Member Since: November 3, 2015
Answers: 80
Last Update: February 16, 2018
Visitors: 3830
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I'm about to enter my final semester at University and am very worried about the future.
This is because my mother is highly controlling and is trying to carve out my life for me.
She tells me I have to look for jobs in the north west and says things like I am to get a job and live at home for a few years, to save up
to then buy a place of my own.
The control doesn't end there though. I'm nearly 21 and she has ignored that I said I want to have a meal in a city to celebrated and said 'Oh it'd be better here instead'.
She doesn't even let me go round to the local shop without coming with me or asking several questions! She also hates it when I want to spend time away from home overnight with my boyfriend. This has only happened twice that she knows about, and each time she has said I've acted selfishly and not thought about her, and she's screamed her head of at me . When i tried to tell her that I'm now 20 she screamed at me and told me just to piss off sarcastically.
She does not let me do as I want, I am not allowed to go out if it involves spending the night away from home (not even in a hotel).
She also has to phone my boyfriends parents each time theres an overnight stay involved.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. My mum wont even let us go on holiday.
I love going to Uni because I get some escapism and can be myself. But I am forced to come home every weekend by her.
She does support me financially and uses this as a reason to win arguments involving giving me some freedom.
I really want to move out after I graduate but I don't know how? I'm deeply unhappy and depressed by the way she treats me. She said I will not understand until I have a full time job and a place of my own.
This is killing me
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Seems like your mom is protective of you and I am pretty sure it's because she loves you!
At the same time if this is making you depressed this isn't a good thing.
Have you tried talking to her? Maybe go for a ride or have lunch together and speak like adults and remind her that you are too. Make sure she understands that you love her too and value her but you are an adult now and you want to find your own way.
It's tough to let go of your child even at your age. So hopefully you can find a healthy medium.
Another thing if your mom is still financially responsible this is another reason for her to have a hold on you. I am not encouraging you to run off before you are ready but you need to start looking into this so you know what you are facing. Living at home for as long as you can is smart. obviously not the best if it's making you depressed but if you can get around that I highly recommend it for financial reasons but only if you feel you can handle it emotionally.
Take the time to have a serious talk and make sure you share your depression with her. The more you share you feelings the easier it will be for you to figure out your next move. Hopefully your mom will understand and start to give you a little more space.
Wishing you all the best xx
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Rating: 5
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Thanks for your advice and for understanding x
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