about

my name is heather. i am pagan. i love to be around people and be outgoing. i'm a former cheerleader and basketball player. i go to north shore technical high school. i love to read, write, chat, play sports, you name it.

advice

16/f

So, one of my friends, let's call her June, has a huge crush on one of my guy friends, let's call him Ben. I told June, truthfully, that I was going to try and hook them up on a date, because she's desperate for his attention. And Ben and I are the kind of friends where we hug and smooch eachother on the cheek every day. So before I tell him about June yesterday morning, he leans over and kisses me on the mouth, and before I know it, his tongue's in my mouth, too. I was too surprised to react. I like Ben too, but he's such a flirt and since he's moving in december, all he wants is someone to fool around with, and that someone is me. But June really likes him. I know she deserves better, and I probably do too. I told June that he's a player and is only looking for sex, but she still likes him. Should I tell her he kissed me? What should I tell Ben? I need help!!!

If he's only looking for one thing, tell June what happened. She needs an example if you're going to tell her that she deserves better. If you tell her the whole story, starting with "oh, we were just talking and he kissed but instead of the usual way, he stuck his tongue in my mouth, etc." and if she doesn't believe you, then she obviously doesn't trust your honesty. But June doesn't need a player to break her heart. Ben needs to figure out what he's going to do by himself. Tell him that you're not interested in him "like that" and if he continues to follow you around and try to kiss you more, that's harrassment which doesn't look very good when he's looking for women. Hope this helped!


--Heather

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I've liked this guy off and on for about six years. For the past 2.5 years we have talked about a relationship, hooked up, and then hated each other. The thing is, he thinks we are friends but he always breaks my heart. When he likes me, we talk for hours everyday for about 3 weeks, and then he goes out with a different girl for the next 2 months. As soon as he breaks things off with that girl he always comes back to me. I'm not saying I still fall for it, because I don't. But I feel like empty because everytime he starts talking with me, he tells me I'm beautiful, I'm like one of his best friends, he doesn't know where he'd be without me, (one time he even said he loved me) and all that bullshit. But since he kept pushing me to the side I've lost all self esteem. One time we got into a fight because he wanted to start smoking, and I was like no thats stupid. Well he called me fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, a whore, and he said that he hated me and that he never liked me. After wasting so much time on him I thought he was telling the truth, and now I think I really am all that he said. It's not like I'm ugly because a lot of guys like me, and I am not fat AT ALL. But even though I know I'm not what he says I am... I can't take compliments, I tell people to fuck off when they try to call me pretty or something, I don't get involved with guys because I'm afraid, and I don't let anyone in. I don't know how to deal with it because I always let him back in and he damages my mind and my heart; But at the same time I want to be over him because I think he's pathetic. I just don't know how to handle it because even though i don't allow myself to talk to him, it still gets to me after all this time. Please tell me whats wrong with me, and how I can forget about this bullshit. Thanks for your time // sorry its long.

He's not worth it. From what I see, he's two-faced and you don't want someone like that in your life. Especially someone who lowers your self-esteem and hurts you because in my opinion, it's emotional abuse. He's just not worth your time.


--Heather

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My boyfriend is moving to a new school, and ever since then, he has changed a lot...
Before, he cared about me more than anyone I have ever known... but now, he expects me to pay attention to him, understand him, call him every night, and to support him... and everytime I do what he wants me to do, he'll say that I'm too sensitive, and then he'll ignore me. I mean, he doesn't even appreciate my feelings... and he doesn't try to understand me! Why do I have to understand about everything and he doesn't?!
I really really want to break up with him, but I can't... I still love him, and I know... that no one cares about him except for me.. I'm the only person who ever cares about him and understands him, because he's a very lonely person... if I am not there for him, then no one will... and that kills him...
But now, I don't even know what to do... I'm mad at him to the greatest extend and I feel sorry for him at the same time... Because in his life, his parents are always away and I am the very first person who ever makes him happy...
Please, tell me what to do... or at least, tell me what he might be thinking by now.. because I can't stand it!! He loves me but he pays me no mind... help me!!

My advice is to see if you can just slowly give each other space. That way, you're still together but you don't really have to worry too much about pleasing just him and you can go out and do stuff for yourself. You don't want to be in a relationship where you don't feel wanted. Or maybe you guys can just be close friends, that way you're still there for him, you're just not together. Or maybe you can just explain the situation and just say "Why am I the one working on the relationship and not you?" or "Can we both try to learn about each other and support each other instead of just me supporting you?" I hope everything goes well.


--Heather

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