Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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Ok, he went home from the countryside and all he did was tell me about his cousin. He was soo into her that he started crying every night and calling me telling me he misses her. I asked him if he loved her romantically, he said no, that he only loved her as a sister. But when I asked him, why do you love her, he replies "she's just really different." What's that mean? I really need help. Also, how do I make him stop missing her? (link)
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Well for one, thats his cousin and its not ok to be romantically involved with each other first of all. Their parents are brothers or sisters, thats gross to put it plainly.
Also if hes really not into her romantically then maybe he misses her so much because he had been aware of the fact that he didnt get to have the type of cousin relationship with a personality like hers before and feels that they really connected and just wishes they could spend more time together. THAT is perfectly natural ok, the first reason ISNT.
We all have a family member or two that we didnt know we had so much in common with until we met them and hung out and got to know each other on a deeper level and realized how special that kinda thing is. I have an awesome gay cousin that i could not love more that lives almost 100 miles away, and we could not have more in common or make each other laugh harder then we already do with anyone else except maybe a romantic partner. BUT that line never gets crossed and he needs to know that that is a very important part of maintaining that relationship.
Also that just because you feel strongly for someone doesnt mean that your in love with them and that you should be so bold as to take shit to that next level, your family and thats incest. She could also take it badly if he did try anything on her and never want to see him again, so tell him it would be a bad idea to even think for a minute about trying to pull something.
Theres nothing you can really do to get someone to just stop thinking about someone else they care for. if he brings her up again ask her HOW shes different? let him talk, just sit and listen to everything he says about her, how he acts and really analyze weather hes ACTUALLY "in love" with her or if for HIM shes the first special, really understanding family member he feels hes ever had? because theres nothing wrong with that.
ask him to see pictures of the trip and just let him do the talking. stay calm, while your doing this and dont treat him badly if he DOES admit to having feelings of love for her.
Then tell him "oh its just lust, your both young thats all" and try to get him to minimize his feelings for her. If he tries to say things like "she does this or that and not other girl does that" say back "yeah there is plenty of other girls that do this or that, you just havent met any yet, and the only way you can do that is if you get yourself out there and meet people thats all"
see that words "thats all" at the end of a statement, finalize things and create a feeling of you nicely implying that hes wrong and that he just hasnt tried other things yet but that theres still plenty of time to do so. Then things like "but thats cool though" in a casual way, say "well your wrong but im not here to fight you on it, im your friend and ive experienced differently but that its OK and you can too" its a vague statement that says "well i disagree but its ok because we're cool with each other"
good luck...
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Rating: 5
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thanks really mch :) I appreciate it
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