Alright I'm a 19 year old male,and I've known this girl for a lot of my life. In the past two years we've realized that we have feelings for each other. Due to a series of complicated events she's actually been dating another guy for almost two years living with him for more than one.
Their relationship has always been tenious at best as he is abusive and controlling (she told me herself I've had to take her in to the hospital for the damage he's done) Unfortunately whenever we do get together (I've been living in another city for a while now) we end up kissing, telling each other how much we love each other, I've never had sexual relations as I won't condone cheating more than we have. Sorry for the long story, just on new year's I finally told her that we should be together but due to the vast distance and her lack of place to live if she leaves her boyfriend the only option is for her to live with me in a new city, basically should I ask her to move in with me? Thank you in advance for your help.
To begin, there is another question you must ask yourself before you ask if you should move in with her, and that question is: What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life?
Have you talked to her about her leaving her boyfriend? If she wanted to leave her boyfriend, she would have done so already.
How do you know she isn't going to cheat on you, when she's cheated on her boyfriend with you?
I think that you need to spend more time talking to her about what she wants to do about her boyfriend before you move her into your place. If she means a lot to you, you need to sit her down somewhere and explain to her the rules and regulations of living with you. She needs to know that if she is to live with you, no more contact with her boyfriend.
It sounds like you are responsible, but do not forget about yourself in a situation where you are also helping and loving her. If this goes wrong, you are going to need just as much help as you will give her so take this seriously.
Moving in with someone is very different from meeting them at a pizza place everyday. There are habits and problems they might have that you don't even know about and that's something you'll have to get used to.
To answer your question: Yes, you should ask her to move in with you, but only after explaining to her what your worries, rules, and regulations are.
Good luck, hope all goes well.
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20/f
So this guy and I we work together,and we've been dating for about 3 months and well for the past 3 weeks we havent hang out...2 weeks ago was my birthday he said happy birthday to me and said sorry i wanted to do something but i feel terrible (excuse but he shouldnt feel like he had to do something you know) and the weekend before that he told me he still liked me (we went out on break together, we never do we ate and he paid for me) and the weekend of my birthday he asked me to text him to hang out after work but i didnt because i didnt want him to think that everytime hes free i could hang out and he always expects me to say yes to hang out i hate that.So fast forward 2 weeks later (we both only work on weekends) he kinda starts acting different but he still flirted with me so i was confused. There was a rumor going around work that he was bragging to people he had two options...and i heard this past weekend that he finally picked one...it wasnt me and he talked to me about it already( which he didnt). I have no idea he was also seeing another girl. He treated me like a girlfriend and i thought we were gonna go out.So I didnt hear anything from him, i wanted to address the rumor so I asked him this past sunday if we could talk and he said sure so after we were done our shift he looks at me smiles and says hey so what do you want to talk about I said i think you know what i want to talk about he laughs and says alright i think i know so we talk out front of the store and he goes alright well with the other girl i got with her like 2 or 3 times didnt think anything of it then we started hanging out (she goes to school with him) and he sighs and says she kinda gave me an ultimatium either keep getting with other girls or just her. He said remember when you asked me what were we and i said yeah he said well i said i didnt want to mess it up and stuff like that was because i was seeing that other girl too and i still wanted you too but i just didnt tell you. he then said i like you still i mean we can be friends then i said wait what does that even mean you still like me? he said its just she goes to school with me (i live at home i commute to college) shes just convenient shes there you know and your here and i said you only live 20 minutes away and he says yeah but it was a hassle not a hassle but 20 there 20 back and i get out of class late it was just too much. Then he said thats why i was trying to keep my distance and be rude to you not rude but you know...(but he wasnt until like this past weekend and he was still flirting with me) I said alright well i figured...i just wish i didnt hear it from giant first and he goes who did you hear it from and i said it dosent matter who it was but i know now. We then walk to our cars ( we walked right next to each other and we never do that, he alkways walks ahead of me)and he goes sorry i said you dont have to be sorry and he said i wanted to tell you before it happened i said wait you guys go out already he guys well it happened the other day and i said oh and walked into my car. So i had to ask him about it, he wasnt man enough to tell me, and when he says what do you want to talk about? it was like he wasnt going to tell me ever that he was going out with this girl just keep dragging it on. Its like so you still like me but you picked her because shes convenient...? And if she gave him an ultimatium that never is a good beginning to a relationship you know? So i feel like i won, and he picked the wrong girl. Im trying to get over him its hard, but im trying it stinks we still have to work together though. But i just cant help it that he still flirts with me and from the sounds of it likes me still..then is he he making the right choice by taking that ultimatium? like on the car ride back to school was he thinking i took it better then expected and maybe he made a bad choice? will he come back to me? i dont know...i was just wondering what you guys thought thanks!
