mandawhy's advice column | mandawhy's Advice About Love Life

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Q: can someone help me? me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 months. we still havent kissed yet. does anyone have any advice on where and when to kiss? (where as in romantic or fun place not specific.)

thanks! 13/f

Ah. The pains of early adolescence. I must say, I am impressed with the six months at such an early age. That says something. I say just let it happen when it happens. Of course, you can always try to speed the process up, like the person before suggested by spending more alone time together. Good luck.

Q: ok i was going out with this kid who lives 3 houses away from me we were going out for 2 days then i deiced to break up with him because i didnt want to go a long time then break up and not talk anymore because we use to be best friends...do you think what i did was right

If that's what you really want, than yes. Obviously, you do not feel enough romantically for him, so what you did, in my opinion, was right. You're not leading him on, and you did the mature thing and did what you felt was right. Now, just remember, he probably is hurt. Make sure you express yourself as clear as you can if the subject comes up between the two of you, so that he understands that he means a lot to you, so much that you couldn't bare risking his friendship. Being lead on is one of the shittiest experiences in the world.

Q: alright i'm 14 and i really like this guy (lets call him joe) and he's 16..i've been hanging out with him ALOT this summer with him, his friend (he's 16 too lets call him matt), and my friend (she's 14 lets call her mary) and we've been hanging out at mary's and matt gives us rides all over and me and joe always have our arms around eachother and i guess we flirt alot and matt and mary, and mary's younger sister always try to hook us up like "are you 2 going out yet" or "you 2 look so cute" (when he's got his arm around me of something) or something like that..and neither of us say anything..and like i'm always sitting on his lap and he's the funniest guy ever and stuff..and i don't know if he likes me..but mary says she thinks he does..but i don't know cause of the ages..i mean so what if we're 2 years apart..but he's like really hot and stuff so i don't know why he wouldn't like girls his age and stuff..lol but from this..would you think he likes me?

He likes you. Boys are weird at every age. Two years isn't that much a difference, so he probably doesn't really think about it. Neither one of you say anything when your friends say that, because you're afraid of what the other one really feels or doesn't feel. Talk to each other. Communication is the key.

Q: Ok, heres the story, Hi, I'm Rachel. My first ever true love (Tony) that ONCE in my life LIKED ME, went out with a girl, then they broke up, well they are now back together and are having some serious relationship problems. BUT, this other guy, Named Austin, he is like, IN LOVE WITH ME, and he's the sweetest thing, I kinda like him. Tony is soo funny and SO my type, we always laugh and have a blast, I still love him, AUSTIN, is the sweethaert who calles me beautiful, and not just hot, like Tony has. I honestly don't know what to do, I REALLY WANT TO GO OUT WITH TONY at least ONCE in my life.....And just get it over with! And I can't be with Austin yet, we are waiting til we go to the same school to go out, so, I don't know what to do, who to like, who to stop loving. ANy Advice for me please?

Thanks for your time reading, Love, Rachel

Well, if Tony is still with this girl, but you feel that there is a connection between the two of you, then you need to talk to him. It sounds like he means the most to you, so you need to figure out how he feels. Austin kind of gets the shitty end of the stick, because he's your plan B. Being plan B sucks. Don't lead him on. You need to figure out what is going on with Tony, because it's not just you putting yourself out there, it's Austin, too. And, could possibly be Tony once you talk to him. Don't blow off your feelings for Tony, but don't blow off Austin, either. So, in short, talk to Tony, and try to be fair to everyone involved. Good luck.

Q: Hey people if u could help that would be great. Well you see i was going out with this girl and she really liked me. I really liked her too and soo we went on a kind of date not really we pretty much just hung out but it didn't go as well as i thot it would. And by the way this was on a friday. Anyways i was kind of worried because she didn't call me all weekend and i didn't have time to call her. So today when i went to school she wasn't really talking to me and she even seemed kind of mad. So then today after school i called her and I asked her if she was mad at me and she said no but she thinks we should just be friends. In the inside i was really upset but i said that i thought that was a good idea and i was thinking the same thing but i deffinently was not. She was happy that i wasn't mad or upset but i really am upset. What should i do?????

Honesty is (most of the time) the best policy, man. Tell her how you feel. She'll either re-evaluate her feelings, or just stick with what she said she wanted in the first place. Either way, don't forget that there are plenty of more cool girls out there for you.

Q: ok i really like this guy. He lives in Buffalo and hes my best friend. He likes me and I like him but i found out a couple weeks ago that he liked my friend and "kind of" asked her out. what should i do? wait and ask him about it or what?

