 17 year old male who just today, asked a girl who I really like. Oddly enough she said 'yes' but there is one little snag. She is my best friend's sister. I know that if I talk to him that this would probably okay and i know that if he's not okay with this I wouldn't go through with this but how do i approach him about this, should she be there or no? I just need help deciding how to go about this, I don't want to hide this from him at all so soon would be better than later, thank you so much for your advice in advance. (link)
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i think the best thing to say would be to tell him that you have feelings for his sister, and you really do like her, and tell him that even though you should have asked for his permission first as a best mate to him, you asked his sister to date you. HOWEVEVER, you understand if this would be awkward for him, and that you respect your friendship enough to listen to what he'd had to say.
make sure you also tell him that no matter what happens between his sister and you, you guys will remain best friends.
:)
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Well, I'm 14/f and I just started going out with this AMAZING guy a couple days before Christmas. So we've only been going out for about 2 weeks or so. Already, I feel this strange connection to him that I haven't felt towards any other guy. I like him a lot...enough to call it love. So I love him, but I'm not IN love with him. Well it's weird, because no matter how much I want to see him again and just hear his voice, every once in a while I just find myself not answering his call or text just because. I mean, this doesn't happen all the time, but every now and then I'll just look at the caller Id and just not pick it up :/ Is this normal? I mean, I love him to death, but sometimes I just feel like some down time... does anyone else feel like this? Thanks! (link)
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Hey hun,
There's nothing wrong with that, there are different kinds of people out there, some want to be with there partner 24/7, some want to live with them but want to spend time out with friends more than their partners etc... you can see where iam coming from!
People are all different, if he's not complaining about the fact that you weren't picking up his calls or his not making a big fuss about it and you feel the way that you do, then there shouldn't be a problem there at all. It just basically shows that you guys are compatiable.
You are still finding yourself and you need that down time to have for yourself, it's not only healthy once in a while but also it's a time where you can revolve your life around you.
But just make sure that you don't cut him off from you all the time, then there might be problems.. he might feel insecure or that you don't really want to be around him.
When you do see him and talk to him, just let him know that he's special and even when you don't speak with him, you still think of him.
If he's not a stubborn person, then he'll understand.
i get the feeling on being on my own or with friends sometime too.. it's just a natural feeling to being human!
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ok so my bf and I have been togethr since xmas eve. well he doesn't really treat me like a gf. like it seems like were just friends. we've only held hands like once.and he hugs me hello and goodbye. we haven't had our 1st kiss yet. (but im not rushing that). I tried talking to him about treating me like a girlfriend.and it didn't really do anything.he's always talking to other girls and it makes me jealous. so yes I also have a jealousy problem.and im pretty sure the last 2 days he went to lunch with this girl. that's his friend. but it makes me mad cause he nos it makes me mad! and he started actng really immature like goofy aftr we started going out.my mom said its probably cause he doesn't know how 2 act. well my question is what can I do to make him treat me more like a real girlfriend. and how can I get over my jealousy problem? thankyou in advance (link)
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Hun, Jealousy is apart of any relationship.. we all get jealous. Even as a family member to our brothers or sisters, we tend to form the jealousy feeling.
Its about the depths in which our jealousy goes and how far we actually take it, for it to be classified as an issue!
I think by what you're telling me, you have every reason to be that tad jealous, he's not spending quality time with you, not taking you to lunch, not making it seem official with you. That alone is enough to feel uncertain about.
Stop doubting yourself, if he has agreed to be your partner then he needs to start acting like one himself.
There is nothing wrong with you and what more you CAN do to make him treat you better. Talking to him was a great start but he's basically just not respecting your feelings.
If it was me, i would say to him: "hey, look, you want me, you have me, however, i'm not going to be stepped upond. i informed you already that i wasn't comfortable with you flirting around with other girls, i am your girlfriend and the least you could do is respect my feelings. If you want to have lunch with one of your girl mates then have the decency to ask if i'm ok with that or whether i would like to join you.
Not only are you making me feel like there's no security in the relationship, you're also disrespecting yourself by making it out like you're a man whore! Get a grip, start acting mature!"
If there's nothing more that you can do to make you feel more at ease then go and find yourself a guy that will appreciate your honesty. Because you deserve it!
Remember, people are who they are, if he's not willing to make a change, there's nothing that you can do to change him, nor anyone else.
Hope everything works out for you.
take care!
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hi im 16 nearly 17 and this lad who i like said he liked me and it was great until 1 day when he stood me up and didnt let me know he wasnt going to show up
it was great before that we were like together(we wasnt but he told his mates we was) we slept together a few times and he wanted to see me every day
but now i just feel like ive been used coz we havent spoke for ages and i still really like him
i know he has commitment issues because one of his exes cheated on him with his best mate do you think that has something to do with it?
or was he just using me for sex? does anyone no? plzzzzz help (link)
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First of all, is the guy much older than you? if he is then he should be more mature than the whole standing you up and not contacting you senario.
If he isn't then he's got alot of growing up to do.
YOu are worth the attention and commitment from any partners, or potential partners. They should respect and value you.
If you feel like you have been used for sex then go with your ituition. Believe it or not, us women are very intouch with our intuitions even though we might not know.
Don't believe what he says to his mates, believe what YOU see with his actions.
Commitment issues are just an excuse for a guy, if they find a girl that they are REALLY into, they wouldn't be hesitant for a split second to commit.
Hey, i went through the same issue with my partner.
My advice is, go get yourself somebody who's gonna appreciate and be smittened by you, not for sex but because they truly are into you!
Hope this helped.. GOod luck sweety!
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