Honestly, I don't even think you should waste your time with this guy.
He sounds like a total prick. He's not honest with you, he's telling other people he picked some other chick over you, he's not willing to drive to see you, you're too much of a hassle for him, blah blah blah. This shit just keeps on dragging. So, he's totally not worth your time.
I think you should just try to get over him, which I know is going to be hard especially since you do work with him. The other girl that answered your question is totally right, flirt with other guys like it's nothing. Make him feel horribly about picking Miss Convinient! And, when he tries getting back to you, tell him you found somebody at school, and he's more convinient, haha. (Just kidding!)
I strongly believe you will find someone who you like so much better, he's just totally not worth it. Let him bang other girls behind Miss Convenient's back too, no biggie. That's a low move to make on a girl "you still like too." A guy who likes a girl does not treat her like this. Run away as fast as you can.
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Okay I made it official with this guy june 18th 2009, last year which in fact was the eptimone of my naiveness, and I was blind to everything as a girl I was easily manipulated etc.. I said yes I'll be your gf on that day, and ever since then weve been really tight like best friends and talk to eachother about pretty much anything including what's considered cheating in a relationship and what guys want from girls .
He says that every guy just want to have sex as first intention and then theyll get to know you
I disagree example: someone hit me up that I knew in elementry on fb I said how are you doing etc .. MY BOYFRIEND GETS MAD saying theres no reason to write to him unless you really want to see how he is.. the guy prob. thinks he can get you etc....
another example: my ex hits me up on fb and this is an old old ex and says whats going on and i write whats up with you . Boyfriend says: why are you writing back to him theres no reason to write back to him, etc.. * BUT this was strictly mutual I will never cheat on my boyfriend ever, I love him to much and its morally wrong a huge downfall .
I just don't think I can take him thinking that I will cheat on him , idk if its because he's envious or overprotective but it need's to stop
also Ever since Ive been with my boyfriend my whole personality changed as in im not naive anymore i demand more as a woman etc.. maybe he still thinks Im the girl he first asked out ?
idk:/ its killing me I dont want us to breakup over absolutely NOTHING . over what I might do , or what might happen .
My boyfriend is the same way. We live together so he watches everything I do (he's asleep right now). We've been together for two years and everytime I get a message from someone, a phone call, or a text he always asks, "Do you only love me?" insinuating that he's worried I might love someone else. Recently I sat him down and explained to him how crazy it sounds when he thinks I may be cheating or may love anyone else besides him.
The key to solving your problem is communication. You should sit him down and explain to him how much this affects your relationship. I'm sure he's not even aware of the fact that he's doing this. Look at everything he says from his point of view too.
Start out with something like, "As we've discussed, we are both very against cheating, and I really appreciate you for that. Lately I have been feeling a little pressure from you though, and I think you constantly think I might be cheating on you. This hurts me because I love you, blah blah blah."
This way, he realizes how his behavior is making you feel. Again, communication is key to solving problems in any situation. Let him know what is bothering you, ask him how he feels about certain situations. Remind him to be very honest because you really do want to make him happy and satisfied. Ask him what he thinks when you say hi to other people. Explain to him that they do not mean anything to you and you are just being curteous. You also have to ask yourself, "How would I feel if he were messaging an ex?" and if you feel comfortable, tell him why.
There is no reason for you to break up for absolutely nothing, but if you feel constantly watched and doubted, then that is something you may want to consider. Let him know how everything makes you feel, you both just need to talk about things face to face openly and honestly.