Dude, if he likes you, why the crap did he "kind of" ask your friend out? Talk to him and tell him you thought you guys had something going on between you, a connection or something, and it confused you when you heard about your friend. The only way to find out, is to ask. Good luck.

Q: Okay well first of all this is my first post and all so i really dont know how to do this so i would really like it if you could help me out.

I really really like this guy at me church and all and he told me that he likes me and all and we kind of went out and things but like he is really really touchy-feely and everything and he makes me really nervous but i really like talking to him and would easily trust him with my life.

my other problem is that i have known this guy "cody" for like, ever and he has this really mean and bitchy girlfriend (but she is nice and sweet to him) and all of his friends hate her and tell him but he wont break up with her . although he could do sooo much better. and i also kinda like him.

whats a girl to do?

i will rate high if you give me good advice.

The church guy does not sound very church like.

If you like spending time with him, tell him you need to slow things down, and the touchy-feely stuff is a little too fast paced for you right now. But, make sure you tell him that you like spending time with him, so he doesn't feel like shit.

This "Cody" guy, well, he likes his girlfriend enough to stay with her. If she is nice and sweet to him, he's probably not going to give her up anytime soon. It's cool that you like him, but take advice from someone who knows....don't waste your time chasing after someone who is in a relationship. If they like you, let them do the chasing. That's there problem. Not yours. And, if he's not chasing you, put your feelings for him on the back burner. It's not like he'll probably marry this girl. Plus, there's lots of other guys out there. Just go with the flow, man.

Q: okay, so here's the deal. I went on vacation for a week and before vacation, me and the boy I liked made plans to hang out after vacation. By the way, he told me he liked me too. So when I got back from vacation, he hasn't even talked to me. Not even an attempt to talk to me. It's almost like I don't exist anymore to him. Then I heard from my other guy friend (who likes me) that he was hooking up with this other girl. But today she told him that they weren't anymore. So what's going on?? Why won't he talk to me? ANy help here?!?!?

Dude, that's confusing. The only way to find out what's going on is to call him up. That kid that told you that might have just been saying it because they like you, and don't want you with this person. So, yeah, call the guy and ask him to hang out and see what his deal is.

Q: my best friend has been going out with this guy for a few years and he has a friend named dave that he lives with. i recently just starting hanging out with the two of them.(the boys) and to make a long story short, dave kissed me. we slept over their house last night and dave was kissing me and everything(after the lights were shut out when it was time to go to bed) ...and he will touch my hand and hold it and cute things like that when noone is looking, but today when i went over there, it was really weird because i wasnt sure if last night was just a hook up to him or if he really cares. the catch is that he has a girlfriend that he has been with for about a year. im not sure what to do because now i think i have feelings for him but i dont want to scare him away because i dont want him to think im immature or physco for not accepting "just a kiss". i eventually broke down and told my best friend what happened. she called him and asked him if anything happened between us(she was trying to act like she didnt know anything so that she could get information from him)..and he said "no nothing happened.." and was telling her that he thinks im attractive and really nice and all, but he loves his girlfriend...but then he said "i keep trying to tell myself that." ..but he didnt tell my friend about what happened...so i have NO idea what to do...and also, he keeps telling all of us(well, for the past 2 days...ever since i came around)..that he is sick of her and blah blah blah and doesnt think they will last anyways and all that. pppppplease give me any advice you can. thanks so much.

Wow. I recently was just in a similar situation for a year. He never left his girlfriend. Here's what you do, you don't get attached. It seems like this is already happening. Stop. You're young. Boys are lame. Dating is a bittersweet game, my dear. He is in a serious relationship, and obviously committed enough to her to lie about everything. He does not want to give her up completely. He obviously feels something for you. Whether it's just an attraction, or something more, you don't know yet. You need to ask him what his deal was the other night. Don't get real serious, you don't want to freak him out like you said. Just say something like, "So, what was your deal the other night?" And if he gives you an answer you don't like, give him an "Okay, whatever" attitude. And go about your business, being yourself. Obviously he is attracted to you, so don't go changing yourself to try to impress him or any of that jazz. Just go with the flow. I'm not saying, if it doesn't work out right now, it won't in the future. I'm saying don't make yourself miserable worrying about one guy, there are plenty more out there. Trust me. It'll all work out. Good luck.

bio

I've experienced divorce, death, mental disorders, heartbreak, pregnancy scare, and high school/college bullshit. Feel free to ask me anything to do with any of those topics, and I'll try my best.

The end.

Oh, and back stabbing "friends".