Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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adviceman49
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Me & my bestfriend have been friends since Middle school (shes always been insecure/threatened type inside and out), & i guess you can say she's ALWAYS been jealous of me for example, she'd always get mad and annoyed that if a guy she liked thought i was hot so she'd always tell them something like "but she said you were ugly" or something worse. she'd also always try to find a way to bring me down physically and/or mentally. I guess i can say she has gotten over that from what i can see for myself (idk what she says behind closed doors) so NOW lol, she would say i dress to fancy or nice to go to a basic place & i would tell her that iam not a basic bitch i have to look good wherever i go and that she doesn't care about how she looks. She also has a boyfriend now and he would give me compliments and she'd flip out on him. I told her that i wanted to die my hair blonde and like a monh later she dyes her hair blonde and told her boyfriend that i copied her when i finally dyed my hair blonde. She's always been the one to always i'd say complain that i'm concieted, i mean i am, concieted, confident, etc. I always would say "I'm THAT BITCH" because i feel as though i am. but fast forward now she says that she has to look good all the time, she speaks like me, wears the same jewelry as i do, she use to complain about how long my nails were when i would get them done, now she gets her nails long, she trys to wear the same clothes as i do, trys to copy my hair styles, she calls herself "that bitch" now, she trys to be into stuff like i am for example, i am so big into fashion&shoes and she's trying to be the same way (it just doesn't work because she cannot dress) if we go shopping and i say something is cute for me, she buys it, she one day said "(my name) wants to be me" & it was such a lie like i honestly cursed her out because its totally the other way around. she says stuff like "(my name) taught me." like I don't know, am i crazy or does she want to be me? i need your opinions. (link)
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Ok this is a little tough for me because you didnt state your ages so i dont know the maturity level that im dealing with here but since you said middle school im going to assume your now in high school?? So ill break down what you said cause ive had i dont know HOW many friends copy me and now that im older and their getting married and having kids, they've stole baby names from me! so i understand more than you know.
"Me & my best friend have been friends since Middle school (shes always been insecure/threatened type inside and out), & i guess you can say she's ALWAYS been jealous of me for example, she'd always get mad and annoyed that if a guy she liked thought i was hot so she'd always tell them something like "but she said you were ugly" or something worse."
Ok to ME, this is a huge red flag that this girl ISNT your friend. Shes trying to sabotage potential personal relationships for you and thats not what a friend does. At this point i would have stopped being friends with her.
"she'd also always try to find a way to bring me down physically and/or mentally. I guess i can say she has gotten over that from what i can see for myself (i dont know what she says behind closed doors) so NOW lol, she would say i dress to fancy or nice to go to a basic place & i would tell her that i am not a basic bitch i have to look good wherever i go and that she doesn't care about how she looks."
Ok this is abusive right here. This is an active effort to slowly break down your confidence because her OWN is in very short supply. She clearly has her own agenda and thoughts and views of you as a person and shes playing off that when she interacts with you on a daily basis. I GET that girls call each other nasty names sometimes and its meant to be playful, but it gets to a certain point where its really not funny or warranted anymore and its just damaging and hurtful to the other person. Youll know your "over" using the playful nasty names when you start to have more and more days where you see her and she does it and instead of feeling that funny playful feeling BACK, deep down your actually hurt and really not feeling it...; ) youll know the feeling when it comes just trust me on that.
"She also has a boyfriend now and he would give me compliments and she'd flip out on him. I told her that i wanted to die my hair blonde and like a month later she dyes her hair blonde and told her boyfriend that i copied her when i finally dyed my hair blonde. She's always been the one to always i'd say complain that i'm conceited, i mean i am, conceited, confident, etc."
Ok shes flipping out because first off she obsessed with you and your a threat to her big time. So her man giving you any kind of attention (even if its positive and totally neutral) is bad to her and goes against her efforts to sabotage your confidence. Thats totally wrong and unfair by the way and not how a real friend acts. Secondly If shes seriously saying to your face that your conceited and always copying her then i think its time to dump her honestly. You dont need that kind of drama in your life and you know what maybe you should just go shopping by yourself, then see what happens when she has no one to follow and copy anymore. lol. that'll be a show worth watching.
"I always would say "I'm THAT BITCH" because i feel as though i am. but fast forward now she says that she has to look good all the time, she speaks like me, wears the same jewelry as i do, she use to complain about how long my nails were when i would get them done, now she gets her nails long, she tries to wear the same clothes as i do, trys to copy my hair styles, she calls herself "that bitch" now, she tries to be into stuff like"
Ok heres the problem with that part. Friends who tend to hang out alot WILL tend to be into alot of the same things, INCLUDING clothes so unless you stop hanging out with her then shes well within the social confines to be able to like the same things you like. On every other level though im seeing someone who has alot of issues and is abusive and taking those issues out on you because they arent strong enough within themselves or comfortable in their OWN skin so they want to try to wear someone elses. By allowing her to copy you, you arent helping her become more comfortable in her own skin, in fact your sort of unknowingly enabling her to continue this charade by not saying anything. Im not saying what shes doing is your fault because obviously youve never dealt with this before but in life, people come with all sorts of issues and flaws and you have to decide what your willing to put up with.
"i am so big into fashion&shoes and she's trying to be the same way (it just doesn't work because she cannot dress) if we go shopping and i say something is cute for me, she buys it, she one day said "(my name) wants to be me" & it was such a lie like i honestly cursed her out because its totally the other way around. she says stuff like "(my name) taught me." like I don't know, am i crazy or does she want to be me? i need your opinions."
Ok heres the thing, and i say this to a lot of people but i think i better repeat this to you because the sooner you understand this the better off you'll be in life later.
We're all on our own paths in life. We each run our own unique paths (even the ones who wanna copy other people to death) but its your choice at the end of the day who you wanna run along side ok. You cant make excuses for still remaining friends with someone who does this kinda stuff to you, theres no one else to blame but you. You are allowing this abuse to go on (maybe) simply because you've known each other for along time and you have history together (which i get i really do) but you cant allow someone to disrespect and abuse you like this. "what you allow will continue" its a simple statement that really says alot.
Its healthy for good friends to be into a lot of the same things but when it takes the turn that this relationship has, it becomes unhealthy, obsessive, and abusive. This girl is actively trying to sabotage you at every turn! lying about you, telling people your saying things you didn't say just to ruin things for you or make you look bad! this girl is CLEARLY not your friend anymore. She might have been "back in the day" but people change....and sometimes its not for the better.
Respect yourself and pull away. IF she gets suspicious and asks why just be honest. Because you care for her then be kind but you need to be honest. If shes your friend then she needs that. Sometimes people dont realize what they have until its gone.
The next time she does anything like this, nip it in the bud right then and there. Tell her you love her or care about her (or whatever) but that she needs to stop this. Stop the lying about you to others, stop saying false things about you, and stop trying to constantly copy you and then claim your copying her. Tell her you need a break from her and then let her stew on her own thoughts for a while and then wait and see what happens.
Keep more stuff to yourself and DONT tell her when your going to buy new clothes, then people will see that you had that stuff first. ; ) She'll love THAT. ( sorry thats my playful revenge side coming out)
good luck! ; )
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Rating: 5
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sorry about not mentioning our ages, we're 19 years old. but thank you very much this advice was phenomenal!!
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