Good luck. (Update me if you have any more questions!) (:
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18/female
ok so i had a typical fan girl crush on a guy two years ago ( with the crush lasting for a year) whose in a band thats becoming huge. i had his posters on my wall etc etc. I had met him a couple of times in that year that i liked him. each of those times i got a not so expected reaction from this guy. Every other fan he came into contact with or talked to, he was smiley and bubbly. then he would get to me and just look me up and down, just staring. wouldnt say a word. then after minutes of just standing there without him even so much as smiling at me he will move onto the next girl happy as can be. Confused and annoyed i eventually gave up when every single time i met him he would do the same, even if i talked to him he wouldnt respond. just stare. so for the next year or so i slowly tore myself away from him and anything that reminded me of him. taking down his posters etc etc. Eventually over that year i matured and my fan girl days were long gone. however for that year, sucessfully over him, i would still dream about him on the odd occasion, and when i did i would deny 100% that i still somewhat had a thing for him.
So the start of this year I went to one of his concerts, and decided to completely ignore him, forget him completely and just pay attention to the other band mates whilst they were onstage playing. However, my sister was keeping an eye on me and mentioned that Andy(the guy) kept staring at me whilst he was playing. Two adults actually commented to me as i was leaving how he was focusing all his attention on me. I then was also showed videos from that concert of him just staring at me. still i chose to push all that too the side and deny that it ever meant anything. As he left that building, as i watched him leave, he just stared at me like he used to, no smile no emotion on his face.
So a couple of months passed and yet i was still having weird dreams and as always i tried to push them to the side, and hide my feelings. Then two weeks ago, they came and played and did a meet and greet. I went along as my friends wanted to give them there bands cd. I arrived first so i went and stood by the bar. i waited in veiw of the steps to wait for my friends. only to look over and see a security guard walk into a door in perfect sight of where i was standing. The band was warming up backstage and once again there was andy, just sitting there at the door staring at me, yet again. I was all dressed up this time cause i was going clubbing afterwards, yet still he was expressionless. This happened a further 3 or so times when the door would open up. and sometimes i wouldnt look just so he didnt think i was purposely there to see him. anyway, this time when he was on stage, he completely ignored me, he knew where i was and i figured it was like a 'test' if he looked at me then i would know that maybe in some bizzare way all those times he just looked and stared at me meant something. Anyway the band stopped playing and we lined up to meet them. My fan girl days are over so i wasnt freaking out. I talked to the other two band members like they were my best mates, wasnt nervous anything like that, in fact one of the other members was hitting on me subtly.
then i get to him, my other two friends were talking to him about something and he commented back to something they said, i added a comment in after him thinking it was funny, he looked straight at me and for the first time actually laughed. My other two friends didnt even notice or pick up what i said but he did. Then They walked off and i looked at andy....he gave me the biggest cheeziest smile i had ever seen. i was so shocked..like after 7 times of meeting him and him not even to briefly smile at me, then all of a sudden there was a massive smile on his face? when only less then an hour before that he was ignoring me or staring at me expressionless.
i couldnt forget that face of his from that smile. so anyways i kept having more and more dreams over these last two weeks about him again. Then i find out that his bands coming back to my hometown to play another gig..I just finally confronted myself and the fact that I DO have feelings for him in some way, and ever since then ive been crying and upset. i really dont understand. Im seeing him again in two days and i just dont know what to think right now.
I know this might be kind of cheesy, (I don't know what band this is) but when you go to their next gig, you should totally make a huge sign with his name on it, and flirt up a storm when he's around you. I think as a fan girl, you're overthinking this issue, and I think he may just be thinking, "Dang, I keep seeing this girl everywhere, but I cannot remember her name, or where I've seen her last, or blah blah," so he's giving you a dumb look everytime. You're a dedicted fan and I know my suggestion sounds like a bit over the top but there's nothing you can lose. He can either hate your guts because you embarrass him, or hate your guts for no reason like you've described. I don't think he dislikes you, or hates you, or anything like that but he seems so emotionless. Maybe he's playing hard to get, since he knows you're at his gigs all the time. Don't give up on chasing him around, it sounds way too fun to give up. Cheer up and have a good time at their show, and don't really think about him like you've been doing.
I am wondering if when you went to his shows and payed more attention to the other band mates if you were more happy and had more fun, if so, just try to do that again but bring a sign with his name on it to spite him, haha! (:
Hope you have fun at his next show, don't give up on being a fangirl, I like your attitude.
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